[dgraham78]

Hey everyone,
I am needing the best advice, my wife left me two days ago, we are separated but not going through a divorce. She says we have had a toxic relationship with me being the one bringing her down. I admit I have been very harsh on how I treated her, I have belittled her, poked fun, even been times where I have been physical and emotional abuse. I have started to finally see where I have been in the wrong. I need good advice on how to make the changes and maybe a little support on a ongoing basis. This is really hard for me to admit all this, but I love my wife and the idea of losing her is a huge eye opener!

We both see therapist, and I am serious about getting the help!

 

[that_girl]

Get therapy and change.

Give her time away. You are an abuser. It's good you see the errors in your part but true change doesn't happen overnight. She'll have to see that you are truly changed. That takes time.

Give her time to breathe. And good luck.

 

[MSC71]

yep, you need to go through the steps to change. Telling her you will change will do no good. Actions speak louder than words! If you don't want to lose her your best chance is to giver her space and work on your problems. Try not to toot your own horn either by telling her how you have changed and giving her examples. Truly focus on YOU, if the change is genuine, she will notice. No begging or pleading either.

My suggestion would be to admit to her how you have been, don't try and justify or point out anything she has done. Tell her you need to get help and you are going to work on you for a while and give her space. And please don't try and change her mind, it will only make her want to leave even more.

 

[Dewayne76]

DON'T RUSH IT! What they say is true.

Change change change. Get the help to Change! Do everything you can. Don't worry about whether she sees it or not.

At this point, your main problem is YOU! Whether you guys get back together or not, you need to change or otherwise this'll happen again in your next relationship. I hope you've had the same perverbial brick to hit you in the head as I did. I wasn't physical, but had a bad anger problem and hit walls on occasion. The next thing was I didn't always talk to my wife with respect.

Now I see all of my errors and I have purchased sessions with counselors, bought 6 books, downloaded 2 other books and I'm working on myself every day.

Good luck.