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If your spouse(tells you they're not happy and) wants out do you try to talk them out of it?

  • No, I will help them leave.

    Votes: 30 85.7%
  • Yes, I would show them what we had and have.

    Votes: 5 14.3%
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My wife(after 32 years-since HSchool) told me about 3 months ago that she was leaving(separation possible divorce) around the end of November of this year 2021. A few days ago she bought a storage unit and she's there now putting a few things into it. Even with the warning I feel like a deer in headlights. I know I know. I took her out to eat 1-2 days a week for the last few months hoping it would help make things better for us. I had hope. I mean things are bad sometimes but what marriage is 100% flawless? My son is out living with his friends, he just couldn't respect my rules(no marijuana, help around the house, etc.). I have no family or friends in this state. My closest relative over powers me with constant preaching(phone). My closest friend drinks daily and is always medicated with Vino(wine), this is how he deals with his passing wife(phone). I really don't know what's going to happen to me. My job(I'm the owner) is strenuous. And my wife used to relief some of that pressure with the paperwork. No son, no, with, no friends or family. I've never been alone. I have a slight cast of social anxiety.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I wanted to add something: My wife acts as though nothing is happening. In fact, she's acting happy. She yells when seeing someone on tv scoring a touchdown or sings and smiles like she's wanting me to know she's happy when cleaning up around the house. I'm trying to hide my pain.
 

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My wife(after 32 years-since HSchool) told me about 3 months ago that she was leaving(separation possible divorce) around the end of November of this year 2021. A few days ago she bought a storage unit and she's there now putting a few things into it. Even with the warning I feel like a deer in headlights. I know I know. I took her out to eat 1-2 days a week for the last few months hoping it would help make things better for us. I had hope. I mean things are bad sometimes but what marriage is 100% flawless? My son is out living with his friends, he just couldn't respect my rules(no marijuana, help around the house, etc.). I have no family or friends in this state. My closest relative over powers me with constant preaching(phone). My closest friend drinks daily and is always medicated with Vino(wine), this is how he deals with his passing wife(phone). I really don't know what's going to happen to me. My job(I'm the owner) is strenuous. And my wife used to relief some of that pressure with the paperwork. No son, no, with, no friends or family. I've never been alone. I have a slight cast of social anxiety.
I'm sorry that is happening.
I wanted to add something: My wife acts as though nothing is happening. In fact, she's acting happy. She yells when seeing someone on tv scoring a touchdown or sings and smiles like she's wanting me to know she's happy when cleaning up around the house. I'm trying to hide my pain.
She grieved out the loss of her marriage a long time ago. For whatever is the root reason for her wanting out of the marriage, she dealt with it a long time ago.

It's kind of akin to when a spouse with a terminal illness finally dies and the living spouse shrugs their shoulders and remarries soon after. They aren't being cold, they just grieved it out a long time ago.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I'm sorry that is happening.

She grieved out the loss of her marriage a long time ago. For whatever is the root reason for her wanting out of the marriage, she dealt with it a long time ago.

It's kind of akin to when a spouse with a terminal illness finally dies and the living spouse shrugs their shoulders and remarries soon after. They aren't being cold, they just grieved it out a long time ago.
I'm assuming by this time(grieved out the loss stage) it's too late?
 

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You keep asking for help and when people advise you to do something you don’t do it.
1. You have a wife that is completely disrespectful to you, she has you so scared of being on your own that you come across as pathetic. She forced you to go to therapy and when she seen that you were starting to see through her bs she called and insulted your therapist. Then the therapist refused to accept you as a patient.
2. Your son is a waster. You keep throwing him out and then letting him come back with boundaries set and he pisses on your boundaries. Rinse and repeat.
3. When your wife left you for three months you started to take control of your life. You were having counselling, buying cooking utensils and improving yourself. When she seen this she got worried that you were starting to move on without her so she moved back in and your pathetic situation recommenced.
4. Your wife is going nowhere. She is manipulating you and when she decides to stay you will be so ****in grateful that you will do anything that she wants.
5. Two years ago that when your wife left you should have divorced her but you didn’t.
6. You say you have no friends well the easiest way to get a friend is to be one. Why don’t you do some volunteering at a shelter (Animal or human) and just try and occupy your time instead of having a pity party.
 

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I would DEF check the phone bill and phone (if you can -- txt messages) and email. If she is reaching back to 15 YEARS ago, but hasn't brought it up before now, I think she may be trying to re-write the marital history because she wants to, or already IS, involved with someone else.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
You keep asking for help and when people advise you to do something you don’t do it.
1. You have a wife that is completely disrespectful to you, she has you so scared of being on your own that you come across as pathetic. She forced you to go to therapy and when she seen that you were starting to see through her bs she called and insulted your therapist. Then the therapist refused to accept you as a patient.
2. Your son is a waster. You keep throwing him out and then letting him come back with boundaries set and he pisses on your boundaries. Rinse and repeat.
3. When your wife left you for three months you started to take control of your life. You were having counselling, buying cooking utensils and improving yourself. When she seen this she got worried that you were starting to move on without her so she moved back in and your pathetic situation recommenced.
4. Your wife is going nowhere. She is manipulating you and when she decides to stay you will be so ****in grateful that you will do anything that she wants.
5. Two years ago that when your wife left you should have divorced her but you didn’t.
6. You say you have no friends well the easiest way to get a friend is to be one. Why don’t you do some volunteering at a shelter (Animal or human) and just try and occupy your time instead of having a pity party.
1. You are absolutely right.
2. You are absolutely right. But at least I throw him back out, right?
3. You are absolutely right. I'm picking the books back up again and ordering more.
4. You are right and wrong. I wont do anything she wants.
5. Maybe. But that goes against scriptures.
6. I agree and I will definitely consider this. Thanks for this tip.
But you have to remember, I love her. Always have, always will.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
If someone gets to the point they’re threatening to leave, they’ve either already made up their mind or they’re trying to manipulate you. Neither situation is worth your time.
I don't think she's trying to manipulate me. She's not asking anything from me other than I should hurry and hire someone to help with the paperwork.
 

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This will be my first Thanksgiving alone in 50 years. Christmas, New Years,... etc.
So do something about it. Places are opening up why don’t you book a vacation or just an overnight trip so you aren’t on your own. You say you have a twin, are you in contact and would a visit be possible?
 
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