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Discussion Starter #222
Well Packed her things made quite the mess in the process but its done... she wanted to come tomorrow and do it and now she's pissed ... I'm ridiculous, degrading, disrespectful, she never did anything to make me act like this...

I had spoken to my son about coming over tomorrow just him for a bit so i could spend some time with him here just me and him.. Apparently he's only allowed over when she's here and not alone. The one with the broken leg, she is refusing to let him come here by himself until his leg is healed which to me is ridiculous. I can go there and spend time with him there which I do but when I asked for him to come over after school for a bit and she's telling me he's not allowed here alone until he's healed. After school I carry him into the car and then carry him to his wheelchair at his grandmothers house.
At my house i would just put him on the couch which reclines I dont see what the issue is!
 

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Yeah she doesn’t get to decide what’s allowed or not...if you don’t have some kind of legal custody arrangements, get that done NOW. This is bullcrap. You’re not some bad neighbor down the street, you are their father, for chrissake.



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Discussion Starter #225
Yeah she doesn’t get to decide what’s allowed or not...if you don’t have some kind of legal custody arrangements, get that done NOW. This is bullcrap. You’re not some bad neighbor down the street, you are their father, for chrissake.



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Lawyer has been hired I am going to mention this to her next week.
 

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Discussion Starter #226
I will also say that my had to be lifted by 2 people up until about a week ago. Given that fact I could understand what she was saying because if he was here and needed to use the bathroom I wouldnt have been able to do it or get him in the car by myself but since his leg is out of the brace and doesn't hurt as much I am able to lift him up by myself from the car the wheelchair so I see no reason that he cant come here.

I think she's doing this on purpose to sue against me at a later date. One of the many things I need to tell my lawyer about.
 

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Discussion Starter #228
They are your kids too. Why let her control this?
Not sure what I can do at the moment to make her bring him here since she is refusing. And he was gonna come today but now she says it was while she packed and that was it. I think she's just doing it to try hurt me. I am allowed to go there and I have but i was looking for a little one on one time just me and him at my house and I didn't think it was that much to ask for. He will be walking in a few weeks but I will talking to my lawyer this week to see whats next and its on the list of things I wanna talk to her about.

I did spend some time with him at her house while she went shopping with the other 2 and it was nice until her mom came home. That house is small too so once everyone was back it just gets crowded and his wheelchair doesnt help that but I had a good few hours with him.

Not sure whats happening today since I pissed her off and she said she was gonna come get some of her stuff but she wants to look around and I'm not gonna let her and she hasn't messaged me today yet. Guess thats over with.
 

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Discussion Starter #229
Guess she wasn't mad for long because now she's asking me to Please bring some boxes to her house because its easier.... Figures

Until the repo truck comes my suv is bigger has more trunk space.
 

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Discussion Starter #232
Honey, I’m gonna divorce and dump you but in the meantime I have this list of chores I need you to do for me.

Yeah, I’d ignore that.
Actually I packed it myself which was a move towards moving on I think? It was hard I won't deny it.. but maybe actually bringing it to her myself is another step towards moving on. It would be me moving her out not the other way around idk just a thought.
 

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I’d let her pick it up. You will find that any contact will keep you in the mix when you should be getting out of it.

Boxing it up I get it. I wouldn’t go any further.

The important thing about contact is it messes with your headspace and resets the clock.

Look up/google greyrocking and parallel parenting.

I know 4 of which 3 have younger kids and they say it’s the best thing they’ve done.
 

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Discussion Starter #234
I’d let her pick it up. You will find that any contact will keep you in the mix when you should be getting out of it.

Boxing it up I get it. I wouldn’t go any further.

The important thing about contact is it messes with your headspace and resets the clock.

Look up/google greyrocking and parallel parenting.

I know 4 of which 3 have younger kids and they say it’s the best thing they’ve done.
The min she told me my son is not allowed to come here alone because she said so is the moment that my headspace became a little more clear. Yes I still have feelings for her and yes im still sad but idk who the f*** she thinks she is saying s*** like that or what gives her the right to make that decision.

I'm beyond pissed at that
 

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The min she told me my son is not allowed to come here alone because she said so is the moment that my headspace became a little more clear. Yes I still have feelings for her and yes im still sad but idk who the f*** she thinks she is saying s*** like that or what gives her the right to make that decision.

I'm beyond pissed at that
While this is good, there are about 1000 other things that you should feel this way about. She is really a horrible person, I don't know why you stayed with her. You need to get your mad on and move on...

Please learn from this and pick different next time, please...
 

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The min she told me my son is not allowed to come here alone because she said so is the moment that my headspace became a little more clear. Yes I still have feelings for her and yes im still sad but idk who the f*** she thinks she is saying s*** like that or what gives her the right to make that decision.

I'm beyond pissed at that
Make sure you are documenting all this bullcrap. She is violating your rights as their parent, and for no reason other than she wants control. (no abuse, etc....) I am sure a judge would not look kindly upon this behavior.
 

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The min she told me my son is not allowed to come here alone because she said so is the moment that my headspace became a little more clear. Yes I still have feelings for her and yes im still sad but idk who the f*** she thinks she is saying s*** like that or what gives her the right to make that decision.

I'm beyond pissed at that
Take a screenshot of the texts. Hell, take screenshots of all her texts and keep a diary of everything she says.

I have a funny feeling it will become useful to you.
 

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Discussion Starter #238
While this is good, there are about 1000 other things that you should feel this way about. She is really a horrible person, I don't know why you stayed with her. You need to get your mad on and move on...

Please learn from this and pick different next time, please...
I am trying. Thats the thing though i don't see her as a horrible person. I see her as someone who doesn't understand whats its like to be with someone long term and that certain things that she's sees has fine arnt. Take away the cheating early on and everything related to that she really wasn't a bad person and she worked hard for all of us to have a decent life. I provided the place with cheap rent and she provided the income to have nice things, cars, vacations etc.
Now for me things changed after her RA diagnoses and her whole attitude changed slowly. It took a long time to find the right meds and she suffered a lot. I wasn't perfect through that time either as much as I tired to be, we both suffered because of it. I don't blame the hidden relationship with the union guy or "friendship" as she calls it on her RA thats 100% her and a few other things but alot of changes were because of it... Its funny how she says I changed after we got married but she kept her mouth shut on things that were bothering her and I see the RA as when the changes started... The ra came 3 months after we got married.

In the end most of her decisions caused alot of the issues. I wasn't perfect either but at least I actually put an effort in.

Make sure you are documenting all this bullcrap. She is violating your rights as their parent, and for no reason other than she wants control. (no abuse, etc....) I am sure a judge would not look kindly upon this behavior.
I take daily screenshots of everything that seems important and gonna mention most of it to my lawyer. I actually said it to her today when I asked about bringing him here. Rather asking her why its 100% her decision and she just kept trying to ignore it and turn it back on me. Yes I agreed in the beginning that it would be easier for him given that he needed 2 people to help with everything but now that has changed. He wants to come here and I want him to so I wont be backing down on that.

I feel she is just gonna try use this against me later on.

Take a screenshot of the texts. Hell, take screenshots of all her texts and keep a diary of everything she says.

I have a funny feeling it will become useful to you.
Any negative exchange I screenshot and im gonna get them on my computer into a nice folder so I have them all.
Some positive ones aswell so when It can show how she flips back and forth while the whole time I maintain being nice with her.

In the end she started this fight that didn't need to be but she sure as hell isn't prepared for how its gonna go.
 

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Discussion Starter #240 (Edited)
Well she got her stuff today and was very nice to me.. We joked around we laughed and she left. Of course there is more stuff buried in storage but that will be a springtime thing.

It was harder packing it then it was watching it leave. She kept her word and brought my 8 year over, so he's chillin on the reclining couch. We are all excited he's over and if I really think about it the only reason she brought him over today is so she can have some time to herself at her new place.

The kids are very excited about the new place and oldest said that a friend from school lives there so he cant wait to play with him.... Yes it makes me feel bad since I know she's gonna have to leave at some point and yes it sucks but they kids will get over it and in the end its not their fault or mine. Oh well.

I have figured out what to do about getting another car. I have hoarded every dollar I can and continue to do so instead of putting it all on credit cards so the balance stays low. Gonna buy whatever I can for cash, hopefully before my next payment on this car.

My lawyer has sent out the response to the complaint. She took a small retainer from me and said if my wife sticks to her guns she will need more but for now she's gonna see what she can do.

On a side note the mediator I had reached out too before called me again to see how things were working out (she was very nice and gave me alot of info) I explained my wife wont do it because I wont agree to no child support. During the conversation she asked me who the lawyers were. My wifes lawyer who has been a lawyer for 27 years in this area she didn't know but mine she quickly said "oh she's very good". I found that interesting and hopefully thats a good sign.

My wife refuses to talk to me about the tax return and a joint loan we have that has about 2k left on it until she talks to her lawyer. Gonna be an interesting couple weeks.
 
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