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My wife of 23 years told me she isn't attracted to me at all and hasn't been for most of our marriage. She wants me to find a girl friend but stay married to me. We have been equal partners in aspect of our marriage; work, chores, and taking care of the family. I workout every day and weigh the same as when we meet. 5'8" 170 lbs. She won't even let me touch or hug her. I'm still in love with her, but can't live like this anymore.

I don't want to get a girl friend, I would prefer my wife back. She has made it very clear no more sex.

I'm going to move out to see if she misses me, how much time should I give before asking for a divorce?
 

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My wife told me to go find a surrogate as well. From everything I've read, that won't work and your wife is nothing more than a roommate...not much fun and definitely not a marriage. You'd be better off with divorce and find a woman that will love you.
 

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I'm sorry, man. That's a soul-crushing thing to hear.

This obviously is not the marriage you signed up for. Time to let her go.

Any kids? If so, custody is going to be an issue and for that reason I would not leave the home until you've spoken with a lawyer.
 

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She wants the security and financial benefits of marriage, but that's it? Do you really want to be nothing more to her than a wallet? Don't "wait" at all. Perhaps she is not attracted to you not because of physical attributes, but because of how you acted in the marriage? Were you a doormat to her?

I'd say also look to the possibility of an affair ongoing right now. These "I never really loved you" type statements tend to point to that pretty often. Her nonsense about "you can get a girlfriend" also points to this. Vitually NO woman, even if they don't want sex from her husband, is just okay with him having it with someone else.

Again, no waiting. Seperate immediately and file for divorce immediately. She told you where her head is at. Believe her.

Do you want a business partner and roommate, or someone to love who loves you in return? Don't waste another minute on this one.

After you leave her and file for divorce, and break off all contact with her...give it 6 months. My bet is you're going to find a regretful woman on your doorstep professing love and attraction for you.
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My wife turned me down and put off sex for the past several years after a long fulfilling sex life.

We kind of got past that, and now she is unable to orgasm for any reason. We think it is because of meds she is taking.

She is just numb in her entire vagina and clitoris. She says she would give anything to just have one little orgasm.......She passed on hundreds, and now can't have any.......

Ann Landers once said "You have to shoot the ducks when they are flying"......Now it seems all the ducks have flown.......

I hope a woman who is holding out on her husband reads this and learns sex is not forever.......
 

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My wife of 23 years told me she isn't attracted to me at all and hasn't been for most of our marriage. She wants me to find a girl friend but stay married to me. We have been equal partners in aspect of our marriage; work, chores, and taking care of the family. I workout every day and weigh the same as when we meet. 5'8" 170 lbs. She won't even let me touch or hug her. I'm still in love with her, but can't live like this anymore.

I don't want to get a girl friend, I would prefer my wife back. She has made it very clear no more sex.

I'm going to move out to see if she misses me, how much time should I give before asking for a divorce?
This would be a dealbreaker for me. My wife even suggesting this.

But for certain she has already found another playmate.

She is not telling you the truth. She is re-writing history.

She may believe this now because she is in deep.
 

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My wife of 23 years told me she isn't attracted to me at all and hasn't been for most of our marriage. She wants me to find a girl friend but stay married to me. We have been equal partners in aspect of our marriage; work, chores, and taking care of the family. I workout every day and weigh the same as when we meet. 5'8" 170 lbs. She won't even let me touch or hug her. I'm still in love with her, but can't live like this anymore.

I don't want to get a girl friend, I would prefer my wife back. She has made it very clear no more sex.

I'm going to move out to see if she misses me, how much time should I give before asking for a divorce?
No she loved you and was attracted to you just fine at some point in the real history which she has rewritten. She also wants you to find a gf to alleviate the guilt she feels about her bf (sorry to put it so bluntly, but you couldn't have written the cheater's script any more concisely with your post). Don't move out, request her to move out, have your lawyer draft the separation agreement and be firm about your share of the assets (like the home) - in fact be aggressive so you have a place to negotiate from. Lawyer up, and yes 180 for your own mental strength... sorry you are here, after 23 years of commitment it is completely tragic when one just checks out on the other.
 

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Okay.

First, she might be telling the God's good truth. She doesn't need to be cheating (though I'd check that out) Due to cultural conditioning, women are told they find a good man, get married, spit out 2.3 kids, have a dog etc.

Well...she did all those things and the magic fulfillment fairies didn't give her orgasmic happiness. She still feels dissatisfied that 'this is it'.

And for 23 years, she mentally realized that you were a good guy! She had no particular reason to divorce you, because you were a package...at least one she could afford. (mutual sex and status ranks) But according to her, her heart didn't join in the admiration.

But now, she's had enough. Sorry to say. And she's wasted 23 years of both of your life. So she is a sunk cost. You had your good times, and you have any kids or memories, but time for her to move (YOU are not dissatisfied)

I don't think that her solution is moral, viable or healthy. She gets what she wants (dry thighs) and you get...what? Nothing. It's a sh*t test. Don't put up with it.

Put the house on the market, look for an apartment near your work or downtown and a gym, and plan the seperation of assets. Visibly.

Oh...and grab half the funds NOW before she does.
 

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If you told me her name was Gina, I'd tell you we married the same pig. She's used you for a meal ticket and if you have any kids, better get a dna test cause you never know. Any time you waste staying with her is time you'll never get back so dump her and start living a life that you KNOW is real.
 
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