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If your spouse(tells you they're not happy and) wants out do you try to talk them out of it?

  • No, I will help them leave.

    Votes: 77 72.0%
  • Yes, I would show them what we had and have.

    Votes: 30 28.0%
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OK, do as she says, BUT make sure someone from the law firm will be there to answer the judge if he/she questions why it was filled out that way.
Absolutely.

ETA:
Divorce judges like to ask questions (mine certainly did). Makes them feel that they’re involved and not just rubber-stamping divorces that are uncontested. Of course, your divorce will likely become contested once your wife is served and reads the complaint — assuming, of course, she isn’t planning on cooperating. It’ll be curious to see what her Answer alleges and what she asks for.
 

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Discussion Starter · #1,283 ·
Absolutely.

ETA:
Divorce judges like to ask questions (mine certainly did). Makes them feel that they’re involved and not just rubber-stamping divorces that are uncontested. Of course, your divorce will likely become contested once your wife is served and reads the complaint — assuming, of course, she isn’t planning on cooperating. It’ll be curious to see what her Answer alleges and what she asks for.
Yeah. Keep in mind the paralegal is aware that she may fight, but wanted to at least get it started.
 

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What do you call 100 divorce attorneys at the bottom of a lake?

A good start 8>)~~
 

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I don't trust attorneys so I will need experiences and advice from you all. I want this quick as possible, along with me keeping what I can.
For starters, I kept my exH last name.. He was fine with it... I also didn't like my maiden last name, so it was a no-brainer for me.

I only went for what was right by law... Nothing more, nothing less. I had 30 days from the time I was served to respond. If I had not, it'd be uncontested and he got what he wanted. By the grace of God, one thing led to another, and another and I was able to respond and then retain a lawyer. He did everything and I just sat back, biting my tongue even if I wanted to yell and scream.
 

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Yeah. Keep in mind the paralegal is aware that she may fight, but wanted to at least get it started.
Well, I hope there’s a strategy for that because in my state what would happen when the parties don’t agree is that as the defendant she would file an Answer that would likely deny what you said in the Complaint about assets and debt. At that point a hearing/trial would be scheduled and the two of you would each present your side and the judge would decide what’s to be done since the two of you can’t agree. That might be a quick process but it also might not.
 

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Discussion Starter · #1,289 ·
Well, I hope there’s a strategy for that because in my state what would happen when the parties don’t agree is that as the defendant she would file an Answer that would likely deny what you said in the Complaint about assets and debt. At that point a hearing/trial would be scheduled and the two of you would each present your side and the judge would decide what’s to be done since the two of you can’t agree. That might be a quick process but it also might not.
So what would you suggest I do if the stbxw is not cooperating with me?
 

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Discussion Starter · #1,290 ·
For starters, I kept my exH last name.. He was fine with it... I also didn't like my maiden last name, so it was a no-brainer for me.

I only went for what was right by law... Nothing more, nothing less. I had 30 days from the time I was served to respond. If I had not, it'd be uncontested and he got what he wanted. By the grace of God, one thing led to another, and another and I was able to respond and then retain a lawyer. He did everything and I just sat back, biting my tongue even if I wanted to yell and scream.
I really hope she does not keep my name. I personally think it's weird, and in some cases spiteful.
 

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So what would you suggest I do if the stbxw is not cooperating with me?
The law cannot force you to stay in a marriage if you want out. There are default positions, in terms of divisions of assets that the judge would refer to in order to bring a legal end to your marriage. All you can do is be as prepared as you can. Find out the law in your area, in regards to division of assets, and make the adjustments that you like that still respect that law. That's probably the best way to get a judgement in your favour.
 

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Discussion Starter · #1,292 ·
Should I inform my stbxw about the summons that will be coming? I'm not sure if she really believes I'll file. And I don't want to piss her off and make her fight. Should I alert her to tell her that I will be filing and keeping what's mine, and she keeps what's hers, and what's our will remain ours?
 

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I really hope she does not keep my name. I personally think it's weird, and in some cases spiteful.
I guess it would depend on the situation. But I do understand how that would make you feel.

I moreso kept it because I didn't want to go through the hassle of changing my name on everything again... It's funny cause with his first wife he was adamant she didn't keep it, with me, he didn't care. She would've done it out of spite...
 

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Discussion Starter · #1,294 ·
I guess it would depend on the situation. But I do understand how that would make you feel.

I moreso kept it because I didn't want to go through the hassle of changing my name on everything again... It's funny cause with his first wife he was adamant she didn't keep it, with me, he didn't care. She would've done it out of spite...
I also think most women do this because they know their chances of remarrying is very, very low, so they like to hold onto something to explain to others and letting them know that they were married, at least. If I met a woman that had her ex's last name I would dump her,...afterwards. I'm just saying.
I admit that I had issues with dependency. But if my stbxw keeps my name, I think she has issues with independency. The root of divorce, is div=divide. Go back to you, is what everyone should do.
 

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I also think most women do this because they know their chances of remarrying is very, very low, so they like to hold onto something to explain to others and letting them know that they were married, at least. If I met a woman that had her ex's last name I would dump her,...afterwards. I'm just saying.
I admit that I had issues with dependency. But if my stbxw keeps my name, I think she has issues with independency. The root of divorce, is div=divide. Go back to you, is what everyone should do.
That sure is a another perspective, definitely not how I saw it at all. TAM has definitely taught me that we all handle things extremely different.
 

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So what would you suggest I do if the stbxw is not cooperating with me?
That’s where the judge comes in. If the two of you can’t agree, he’ll make the determination after hearing both your sides. You’ll be granted a divorce at some point but it may not be quick or easy. It depends on how uncooperative she is as to how the process goes. She can’t prevent the divorce but she can make it difficult.
 

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I also think most women do this because they know their chances of remarrying is very, very low, so they like to hold onto something to explain to others and letting them know that they were married, at least. If I met a woman that had her ex's last name I would dump her,...afterwards. I'm just saying.
I admit that I had issues with dependency. But if my stbxw keeps my name, I think she has issues with independency. The root of divorce, is div=divide. Go back to you, is what everyone should do.
I wanted my original name back because it was mine even though I’d had my husband’s name for 45 years. Many women want to have the same name as their child(ren). I didn’t feel that way even though my child and grandchildren wanted me to keep it. Some women find their married name easier to pronounce or shorter or less complicated or they’ve had it a long time or whatever the reason might be for keeping it. There are all sorts of reasons why but most frequent is having the same name as their child(ren).

Should I inform my stbxw about the summons that will be coming? I'm not sure if she really believes I'll file. And I don't want to piss her off and make her fight. Should I alert her to tell her that I will be filing and keeping what's mine, and she keeps what's hers, and what's our will remain ours?
Yes, let her know that you’re filing if you think she’ll be more uncooperative if she finds out when she’s served (she has to either be served or waive service and waiving service is usually done when the parties are in agreement — which so far the two of you aren’t).

As to what yours together (house, cars, boat — whatever is jointly owned), that’s obviously the part you have to divide. In my state whatever is acquired during a marriage is considered as belonging to both of you and is marital property unless there’s an agreement in writing between the two of you that it doesn’t. Same goes for debt. Which is why division of assets and debt can be difficult to agree on. If the two of you can’t agree then the judge will do it for you. That’s what you want to avoid if at all possible since you may not like what the judge decides.
 

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I guess it would depend on the situation. But I do understand how that would make you feel.

I moreso kept it because I didn't want to go through the hassle of changing my name on everything again... It's funny cause with his first wife he was adamant she didn't keep it, with me, he didn't care. She would've done it out of spite...
Yes, the hassle of changing it everywhere — and getting new ID’s — is a total pain. Definitely some women don’t want to go through that. I was determined to erase as much of my exH as I could and a key part of that was going back to who I was originally even though a lot of decades separated that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #1,300 ·
That’s where the judge comes in. If the two of you can’t agree, he’ll make the determination after hearing both your sides. You’ll be granted a divorce at some point but it may not be quick or easy. It depends on how uncooperative she is as to how the process goes. She can’t prevent the divorce but she can make it difficult.
I understand that.
 
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