[Rayneinoh]

I have been married for 9 years. We have 2 children (1 between us and her son) 5 and 13. My wife has changed in the 14 months. She lost weight and with that came new clothes. I was happy that she started taking better care of herself. But as she lost weight she started going out more with GF's I called her on it and she cut back for a few weeks but it started up again. With her new look she is getting the "why is she with him" comments.

I started losing some weight as well but it is slower going for me. She doesn't want to go out with me anymore. It's almost like she is ashamed of me. I asked her why she feels like that and I quote "You were ok when I was fat but I need a more manly man" That was two monthes ago. It broke me. I have started to drink, I started missing work.

I have checked phone records and texts. I didn't find any increase usage . I think she is cheating or is looking for an "upgrade". What can I do? I love her so much. I may sound desperate and I guess I am. I never thought I would marry anyone and then I met her.

Any advice is welcome (and I know that I am a beta male)

 

[Rayneinoh]

She is out with her girlfriends now. Maybe I should drop in on the fun. She is at a local club.

 

[tom67]

Thats a good idea.
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[Plan 9 from OS]

Maybe you can see her in action and see if she's looking. Can't hurt.

 

[Madman1]

No but you can watch from a distance.
She is crossing the line going to these clubs without you! and telling you not to go is sooo disrepectful.

It happenes just this way all the time.

Some here suggest getting voice activated recorders (VAR)and velcro them in the car, get two so you can swap.

Keep checking.

We are having a special this month on the "BETA" treatment, at no extra charge-
you will want to wait until she cheats, and then let her lie to you for months, and then when you find somthing, make you feel like its your fault, meanwhile she will take it underground, have great sex with the otherman, while they laugh at you together, also while allowing you to pay for it.

 

[tom67]

Anytime they lose weight they look to upgrade alot of threads just like this.
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[walkonmars]

She told you what she wants. A more manly man. Man up. Tell her to get her ass out of your house until her attitude changes. Then she can have all the fun she wants.

You let her get away with talking to you like this & you'll never hear the end of it unil..... Well, the end.

 

[Will_Kane]

I have been married for 9 years. We have 2 children (1 between us and her son) 5 and 13. My wife has changed in the 14 months. She lost weight and with that came new clothes. I quote "You were ok when I was fat but I need a more manly man"

She sounds awful. What do you see in her?

 

[Summer4744]

Ray. That is the last thing you should do. You will look weak and she will lose respect for you if you try to crash her party.

Your only chance is to give her the 180.

If she knows she can use you as a crutch untill she finds someone better she will do just that. Your only chance is to force her hand and see how she reacts.

 

[tom67]

You start going out a few nights a week don't tell her where turn the tables on her.

 

[Shaggy]

Get and read Married Mand Sex Life by Athol ASAP, and begin the map ASAP.

Hopefully you can stall her cheating long enough to put the mp to work.

I'd drop by to see what she's upto the club, or have a buddy or eoman you can trust or PI do it.

Put a var in her car to catch what she's saying about you on the phone.

 

[Entropy3000]

All I can say is what I would have done. I would not have been ok with her going out to bars / clubs. I would have considered that unacceptable and if she chose to do it I would have opted out of the marriage.

That said, she basically has told you she is looking for another man. That she feels she is too good for you. I would man up as they say but frankly I would not be doing it for her. I would move on. easy for me to say but I would not want to be with a women like that.

Would I go check up on her? I might. But again my focus would be on moving on. This sounds like a long term strategy for her. I think she might find her belongings on the front lawn. Then again, best to see the lawayer and have her served.

How many marriages has she had?

This is not the woman you were looking for. I am sorry.

 

[keko]

After what she told you, you shouldn't spend an ounce of energy trying up check up on her or "win" her back. She clearly told you you're not her #1. No need to let yourself be disrespected like that. Consult a lawyer to learn your rights in the event of s divorce and if she is already cheating, his much would that help you in divorce.
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[The Middleman]

She is out with her girlfriends now. Maybe I should drop in on the fun. She is at a local club.

This is exactly what you need to do....every single time she goes out. I can't believe the crap she said to you. Instead of making your life miserable over this, you should make her life miserable. Interrupt these girls nights out.

 

[NewM]

How about you divorce her?

 

[Tony55]

"You were ok when I was fat but I need a more manly man"

And I wonder what would happen to a man who said, "You were ok when I was fat but I need a more dainty woman."

Her crass comment to you summed up her frame of mind. You really shouldn't accept this behavior from anyone. Your best shot of snapping her out of whatever fantasy she's in will be by shutting her down in your heart. It's time to take that stand my friend, sooner rather than later. Notify her that the marriage has run its course and you're looking to upgrade.

T

 

[ShootMePlz!]

Bring a Busty Hooker over and soil the marital bed....and throw all her stuff out on the lawn. When she comes back and asks you why...just tell her " I wanted more of a Womanly Woman"!!! :smthumbup:

 

[tom67]

Bring a Busty Hooker over and soil the marital bed....and throw all her stuff out on the lawn. When she comes back and asks you why...just tell her " I wanted more of a Womanly Woman"!!! :smthumbup:

Why don't you say what you really feel:rofl::lol:

 

[Simon Phoenix]

If she is telling you that she needs a more 'manly' man, one can only imagine what she is telling her girlfriends behind your back. Believe me, what she's telling them is much worse than that.

While she might not be cheating on you right now, she's on the waiting list. I and several others know this script all too well. They start believing that they deserve better than you and begin acting as if they are doing you a favor by staying with you, thereby lowering your self-esteem in the process. The reason why she doesn't want you around her when she goes out is because she's interviewing other guys for your gig. The moment she finds one, she will either want you out the door (while you pay child support) or keep you around so she can cake-eat.

Don't allow this behavior to continue. You keep working on yourself at the pace that's best for your body. If she can't stomach the thought of being with you in public, you just might have to start thinking of moving on. In the meantime, put her on the 180 and see how she reacts when you start going out without her. Fire back with needing to find a more 'womanly' woman when she starts asking you why you insist on going out alone or why you're not on your hands and knees begging her for sex. Maybe this will shock her enough to see through the fog that's gathering around her; only time will tell...
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[Acabado]

Drop the booze NOW.
Focus completely on yourself. Make a life for yourself, your activities, your schedule, your fun. Reinvent yourself. Force you to stop caring about her. Stop caring about the marriage. Don't inform her, don't ask her, don't confront her about her whereabouts, her life, plans, feelings. Take decision and make her deal with the results after the fact. Don't explain yourself.

The 180 degree rules