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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My WS wife took a job as a restaurant manager in March of 2016. It was a new establishment and very high end. Business is very good to this day.
I had a regular 9-5, and she had been looking for something more fulfilling and better pay for quite some time. We were married after an 8-year engagement later in September of 2016. She worked late nights, and I worked days.

We loved each other dearly and valued the times we were both off together, usually late, late weekend nights and the two evenings a week she would be off when I got home at 5.30 PM.

I am 57, and she is ten years younger, both in good shape. Her kids are grown and out of the house as is my one daughter. This is the second marriage for both of us. In September of 2017, shortly after our 1 year anniversary, she seemed to act a little different. Just my gut talking.

She would work most Friday and Saturday nights till the restaurant closed at 12 and count money. It seemed to be taking a little longer, however. I felt compelled to track her with an iPad for three weeks. I did this for about three weeks and discovered nothing. I felt terrible that I would even suspect anything. We got along great, never argued and had a wonderful sex life. I decided to remove the iPad the next day. The next morning, when she was off work, she texted me she was running to the store and asked if there was anything I needed. I said no. 20 minutes later iCloud showed she was at a park at 9 am about a mile from the restaurant she worked. I jumped in my car and went to the location and found her truck and her general managers, AP, truck parked nose to nose. I walked up to his truck where both of them were “talking inside” and knocked.

She was very quiet as she stepped out. I said “so this is what it feels like” and drove away. My next actions show how a person’s mind can hear and think what it wants and how the WS can prey on those emotions of the BS that dearly loves them. She told me later at home that he had been chewed out by the owner regarding the restaurant’s financial numbers and needed to talk. She apologized for lying about where she was.

Because of her impeccable past with me I tended to believe her. I wanted to believe her. Two months later as I returned home at the end of the day and after she had acted perfectly normal, she suddenly said she was not “in love with me anymore” and was going to move out. She started blaming me saying things like "I was too old and my friends were too old and she wanted a more exciting life with younger people" That I had all of her pet peeves and she wanted to travel more and go to concerts and blah, blah blah... I'm sure he has promised her travel and going out more, and she thinks the grass is greener.

She had gotten her tax check that day and had the funds to move out. She told me she didn't want anything from the marriage. It became a business at that point so I filed immediately, no kids, and uncontested by her, the divorce was final in 10 days. She moved out within a week. The OM wife got in touch and asked if I thought there was something going on between the two of them. I had not shared the meeting in the park with anyone to that point, but I felt impelled to share it with her. She had been tracking his emails and texts. Now, the AP is spending time at her new apartment while the APs wife confronted him with all the emails and texts. He asked for a separation, but his wife went ahead and filed for divorce, not what he wanted. His wife and I have compared notes and everything jives. Both marriages have now ended in divorce and I've chosen not to receive any updates about them form his wife. So far as I know, it is still a secret at their work. I have gone no contact since she moved out. She has emailed me a couple of times needed some little things she left behind. I did not respond, simply mailed them to her.

The two of them continue to deny having a "relationship" before the divorce, even though they both know they were tracked and the body of evidence his wife and I have amassed. None of this should matter to me since I’m single again, but still going through the grieving process.

I want her to know that I am aware of all her lying and cheating to give me some closure. I can’t begin to think this will last for them since he has an 11-year-old daughter and his wife has not worked for seven years.

With all that she has done, I still love who she was and miss her dearly. I could never take her back if this fails for her. I hope I couldn't.
 

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I'm sorry this happened to you. Just understand that none of this was your fault. Your exWW will end up repeating this same behavior throughout the rest of her life.

Was she divorced from her previous husband before she met you? Have you ever talked to her ex to ask if she had cheated on him?
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Some legal and financial issues from my first marriage took a couple of years, but I think I drug my feet a bit with no pressure from her until the last couple of years before we were engaged.
 

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Sorry man, that Sucks. You may want to drop the dime on them with the owners of the restaraunt about their affair. Letting them keep quiet about it does no good. At least you will let her know that YOU knew about it and get that resolved in your head.
 

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Yeah dude, she cheated on the man and he never got over it. Don't be that guy. Put this cheating low-life behind you. You're hopefully old enough to understand what a narcissist is, and how charming they can be until the sheep's clothing comes off and you see the real person.

She WAS NOT and IS NOT the person you remember and love. You love the role she played. Not the actor she is.

"I wanted to believe her. Two months later as I returned home at the end of the day and after she had acted perfectly normal, she suddenly said she was not “in love with me anymore” and was going to move out. She started blaming me saying things like "I was too old and my friends were too old and she wanted a more exciting life with younger people" ".

Get it? She ACTED perfectly normal. She's been acting the whole time. ACTING like a person of character. ACTING like she had strong feelings for you, when she really just liked how you made her feel at the time. ACTING like a decent human.

Sir, it is giving up your own dignity to waste any more thoughts on this person. Go on with your life and I wish you luck finding a woman who does actually have the characteristics you desire, not a woman who is a good actor. Lots of actors out there. Users, if only using you for their own emotional needs.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Sorry man, that Sucks. You may want to drop the dime on them with the owners of the restaurant about their affair. Letting them keep quiet about it does no good. At least you will let her know that YOU knew about it and get that resolved in your head.
Oh, the owner knows. But he is very good friends with the AP. It is a solely owned establishment and very high end. He'll do nothing about and probably has slapped him on the back. A couple of ankles. She know's I know everything. She is in denial. Completely took herself off of FB because she was getting so many nasty messages from so many people. I didn't want her to be in control of the narrative so I told anyone that asked me. We were the "happiest couple people knew". All were shocked to find out when it happened. Of course, now that they are both divorced they are saying they were just good friends but going through their respective divorces together brought them closer and now they have feelings for each other. Textbook.
 

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Then people already know they are morally corrupt, and will treat them accordingly. You do the same.

You now have the opportunity to meet a woman who is who you think she is. ENJOY IT BRO!

Life sucks, but it can be the other way as well. Especially when we stop shooting ourselves in the foot with thoughts of the past, and start living the present. Move forward to the next one! ENjoy! You still have your health.
 

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First off, welcome to TAM, but I am very sorry for the reason you found yourself here.

Good for you that you followed your gut on investigation, and then when you got your answer, you divorced her immediately, rather than believing her lies. Frankly, you will probably always love who you thought she was. And that's ok sweetheart.

I hope your healing process goes as smooth as possible, and that when you fall in love again, it will be for the last time. Please feel free to stay with us on this forum. There are lots of great people here, and YOU would be a very welcome addition, oa person to give excellent advice to others who find themselves in this lousy situation. There is healing in giving back. Hugs to you.
 

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Evin is right! Time to enjoy it. Your still young enough to get some game. And you obviously can spot tigers in the grass now. No b cluster type girls for you sir...

Your 57? Sexy silverback. The best way to win at this game, and to give your brain the mental jolt it needs is to toss this experience into the trash heap and start making new ones that fit you. And are deserved by you. She destroys herself, but you just move right along and live life better. Be that king. Sorry it happened, but atleast she didn't take anything, and you in the poor house. Sunny side up moment right? Take care, and I will keep cheering you on.
 

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"because she was getting so many nasty messages from so many people. I didn't want her to be in control of the narrative so I told anyone that asked me. We were the "happiest couple people knew". All were shocked to find out when it happened." Also you said it's a secret at work, but if the owner knows, then most others will also.

This being the case, they can TRY to say whatever they want, but the real story is already out there. Since this is well known, then move on. Forget her and her cheating. Move on as if she never existed. Go enjoy life and find someone else who will appreciate you. Just keep your eyes open for any red flags early in any relationship and move on if you find them....
 

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I want her to know that I am aware of all her lying and cheating to give me some closure.
It's unlikely you'll get the closure you need. She won't be contrite. She's morally deficient. What if she laughs and says she doesn't care? She may enjoy the fact that she's occupying space in your thoughts and you're bringing drama to her life.

Living well is the absolute best revenge in this case. Have fun dating and live life large. She's about to get slapped in the face with the reality of being with a guy who's broke from paying child support and alimony, with his puberty-age daughter hating her because of the divorce. Combine that with the fact that they are both cheaters, and it's a certainty things are going to get rocky. Just live a great life and she'll look back with deep regret at giving up what she had.
 

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It's unlikely you'll get the closure you need. She won't be contrite. She's morally deficient. What if she laughs and says she doesn't care?
[*]She may enjoy the fact that she's occupying space in your thoughts and you're bringing drama to her life.


Living well is the absolute best revenge in this case. Have fun dating and live life large. She's about to get slapped in the face with the reality of being with a guy who's broke from paying child support and alimony, with his puberty-age daughter hating her because of the divorce. Combine that with the fact that they are both cheaters, and it's a certainty things are going to get rocky. Just live a great life and she'll look back with deep regret at giving up what she had.
Yep, read this post carefully. Spot on advice.
 

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I met her shortly after her ex-took his own life. Makes me wonder now what drove him to it. And she did tell me years down the road she cheated on him. She somehow justified to me. Love is blind I suppose.
That's the primary reason that I could never date anyone who had cheated on a prior spouse of theirs!

Gut instincts, IMHO, are premonitions from God and are the most reliable indicator there is regarding someone cheating on you. Your experience with it is certainly no exception!

I wish you well my friend! Sorry that this has happened to you! Welcome to the TAM Family!
 

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if i were you i would be going out of my way to help the om wife, make it a point to have him see you with her...this will drive him crazy and in turn piss off your ex.
Take her to "their" restaurant.

*I shouldn't like this as something for OP to do....but I do. OP could do for his entertainment, nothing more.
 
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