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If your spouse(tells you they're not happy and) wants out do you try to talk them out of it?

  • No, I will help them leave.

    Votes: 77 72.0%
  • Yes, I would show them what we had and have.

    Votes: 30 28.0%
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Discussion Starter · #1,301 ·
Question:
I had a conversation with my brother a few days ago, and had a question for him. He's on his second marriage and it seems pretty solid after 10 years. He dated a few women before marrying the second. It's obvious that I'm working on myself and trying to do the right thing. But my question was, "How long do you think it would really take to truly get over a wife or woman?" And he said, "It wont completely end until you have feelings for another. Whether it's 10 months, 10 years, but not until then."
I would really like everyone's thoughts on this.
 

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Question:
I had a conversation with my brother a few days ago, and had a question for him. He's on his second marriage and it seems pretty solid after 10 years. He dated a few women before marrying the second. It's obvious that I'm working on myself and trying to do the right thing. But my question was, "How long do you think it would really take to truly get over a wife or woman?" And he said, "It wont completely end until you have feelings for another. Whether it's 10 months, 10 years, but not until then."
I would really like everyone's thoughts on this.
That would be up to the person, I would think. Some people, by the time the judge's gavel hits the bench are already on the market. Others take longer to grieve the death of the relationship. I think a good measure is your temptation to talk about the past with your dates. If you can refrain from that, you're probably ready to date. If she is still your focus and you can't help but talk about her, you're probably not quite ready.
 

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Discussion Starter · #1,303 ·
That would be up to the person, I would think. Some people, by the time the judge's gavel hits the bench are already on the market. Others take longer to grieve the death of the relationship. I think a good measure is your temptation to talk about the past with your dates. If you can refrain from that, you're probably ready to date. If she is still your focus and you can't help but talk about her, you're probably not quite ready.
But what were your personal experiences with this? Did you gain feelings for someone else after getting divorce, and if so how over with your spouse were you?
 

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I understand that.
Then hopefully you understand that this is a process with rules for how things are done. There’s no sliding things under the radar. The two of you either agree on division of assets and debt or you don’t and if you don’t then you accept a third-party making the decision for you. That’s it.
 

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But what were your personal experiences with this? Did you gain feelings for someone else after getting divorce, and if so how over with your spouse were you?
I had feelings for plenty of women, while I was stuck in the limbo land of having to be legally separated for 12 months before I could divorce. So I started dating and sharing sex with different women, sometime between 2-3 months of my ex-wife and I splitting up.

As to getting over being with my ex-wife. My feelings towards her, over her betrayal, combined with sharing lots of fun and sex with different women helped that along quite nicely.
 

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But what were your personal experiences with this? Did you gain feelings for someone else after getting divorce, and if so how over with your spouse were you?
I am the type of person to forget that people, who leave my life, exist. Any memories I ruminate on are kept internally and not shared with anybody. If I am in the company of another person, previous relationships do not exist, for all intents and purposes.
 

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Question:
I had a conversation with my brother a few days ago, and had a question for him. He's on his second marriage and it seems pretty solid after 10 years. He dated a few women before marrying the second. It's obvious that I'm working on myself and trying to do the right thing. But my question was, "How long do you think it would really take to truly get over a wife or woman?" And he said, "It wont completely end until you have feelings for another. Whether it's 10 months, 10 years, but not until then."
I would really like everyone's thoughts on this.
There is a measure of truth to what your brother said. Is it a major transition after 30 years

and two kids, of course. You can never "completely forget about her." But what made it easy

for me was, I tried everything to save the M. She wanted the D, walked out on me... ultimate

betrayal. That is why after a couple weeks away from her when she finally came home, I was

110% done. When you've left everything on the field....that's all you can do. Your life will go on...

without her.
 
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Discussion Starter · #1,308 ·
I am the type of person to forget that people, who leave my life, exist. Any memories I ruminate on are kept internally and not shared with anybody. If I am in the company of another person, previous relationships do not exist, for all intents and purposes.
I feel you and understand. What I'm asking is pretty tough, but if you could tap into it for educational purposes and let me know would be appreciated, but if you can't I totally understand.
 

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Discussion Starter · #1,309 ·
There is a measure of truth to what your brother said. Is it a major transition after 30 years

and two kids, of course. You can never "completely forget about her." But what made it easy

for me was, I tried everything to save the M. She wanted the D, walked out on me... ultimate

betrayal. That is why after a couple weeks away from her when she finally came home, I was

110% done. When you've left everything on the field....that's all you can do. Your life will go on...

without her.
Thanks I appreciate that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #1,312 ·
@MrBigBoy ... Did you ever find out if your wife left you for someone else ?

Or the exact reason she left ?

Sorry if you have already answered this , if you did I missed it
No problem. She never admitted to cheating at all. As far as I know she's not physically seeing anyone. My brother(and his wife) bumped into her recently and they hugged and exchanged, "I love yous", etc. She told me that her sisters asked why she was there and away from me, and she told me that she told them that she did not want or plan to divorce me. She refused to give me any ideas of how long this could go on and sounded really uncooperative so I decided, like the guys here, that I should divorce her. Also, she did text me that she completed her dental assistant class awhile back, I text congratulations(she mentioned how much that meant to her, me congratulating her) and she text a pic of her holding her diploma. My brother agreed to take pictures for evidence, once he finds her whereabouts. But as far as her telling me an actual concrete reason? No, she has not. Not directly.
On my end? I would admit that I did lose my masculine energy, or frame. I think women will naturally challenge a man, it's their nature I think. We should expect this from them. I know I eventually failed the test. I think I eventually, gradually repositioned myself out of position, out of my masculine frame. So regardless of this outcome I'm focusing on me.
 

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If I met a woman that had her ex's last name I would dump her,...afterwards.
I'm just saying.
Huh?

WTF!

My, aren't you the righteous one!

NOT!

Look in the mirror!

Grow up!
 
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I'm working on my manframe not righteousframe.
Expand your frame BigBoy!

Not, your waistline.
Your' frame of reference.

We are all in this hodgepodge stew, together.
Think bigger!

Stink less.
 
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