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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Last night my wife and I got in a stupid argument about nothing and we let it go way too far. I thought she was getting in the shower but she just turned on the water and jumped out the window. She went to her friends house(who is divorced) and she ended showing up an hour later with the police to grab her things. As if I were going to hurt her( I am not and never have been violent). We are newlywed and I don't want everything to be over because of anything, let alone that small. I apologized before she ever left and she just said I was lying. I am at the point where I don't know what to do if she thinks everything I say is a lie.. I have never lied to her and I just want her to come home. I'm sorry for the rambling on and on, but does anyone have any advice for me?
 

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barnot,sorry you're here,but maybe you could expound a little more on your situation as you may get better advice.I see your prior posts ended in Aug.2011.What's been going on since,as you left everything kind of vague and up in the air?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thank you for the reply. My last post in August 2011 ended in divorce(married 1.5 years, no kids). I was just remarried in October 2012. Fast, I know. Didn't plan on that happening. So newly married, 2 and a half months. We were fighting about her thinking I was being mean to her when I was really being urgent because we were late for something important. I understand how the two might get confused and I apolozied for her thinking I would be mean. I tried to explain that was not my intention and I told her I love her. She blew up because she then thought that I was telling her that she was wrong, but she was taking everything I was saying and putting a negative spin on it. She told me I wasn't really sorry and she didn't believe that I loved her. Anything I would say she would say I was lying. At that point I didn't want to fight anymore over such a small misunderstanding. I said I was sorry but it wasn't worth fighting about to me. It was then that she went into the bathroom and jumped out the window and ran. I knew where she was going so I hopped in the car to go talk to her. I went and knocked on the door and no one answered. I went to the ATM and grabbed money(I didn't want to get screwed over again like the last time I was divorced). She showed up an hour after she left with the police to grab her things. I asked her not to do that and told her I loved her. She grabbed all of her things and left her ring on the counter all without saying a word. I had a friend come over after that and grab my guns so I couldn't do anything stupid to myself.

It's now the next day, she sent me a text saying she loves and misses me, but won't respond when I ask if we can talk. I am at a loss for what I can do now. I don't want to lose her, but maybe I just need to let it go?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I think she told her parents and they are giving her money to get her away. I think she if feeling pressure from friends and family to stay away. Why can't people just mind their own business?
 

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Oh Barnot - I can't believe what you just wrote. The same exact thing word by word happened to me.

When I was reading your post I felt goosebumps because this is exactly what happened to me, word by word.

Are you sure you are not me :)

Same way my wife ran to her friend who is 29 years old and divorced. When I went to get my wife they did not open door on me and persuaded her to abort my first child, my wife was 6 months pregnant at that time.

She aborted the child at 6 months on July 9 2012after leaving my house on July 1, 2012.

I can not believe this is happening to somebody somewhere in this world that happened with me.

My advise - don't beg and don't send her any texts and I promise you she will come back. But if you beg or plead she would never come back.

Zappy
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I am not begging. I learned from last time. I told her I would not bother her anymore, but I loved her and missed her and she was welcome home.

We are both very stubborn people and an angry friend is only helping her to hold to the stubbornness even more. My wife is mad because I left her "homeless and broke" even though I asked her not to go. I have been depressed all day. Sitting in a recliner staring at a wall. I did not sleep at all last night, but was in the bathroom sick all night because of the circumstances. I can't talk to anyone because I don't want to make and family or friends upset with her because I do want to work things out. I just feel so lonely without her. I know it would be better for me to perk up and get out but I just can't do it. I just don't know what to do.

I'm sorry about your child and what has been happening to you. Life just really sucks sometime.
 

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Well...barnot just wait it out. Don't talk to much to her. She left so she's got to decide to come back. Don't chase but you already know that. It will pass. I dislike toxic friends.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I just found out that she is now 2 states away driving to her parents house. My heart just broke into about a million pieces.
 

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You must find your strength once again Barnot. I understand how you feel. Maybe not 100% because mine isn't 2 states away, but she may as well be.

When we're with someone, we let go. We let go of ourselves, slowly, but surely we lose our strength for ourselves. What happens to it? We spend it. We spend it on our lives, wives (spouses), children, work, etc. List goes on.

When this crisis hits, one leaves home, one asks for Divorce, or what have you, we seem to lose the rest of ourselves.

Find your strength again bub. It may take some time. Be strong for yourself, AND you wife! If she's the least bit confused, she'll need your strength to hold yourself together. For if she comes back to you, it will be a great tool that played a huge part. Or, if she stays strayed for a while, YOU will need it, so it'll play a big part in healing, becoming yourself again.

Good luck bub, we all know the hurt, all too well.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I have gotten texts from her that say "I love you and miss you" and "I want us to be together", but she still won't call or respond. Today I got a phone call from her divorced friend telling me to "stay the [email protected]& away from her" and if I didn't she would "come after me". I simply told her I love my wife enough to fight for her. I make sure that I am not constantly texting her. She is supposed to call tonight to talk about things and I'm wondering if it is really going to happen. She has so many negative people behind her that I feel they are pushing her and clouding her judgement. I still haven't been able to eat anything and I have lost 10 lbs in the 2 days because the situation has made me psyically ill. I am trying to keep busy, nothing I am doing works.

Another terrible day in the life of barnot...
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Every time I hear my phone beep, my heart jumps. My chest has been tight the whole time she has been gone and I honestly feel that if I wasn't as young as I am and in decent shape I would have a heart attack. I just don't don't know how long I can last like this.
 

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well her friend is definitely a "whisper in her ear"

Hard to fight those fights.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
So she actually called when she said she would and we talked for a while. Turns out she didn't just leave. She moved 3 states away without telling me. I was pretty upset. She says she still wants to work things out and she wants me to move out there so we can have a fresh start. At this point I have very little trust in her after what she did. But I do still love her and want things to work. I told her to get in counseling and said I would do the same. We can talk sometimes and she can try to earn my trust back. I told her if she can make me feel comfortable, then I would join her in Texas. I honestly don't think anything will change and I will be staying put. But I want to try so if she is willing, I guess it's worth a shot. Feeling a little better after I talked to her because I least I know where I stand now.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Oh, and as for the friend that called me swearing and threatening, I just called the police and filed a report. That felt pretty good too.
 

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Oh, and as for the friend that called me swearing and threatening, I just called the police and filed a report. That felt pretty good too.
This is good. She did threaten you right? If she bothers you again get a restraining order if you can.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Yeah, she did threaten me. I have been super jumpy all day every time I would hear a car door outside. The guy I talked to said if she does it again, it would be a class B misdemeanor.
 

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So she actually called when she said she would and we talked for a while. Turns out she didn't just leave. She moved 3 states away without telling me. I was pretty upset. She says she still wants to work things out and she wants me to move out there so we can have a fresh start. At this point I have very little trust in her after what she did. But I do still love her and want things to work. I told her to get in counseling and said I would do the same. We can talk sometimes and she can try to earn my trust back. I told her if she can make me feel comfortable, then I would join her in Texas. I honestly don't think anything will change and I will be staying put. But I want to try so if she is willing, I guess it's worth a shot. Feeling a little better after I talked to her because I least I know where I stand now.
Do you live around your family and freinds right now?

I have some concerns about your wife.

You say that she went out the bathroom window after the two of you had an argument. And you say that you did not threaten her, or touch her (or use violence). Did you throw anything? punch walls? Hit furniture? etc.?)

If there truly was nothing that she should have been afraid of and she did what she did, you need to be very careful of her. She has made false accusations again you in this case. Be very careful of any woman who makes false abuse claims. It could end you up in jail/prison.

Further, her unilateral move to Texas and then asking you to move there sounds like the actions of a controller and manipulator. When people are like this they seek to isolate their partner/spouse from friends and family. The goal is to get them isolated so that they are easier to control.

Be careful. Think long and hard about leaving a place where you have family and friends for a woman who crawled out of a window to carry out false accusations against you.
 
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