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Wife left me 3 weeks ago and here is why "Please Help"

My situation is very complex. First, I have been together with mi wife for 6 years and we have been married for almost 2 years. I have known my wife since we were kids. The reason why I am writing here is because she left me 3 weeks ago today. To explain he reasons for leaving, I will write short summary of our life.

I have been very possessive and manipulative, I have also try to separate her from her family, mistake that I truly regret. My wife she said that she was becoming someone else and she was not happy. I don’t smoke or have any bad habits and I have been loyal to her since day one, but I have been very jealous. Essentially, she got tired of everything and gave up.

Before you guys think I am a horrible husband, here is my story. I am 28 years old and my wife is 23. I have a 9-year son with a previous relationship; my wife truly loves my son. I have joint custody of my son, and he spends half of the week with me and the other half with his mom.

My wife moved to the States from Colombia and left her family to come live with me. She did not have anyone here and I was her everything. I took her to school very early pick her up take her to work and I began to give up many things to please her. I gave up friends and even work so she would be happy and not go back to Colombia. At that time, we were living at my parent’s house and we stayed there for 2 years until she began to have problems with my mom. My mom always wanted to raise my son and we were forming a family and we got tired of that. She moved to friends house for about 4 months until I got everything straight to purchase our house.

Soon after, we moved to our new house and life was beautiful. I helped her get a much better job at the bank and she was doing better financially. We both go to school and are almost done. We had our casual fights mostly because she did not like my job as Realtor since I am paid based on commission. I was also not as interested in my job as much, just to be around her. Another main factor that contributed to worsen the relationship was because her sister moved in with us. The sister came from Colombia to live here.
First, I took her sister everywhere and we helped her get a good job, but I heard her talking bad things about me with her family and I felt betrayed. She did not contribute financially to our house and I had many arguments with my wife. At the end she was just paying 50 dollars a week. The sister always said that my wife was living a boring life, but we had a family and always did things with my son the days we had him. I do want to mention that the sister loves my son very much as well. This is basically my situation.

I am aware of my problems and I have been working on them for a long time, my wife even said that she was really proud of me for working hard. Anyhow, it looks life she never believed in my change because it has been 3 weeks since she left me. I moved back to my parent’s house and she is living at my old house with her sister. For the first 2 weeks a begged and pleased implored her to come back. Now, it has been 3 days since I talk to her. I do talk to her sister as we workout together. Her sister told me that my wife is really happy and she is becoming herself again. Since the separation, I have had an spiritual awakening and I found God in my life, I know it’s hard to believe but I feel peace in my heart and I feel that I can offer her a more sincere relationship. Also, I am starting my own business with my best friend I am trying to focus on my son and myself. At this point, she has not signed the divorce papers, but she told me to forget about her, because she does not wan to be with me at this point and she does not know about how she will feel in the future. My question is should I move on or wait for her. I am trying the 180 but I feel that I love her too much to give up on my marriage. I can truly offer her a much better life not. I hope its not too late. Should I move on or wait for a sign.
 

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Discussion Starter #2
I know is a long story! Any help will be greatly appreciated. Also, I called her tonight because I saw her sister at the gym=( didn't beg my wife, just talked about her work.Unfortunately,I did told the sister how much I still love my wife and how miserable I felt.
 

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Re: Wife left me 3 weeks ago and here is why "Please Help"

My situation is very complex.

First, I have been together with her for 6 years and we have been married for almost 2 years. I have know my wife since we were kids. The reason why I am writing here is because she left me 3 weeks ago today. To explain he reasons for leaving, I will write short summary of our life and ups and downs.

I have been very possessive and manipulative, I have also try to separate from her family mistake that I truly regret and she said that she was becoming someone else. I don’t smoke casually drink and I have been loyal to her since day one, but I have been very jealous. Essentially, she got tired of everything. Before you guys think I am a horrible husband this is the situation.

I am 28 years old and my wife is 23. I have a 9-year son with a previous relationship, whom she really loves. I have joint custody of my son and he spends half of the week with me. My wife moved to the States from Colombia and left her family to come live with me. She did not have anyone here and I was her everything. I took her to school very early pick her up take her to work and I began to give up many things lie friend and even work so she would be happy and not go back to Colombia.

At that time we were living at my parent’s house and we stayed there for 2 years until she began to have problems with my mom. My mom always wanted to raise my son and we forming a family and we got tired of that. She moved to friends house for about 4 months until I got everything straight to purchase our house.

Soon after, we moved to our new house and life was beautiful. I helped her get a much better job and she was doing better financially.

We both go to school and are almost done. We had our casual fights mostly because she did not like my job as Realtor since I am paid based on commission and I have been slacking much just to be around her.

Another main factor that contributed to worsen her our relationship was because her sister moved in with us, she came from Colombia to live here. First, I took her everywhere and we helped her get a good job, and heard her talking bad things about me with her family and I felt betrayed. She did not contribute financially to our house and I had many arguments with my wife. At the end she was just paying 50 dollars a week. The sister always said that my wife was living a boring life, but we had a family and always did things with my son the days we had him. I do want to mention that the sister loves my son very much as well.

This is basically my situation. I am aware of my problems and I am have been working on them for a long time, my wife even said that she was really proud of me for working hard. Anyhow, it looks life she never believed in my change because it has been 3 weeks since she left me.

I moved back to my parent’s house and she is living at my old house with her sister. For the first 2 weeks a begged and pleased implored her to come back. Now, it has been 3 days since I talk to her.

I do talk to her sister as we workout together. Her sister told me that my wife is really happy and she is becoming herself again.

Since the separation, I have had an spiritual awakening and I found God in my life, I know its hard to believe but I feel peace in my heart and I feel that I can offer her a more sincere relationship. Also, I am starting my own business with my best friend I am trying to focus on my son and myself. At this point, she has not signed the divorce, but she told me to forget about her, as she does not wan to be with me at this point and she does not know about how she will feel in the future.

My question is should I move on or wait for her. I am trying the 180 but I feel that I love her too much to give up. Sorry for the long story, I need help.
Broke your story into paragraphs to read it better.

All i can suggest is keep trying if you want to, but if she is just not into you it's hard to turn things around. Sorry I can't offer more.
 

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Thanks Wazza.

OP, sounds like you are lucky you have not invested further in her. I suggest you do continue building on your life and move forward.

Realize that jealousy in and of itself is just an emotion. It is not bad or good on its own. It is there as a warning to us that our mate may not be faithful to us. So whether this jealosy is your problem or your salvation is in the details of her behavior and why you are jealous.

I am seeing some of the old nice guy in you and blaming yourself. But ne we cannot tell from what you have provided. I think you were being used.

That said, focus on your self esteem. Easy for me to say but I would let her go. She may not have been ready for marriage. I personally would not wait on anyone who left me. Either they stay and work on things or they have left. I will not be second choice.

This is not the woman you were looking for.
 

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Re: Wife left me 3 weeks ago and here is why "Please Help"

Thank you for taking the time to brake it down, and sorry for the long post. I do want to try, but she has isolated from everyone, she does not want to hear an advise from anyone. what do I do?
 

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I understand she may have not been ready for marriage, but she was the one who insisted on us getting married. I believe she still loves me. The problem was that I was controlling much of her life. Do you guys think is too late. I do not want to loose her.
 

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I understand she may have not been ready for marriage, but she was the one who insisted on us getting married. I believe she still loves me. The problem was that I was controlling much of her life. Do you guys think is too late. I do not want to loose her.
So you keep bringing up those hot buzz words. You know, jealous and controlling. Next comes insecure. Have you been posting on other forums and are being called these things? Whatup?

Is that what you really want to discuss?

Do you want us to explicitly ask you what it was she was wanting to do that you were jealous about? How were you being controlling? If so then just spill it out.

The bottomline if you felt the nedd to be jealous or even controlling then that is how you felt. Why is this all on you?

If she loved you enough she would have stayed.
 

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Good question,
I was controlling mostly on every aspect of the relationship. I do consider myself as insecure. I always wanted her to be around me and my son. when we went out, I dint like her drinking much because she started acting a bit too crazy, but never disrespected me. I would get mad over her not calling me during the day or stupid things like her going shopping with her sister. She works and goes to school and she was tired most of the time. That is basically why she left.
 

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Good question,
I was controlling mostly on every aspect of the relationship. I do consider myself as insecure. I always wanted her to be around me and my son. when we went out, I dint like her drinking much because she started acting a bit too crazy, but never disrespected me. I would get mad over her not calling me during the day or stupid things like her going shopping with her sister. She works and goes to school and she was tired most of the time. That is basically why she left.
Does not seem like anything to break up about. I get you not wanting her to get too crazy when drinking. Why would you get upset about her going shopping with her sister? The amount of communication during a given day varies with couples. I rarely am able to call my wife during the day frankly. That said I probably should do so more often. If you are obsessive about knowing everything she is doing then I would wonder why?

All this said, do some soul searching and move your life ahead. Next time you get into a relationship select someone you can trust more. Then live that trust. Transparency is great by the way. Nothing wrong with that.

She may have been a tad too young for you.
 

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Does not seem like anything to break up about. I get you not wanting her to get too crazy when drinking. Why would you get upset about her going shopping with her sister? The amount of communication during a given day varies with couples. I rarely am able to call my wife during the day frankly. That said I probably should do so more often. If you are obsessive about knowing everything she is doing then I would wonder why?

All this said, do some soul searching and move your life ahead. Next time you get into a relationship select someone you can trust more. Then live that trust. Transparency is great by the way. Nothing wrong with that.

She may have been a tad too young for you.

I was always too controlling, and I would get mad if she went out with her sister instead of spending time with me and and my son. Also, I am obsessive over her, but i don't really have a good reason that's just the way i dealt with my relationships and I am tired of always being this way. Thank you for your comments. I am working on myself and I stated earlier I have found a my spiritual side and I feel much better to deal with my situation.
 

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I started therapy, I am working on myself and I was doing pretty good until I decided to check on my wife through her mom. Her mother told me that my wife is really determined and that I should move on. She also said that it would be ideal if things work out, but my wife does not want to try. My questions is, should I move on, or wait for a miracle? I know i need to stop contacting her family because that kills me. I also see her sister at the gym and I am going to start avoiding her as well. I have been doing the 180, but I see no sign of hope, she does not call me or anything. Not having a food day so far:( any help?
 

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Keep doing the 180, but better. Your best chance to get her back is to let her go.. I know, sounds cliche...

But really, just be a good version of you and let her worry about her. If you two get back together, then so be it. Don't going chasing someone that is checked out though. very counter productive.

By the way... The sign of hope you are looking for with the 180 has more to do with how you feel about yourself and less to do with whether or not she is calling you.
 

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Keep doing the 180, but better. Your best chance to get her back is to let her go.. I know, sounds cliche...

But really, just be a good version of you and let her worry about her. If you two get back together, then so be it. Don't going chasing someone that is checked out though. very counter productive.

By the way... The sign of hope you are looking for with the 180 has more to do with how you feel about yourself and less to do with whether or not she is calling you.
Great point,

I feel that she checked out! I also believe that she is living a less responsible life and that is the main reason for her not coming back. I don't think the 180 will get her back, but I need to find myself back and move on. Any suggestions on moving on? anything, I am willing to try.
 

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I can read between the lines that you are feeling remorse/guilt for not "letting" your wife have more "her" time. You think that is coming back to bite you in the ass?

That may be so, some people after having family an relationship
Responsibilities suddenly get brain wave of self entitlement as if their spouse and children and purposefully been denying them
their own lives and fun and freedom.

Personally my opinion of such abandonders, is they are epitome of selfishness, I abhor them, whether daddy mid life crisis or a wife losing the baby fat, they take it those steps too far.

Don't indulge the selfish, it will poison you, and you will constantly question why you are not enough.

Or this will run its course.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

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I can read between the lines that you are feeling remorse/guilt for not "letting" your wife have more "her" time. You think that is coming back to bite you in the ass?

That may be so, some people after having family an relationship
Responsibilities suddenly get brain wave of self entitlement as if their spouse and children and purposefully been denying them
their own lives and fun and freedom.

Personally my opinion of such abandonders, is they are epitome of selfishness, I abhor them, whether daddy mid life crisis or a wife losing the baby fat, they take it those steps too far.

Don't indulge the selfish, it will poison you, and you will constantly question why you are not enough.

Or this will run its course.
Posted via Mobile Device
What a great response,

You are absolutely right. It kills me that i did not give her space when I had a chance. Also, she called me today to ask about my son. We talked for a little bit, and began to discuss out marriage. I was in the same area as she was and we met for like 10 minutes. It had been about two weeks since I have seen her. She game a long hug and it felt so good. Also, I told her that I have learned from my mistake and that we deserve to live happy how we always wanted. I asked her to think about our reconciliation and she said that not know, but she will think about it. I know I need to move on and not hang on to this, but I do feel good. Also, I told her to tell me in front of me if she didn't love me. She said that it wasn't about that. Any, input guys I will greatly appreciate it.
 
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