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Remember........a D is a war. A true war has zero prisoners.

When it's over, it is over. Do not accept remaining friends with her. She wants this so you will lie down

and run you over in the D. A D is a one-shot deal. Go for the throat.
 

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Discussion Starter #242
Nothing new really has of yet besides asking me for stuff still. Vaccum, mixing bowls etc etc complaining that I get to keep the nice pots and pans and all this expensive stuff and she doesn't get any of it.... I haven't given her anything.

Her stuff is out of the house for the most part and she's moved into her new place which I have one to find out is a 1 bedroom with an extra loft area that she turned into a play area for the kids at a price tag of $1500 a month.

Today she stated she had some financial documents at her lawyer office and needs me to provide her with the taxes from last year. I will be calling my layer first before I do that.

On the plus side I did pick up a used Toyota 4runner so I can get rid of my car payment. Needs a little work but its clean and from the original owner plus low miles for the year. Now just gotta figure out how to get rid of the other one!

My response has been signed and sent to her lawyer so not sure how long it takes once they get it.
 

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Discussion Starter #243
Oh and Ill add while she's asking me for all this stuff stilll saying she can't afford to buy new stuff she has a new MK bag, got a $50 piece of wall art off amazon (we share the account) and keeps buying the kids new toys and stuff. They like to tell me about the stuff of course lol

When she saw my other car in the driveway she asked me when I'm getting rid of my Pilot so it can be off her credit report so I asked her to refinance hers so it can be off mine and she said she cant right now because she has a bunch of medical debt from the kids on there and it dropped her credit, so until she clears that up she cant... Since I set up the account on experian for her I checked and she has 2 past due medical bills to the tune of $190 one of which she already paid off. Her credit cards are nearly maxed out which is why the credit took a hit aswell. Went from 715 in august when we were together and barely any debt to 624.
 

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Discussion Starter #244
I'm a bit of a nerd for Jurassic park, Back to the future, Ghostbusters etc etc.... Anyway

She's nice when about kids (most of the time) can be nasty about most other things, sorta nice in person but its always quick interactions just hand offs of children really.

Still asks about things she wants and I ignore her.

Yesterday she texted me out of nowhere she was at walmart with the kids. Sent me a picture of the Ghostbusters car. Its a kit to build it. Was $45 on clearance for half that. She asked if I wanted it ( of course i did lol) So she got it for me and I transferred the money to her.

Of course I said yes for it but just confuses me why she would be nice and do that idk... Just venting something that has been floating around my head.
 

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Re-writing history, trying to absolve herself of the guilt she feels.

Could be lining you up as Plan B if Plan A falls through. Everything just might be "getting real" for

her and she is scared to death.

As you said she is spending $ like it's going out of style. Was she always that way or was she somewhat

thrifty?
 

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Discussion Starter #246
Re-writing history, trying to absolve herself of the guilt she feels.

Could be lining you up as Plan B if Plan A falls through. Everything just might be "getting real" for

her and she is scared to death.

As you said she is spending $ like it's going out of style. Was she always that way or was she somewhat

thrifty?
Funny today my social worker said the same thing (feeling guilty about something)
Yeah it def seems like thats what she's doing of course only the things I hear about and again a new purse which was at least $200-$300 unless it was a gift but idk.

She's like her mom always a bit of a spender but I made sure it didn't get out of control and bills were always paid and money was put into savings first. It never got crazy but we both def enjoyed the fruits of her labor. I am more on the thrifty end of things... When I buy things I like to get good stuff but I look for deals (open box, clearance etc etc)

I'm nobody plan B. As I said before i would love for our family to work its self back together but a lot needs to be said from both ends and it would take me time. I wouldn't just jump back into it thats for sure.
 

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Discussion Starter #247
So if anyone has read this you know that about 6 months prior to my wife leaving I found out she was having what I would call an emotional affair with someone in the union for her job. He's almost 70 and my wife just turned 30 so I didn't think anything was going on sexual but like an idiot I tried to understand but I still let her know how I felt about to which she said its just s friendship and it doesn't matter that she didn't tell me etc etc..

Anyway today I picked my son up from school (broken leg so in a wheelchair currently) and his mom picked up our daughter. I met hers she could take him to a dentist appt and we were chatting while we waited for her..

He was telling me about how they went to the diner and an ice cream place with mommies friend from work (he didn't remember the name) he said it was the second time they went out with him. I called out some names because I was curious who it was and of course it was the guy that she had the EA with.

I texted her after just to see what she would say and of course got defensive and just said a friend helping her with something. Turns out he drove an hour from his home to meet her other drs office so he could sit with the kids and watch them while she went in then they ate and had the ice cream and according to her the last time he just wanted to join them for ice cream.

I got kinda heated about this really for many reasons and still am.... Curious what other peoples take on it is
 

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@iaschneider5 you and your wife have been separated for 6 months and have filed for divorce. I know it is difficult to do (trust me, I do) but you need to stop focusing on her and what she's doing/who she is seeing. It will make you crazy if you don't. Instead focus on what you plan on doing with your kids when they are with you. Think about the sorts of activities you want to do to make their time with you special. Teach them what it means to be a strong father. Try (that is a a big ask but try) not to think about your StBXW.
 

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Discussion Starter #251
@iaschneider5 you and your wife have been separated for 6 months and have filed for divorce. I know it is difficult to do (trust me, I do) but you need to stop focusing on her and what she's doing/who she is seeing. It will make you crazy if you don't. Instead focus on what you plan on doing with your kids when they are with you. Think about the sorts of activities you want to do to make their time with you special. Teach them what it means to be a strong father. Try (that is a a big ask but try) not to think about your StBXW.

I know and I really haven't given much thought to who's she's seeing or what she's doing with them.. I do see some of the stuff she says online when tagged with mutual friends ( Stuff about divorce and being treated bad etc etc) What got to me yesterday was the fact that she had this hidden relationship with this (married) guy and now he's having dinner with her and my kids... what really got to me was the fact that they were left alone with the strange man... Well strange to them for any length of time. Maybe it shouldn't but I couldn't help it wondering why my kids are being watched by someone they have never met before.

Top of the night with my daughter crying at bedtime asking why mommy hasn't come home yet and then asking why cant we be a family again like it was before my son broke his leg. Needless to say I was just having a rough night.
 

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Worry about the pretty child-feathers, in hand, and not the scented mature-one that the ill-wind took away.

Your wife is lost, to you, to herself.

Any future man who claims her will need a strong back to lug forward, all her baggage.
Her young age is her only saving grace.

With luck and pluck, she can reform her ways and come out stronger.
Alas, with this Lass, luck has never found her, at this, her presently fragile latitude.
 

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Forget her and move on. From experience in matters such as this, she is with a much older man. Now, I had a couple much like you a few years back. She apparently had a daddy fetish, and OM filled the bill. So, consequently, she leaves to shack up with "grandpa". My client is devastated. She left him with the house, the investments and his retirement. There were no children, and she figured that the grass was greener. So we are about six months out. My client found solace with one of his wife's ex girlfriends. This in itself caused the WW to get angry and vindictive. Not so vindictive that she would stop the divorce. One morning, I walk into the office and we are called into the boardroom. No expected appointments for the day, wth is going on? The other side is there. They want to stop the divorce. She demands that her ex reconcile. Something changed. Found out that on Friday night, OM had a massive brain bleed. He is more or less a piece of broccoli. His children hold PA over him. He will be transferred to chronic care after he is completely stable. WW was respectfully requested to leave OM's home by his children. They will likely sell it to pay for his care going forward. She was looking for any port in the storm. Too bad she had already signed off. We, of course, were compelled to bring this information to our client, and receive instructions as to how to proceed. He is a good man. Better than me, however, he passed a note for us to present to his soon to be ex wife. "You hurt me. You betrayed me. You gambled on finding something better over the next fence. You gambled and you lost. I am not disposed toward being your white knight. I am sorry, but I am no longer part of your life, and you will just have to figure this out by yourself." She is now totally defeated. She gambled, lost, and tried to move the goal posts.
 

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Maybe im wrong to feel mad about this
My brother, everyone told you that this is what was going on.

I guess you had to work it out yourself.

But no, you need to understand that all the negative crap that WE all said was going on, WAS GOING ON... And you don't need to feel bad.

But maybe understanding all of this will allow you to see that she is a POS, and she has been for a long time, you just did not realize it.

So when everyone tells you to use this to grow and learn, then try to do that.

You still don't realize how much better off your are going to be in the long run, but you will.

THEN you can kick yourself for being so blind, we all did, and you will too...
 

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Discussion Starter #255
I know I was stupid for letting it go when I found out even if just friendship. One of the issues she has is she doesn't know boundaries and doesn't feel what she was doing is wrong because he's just a friend. She has some boundary issues I think or at the very least doesn't think what she was doing was an issue when being with someone long term.. just like the guy in the beginning she was confiding in him and things went too far.

Yes yesterday I was pissed off that it was him given what had happened but right now its really about how my kids were left alone with this man they dont know for any length of time. I dont think they should be left alone with someone they dont know like that. Especially since im about 5 to 10 min away from any dr office she would be at so they can be dropped off or **** id even just sit with them in the car vs some strange man watching them.

Her BS reason he found out she was going to the dr and bringing them so he offered last min to come help her... and then just happened to come get food with them. He lives an hour away there was no last min there.

When we were together and before that even since I knew her before hand everything was bout her kids her time her money everything she did was about them and all she ever talked about was them... Now it seems she's gearing more towards helping herself and claiming its about the kids.

Example: Getting a new apartment which is a 1 bedroom(with 3 kids), Racking up her credit card claiming its stuff for the kids mind you she has a new $200+ purse and has ordered all kinds of stuff non kid related (we still share an amazon account). Getting tired of seeing that stuff and then her continue to ask me for petty things and get annoyed that I won't let her have them (because its for the kids after all and she cant afford to buy all this stuff). Only thing I agreed to give was some of the 100s of books that we have but I haven't gotten around to it because I have other things to worry about at the moment. Ill get to it when I get to it..

Haven't heard back from the lawyer yet about any progress but i found out yesterday since she for some reason wanted to inform me that my wifes gmail account somehow got messed up and wouldn't receive any emails, she then informed me that her lawyers office said they sent multiple emails and they got kicked back so im sure it was about my response. Hopefully now things start moving.

One min she's nice and wants to chat and share things along with asking me if I want certain things from the store and they next I need to watch what im asking her about and im a sociopath for wanting to take her to court over child support and how can I do that to the kids and why would I wanna waste all that money doing so... plus countless other things. Idk what's going on with her lately but I'm fairly certain she has some issues she needs to talk to someone about.... Yes I have some issues, I'm going into more and more debt every day, I miss my kids when they arnt here and on occasion for brief moments at a time I still miss her. Also more recently Im rediscovering why I hated working on cars for a living... Because they suck! trying to get my new used car ready and all cleaned up and while its in good shape and low miles for the year all the parts are original and rusty so having fun trying to replace them. Cant afford to hire anyone to do it so have to do it myself, id be spending 3-4 times as much!

As I said for brief moments i do miss her and im sure that will continue but when I'm thinking clearly I do see that I may better off in the end just need to get through this as best I can. Easier said than done but Im working on it.
 

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Discussion Starter #256
I will tell you one thing that really pisses me off and makes me get angry at her...Im on workers comp have been since before we were together.

When things were getting serious I watched the kids so she could go work for the post office and build her career then we had a id together. I was just trying to get through the comp system and be done and i continued to watch the kids while she worked. Once I was done we were gonna take the settlement and invest in property or something to that effect.

My wife goes to work at 645 and the kids have school at 8 and my daughter is only half day so I bring her then pick everyone up after. I was hoping to change things around once I settled and wasn't under the watchful eye workers comp. I am looking for work but have such severe restrictions and been out so long no one will touch me and with the kids it would be hard anyway. This was what we did i took care of them while I got through this system and she worked.

Now that she is left she is blasting me and calling me lazy and just saying I dont wanna work and I need get my lazy as up and work because she's not paying me a dime and then lots of other kind words and names. FYI I have applied to over 200 jobs within my restrictions and some a little over at the directions of workers comp and even NYS Access VR who are the people that help people like me find work said they wont help me because i am a liability to myself and employers. I have worked since I was 14 up until I got hurt and If I never got hurt Id be making more then her. I hate being home and not working besides watching the kids grow up and being there for them.

All these things she has said towards me like that have defiantly helped make me see a little more clearly that I may be better off in the long run.
 

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Please stop taking this from her. If you must, engage a lawyer to take the heat from her. She must know that your long term disability will figure in to the financial calculations once things really get underway. That is why she is telling you to get your ass working. DO NOT COMPLY MORE THAN YOU ALREADY ARE.

Your injury would be front and center to any financial filing I would make. I, or rather my firm would have you re-evaluated medically. From what you have written your disability is permanent, and restrictive. She knows this. She knows that in court she is not going to look good. Bottom line is that she would rather have pin money than see you living the life that you were and are entitled to. My firm, and likely your representatives will be making this a centerpiece to their filings. All she is doing is the CYA dance. Let the divorce proceed, and let her discomfort with reality drive her bats. So she will not be able to lavish money and time on an AP, as she will be too busy supporting her disabled husband who she betrayed. Exactly what I would be saying to a referee in any discovery. I did have one woman load a paper clip onto a rubber band, and after my comments were made to the referee, she managed to catch me just below the eye. While she was smirking at me, I pressed the intercom button and had security up to my boardroom. I had her charged with assault. Looked damn good in front of a judge the next morning. Cost her five grand in fines.
 

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I know I was stupid for letting it go when I found out even if just friendship. One of the issues she has is she doesn't know boundaries and doesn't feel what she was doing is wrong because he's just a friend. She has some boundary issues I think or at the very least doesn't think what she was doing was an issue when being with someone long term.. just like the guy in the beginning she was confiding in him and things went too far.
Listen, I am happy to not post on your thread if I piss you off, so just say the word.

But after that long page look at the bull **** that you are still laying out here. Just in the first part.

Dude, get a ****ing grip for the love of god...

No, she is not a snowflake or some little princess that you have to protect. She is a viper, and she is a cheater, she is a user, and she is a POS...

My guess is she has been this way from the start. My other guess is she has been cheating for some time and you were blind.

Brother, you need to wake up and get your head straight, for goodness sake...

She is not now, and probably never was a good person, I suspect she had been using you your entire marriage.

Stop making excuses for her like the quote above. You have been doing this the entire thread.

Please wake up and stop thinking like this, it is not healthy...
 

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Discussion Starter #259
Listen, I am happy to not post on your thread if I piss you off, so just say the word.

But after that long page look at the bull **** that you are still laying out here. Just in the first part.

Dude, get a ****ing grip for the love of god...

No, she is not a snowflake or some little princess that you have to protect. She is a viper, and she is a cheater, she is a user, and she is a POS...

My guess is she has been this way from the start. My other guess is she has been cheating for some time and you were blind.

Brother, you need to wake up and get your head straight, for goodness sake...

She is not now, and probably never was a good person, I suspect she had been using you your entire marriage.

Stop making excuses for her like the quote above. You have been doing this the entire thread.

Please wake up and stop thinking like this, it is not healthy...
Sorry for the late response but like with everyone else I'm sure things have been crazy and just haven't thought about it. Hope everyone is doing ok.

You would never piss me off by what you or anyone says really so don't worry about that. Truthfully the only one pissing me off lately is my ex.

I have a grip, what i and said there before is me trying to make excuses for her it basically just thinking out loud trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with her tbh. I know what your saying and yes there is times I think that too but having experienced it first hand i don't believe all of that to be true. Is she perfect no? Was she very ****ty to me during our relationship at times of course and same with me. It happens in the end though I know not all of this is my fault with more of the blame pushed towards her side.

About 3 months ago is when I started to move towards not caring about getting her back etc etc. Will I always care or love her sure, do I believe some therapy and better communication would make a lot of our issues better? im sure it could have who knows.

She has also been assisting in making me want to pull away more from her in terms of not "allowing" me to bring my son to any of his appts for his broken leg ( remember the older union guy guess who she picks up for the appts hour and half away) same for PT which are local and only an hour. My son now fractured his foot falling off his new bike he got for easter on the same side as the broken leg the poor kid. She did let me go to the follow up for that but of course she was there too.

Lots of other fun stuff since the Covid19 s*** has happened. She had an emergency surgery on march 20th I think it was and I had the kids 90% of the time since she couldn't move. Not her fault of course cyst on her ovaries. But she has gotten increasing nasty about the custody and other issues. Finally got her to switch her car insurance after 2 days of hounding her since all she did was nickel and dime me about it when the payment was due.

When the stimulus was issued that was another fun fight but I kinda get the last laugh there in the end.

My lawyer is just waiting on her lawyer to send over their agreement to look over but mine says she already thinks its gonna just have to go to court which I kinda figured.

I also had something interesting happen. I had a random new facebook account send me screenshots from my exes facebook page. Don't know who it was but we had a short conversation and they sent me some stuff... Lots of hypocritical BS (like kinda flirting with the ex she used to sleep on and off with for years but wanted nothing to do with)

Also I made mistake and yes I know it was mistake... She offered to split Disney plus with me since we still split the others and the kids like it and I need to catch on my marvel and star wars so no issues here haha. Anyway she never set up the profiles so I did it. The kids were helping me, They are grumpy kids I'm darth daddy and well we made mommy Evil queen mommy... Yes I know I know shouldn't have done it was just having some fun I deflect with stupid jokes. They went and told her the next day when they went over and she never said anything to me. In the end id rather have the conversations be me being stupid and saying silly things and her being the aggressive and nasty one then the other way around.

Within the screenshots I was sent she had posted it on facebook which lead to her mom, brother, some cousins and her best friend saying ****. My ex really didn't she just said this is what happens when you let your ex create the profiles and said she just laughed and changed it. But she didn't stop anyone else from saying the negative ****. Thats on me i suppose but still I don't think it needed to be on there along with some other stuff but even my social worker that I see said its not like I was being mean and there's no reason for that kinda stuff to be out there for everyone to see. It puts all of them in a bad light along with other post trying to make her look like she's s good person in terms of that stimulus package and whatnot.

She was on there saying how she was being nice and splitting it since I was very helpful and accommodating while she was recovering from the surgery... the conversation we had about it was very different.

Oh and the normal posting about being in a toxic relationship or with a narcissist that type of stuff.

On another fun note I finished up the suspension work on my new car so I could sell the actual newer car and of course it was just when all this crap started so the company that was gonna buy it dropped their offer by 10k! Which is bs but I'm stuck with it for now. I did get payments deferred for 3 months so that's good, plus the disability insurance paid out $900 on it since she is going back to work friday and was out for over a month.
 

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It sounds like while there are still issues, you are doing a lot better.

The hard part of infidelity and divorce is that the only way through it is to walk right through middle of the pain and chaos. But when you come out the other side, you will be better off.
 
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