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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I've been married for 3 years, together for 4. I'm 31. She's 27. No kids. I've been financially supporting her, but my income has decreased significantly. She doesn't work.

My wife and I talked after she had left for a family visit for over a month, when she became more and more distant and angry towards me. I remained calm and listened. She told me everything that's been bothering her with our relationship and cried through most of it. She says it's half my family and half me, and she went through a list of why. She dreams of a happy life with her in-laws, but said she will never have that with me. She thinks my mother and brother hate her and always will. She also thought that I never stood up to them enough when defending her. She says that they've caused our relationship to go down and down.

As for me, she said I've been overly critical of her repeatedly over the past 3 years about her clothes, body, our sex life and even her choice of shows she likes. She says I don't take her out to dance enough, and I'm unhappy when I do. She brought up trips that we've taken that she didn't think I was excited for. She's been waiting for me to give her a dream wedding because we eloped when we got married. She feels that I haven't been trying to have the wedding and get her new ring because I've bought other things instead, and she's been waiting 3 years. She thinks I'm too impatient and get angry as a result, which pushes her away more and more.

She doesn't think I will change. She thinks I will always be too impatient and critical. And she knows my family will never change. She said that she doesn't want me or my family to change if we tried because she thinks it would be fake and not a natural change.

She's given up on me. She says things have gone too far to where she doesn't care anymore. She won't see a marriage counselor. She's done with me.

I'm heartbroken. We both still said we love each other. I got a little emotional because I know my impatience and criticism is coming from my financial and family stress, and I told her that I wish she could see that and let me get help. I know I've wronged her so many times. I've been under constant stress since we got married, and I have plenty of low points where I lash out. I haven't been the same person she first met. I don't have enough money for her dream wedding and ring. I know I need help and want to get it. She said it didn't matter and it's too late. I asked her to at least take some time to think about what I said and not make a decision yet. She said her mind was made up before she came to talk. She wants to end it. Once she makes up her mind that's it.

We ended our talk calmly. We hugged a few times. I told her I love her and hope she will at least consider what I said about getting help. I don't think she will change her mind. I think it's over. She's taking her things and leaving tomorrow. I feel like such a fool and a jerk.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I take care of her financially. She had part time jobs before we moved here. It was more to keep her busy, and so I would have time to myself for my work from home. She looked for a job when we moved here, but gave up after one interview. This was over 6 months ago. I told her she would have to get a job when she got back for her long family visit, which would be now.
 

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I'm sorry. This is a rough spot to be in. I know from my own MC a lot of that can be addressed through it. So go to a few sessions.. Tell her it's even find closure if you want and when you're there the counselor will ask why you're here and you both get to tell your side of the story. Maybe she'll gain some perspective.
 

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I take care of her financially. She had part time jobs before we moved here. It was more to keep her busy, and so I would have time to myself for my work from home. She looked for a job when we moved here, but gave up after one interview. This was over 6 months ago. I told her she would have to get a job when she got back for her long family visit, which would be now.

So, she's an entitled princess...
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
So, she's an entitled princess...
Yes, she has been taken care of her whole life by her rich father. She's from another country, and he cut her off financially when she decided to stay here. Soon after that, I met her. I didn't have a problem taking care of her financially at first. But my debt has grown and my income decreased, which has led to so much stress and me battling depression.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I'm sorry. This is a rough spot to be in. I know from my own MC a lot of that can be addressed through it. So go to a few sessions.. Tell her it's even find closure if you want and when you're there the counselor will ask why you're here and you both get to tell your side of the story. Maybe she'll gain some perspective.
She refused MC repeatedly when I asked her during our talk. She doesn't think it will do any good. It's too late. We're broken.
 

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She refused MC repeatedly when I asked her during our talk. She doesn't think it will do any good. It's too late. We're broken.
Or...

It's too late. She wants more money.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Not much evidence of love - just blaming you for all the perceived wrongs In the marriage with no insight into her own possible failings no? I take it daddy would support her again if she went running back to him?
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No insight really besides her saying that we're incompatible because I'm too impatient and she's very patient. Also, she says we have different interests that don't mix like me wanting to stay home watching movies and her wanting to go out to dance.

Her dad has been trying to get her to come back to him since he cut off support. He doesn't know we eloped. I have since met him and asked for his permission to marry her, which he granted a couple years ago. But, he thinks she's just messing with me now and should come back if we're not getting married.
 

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So, she rebelled against Daddy but now that your income has dropped it ain't so much fun anymore? My bet is Daddy agreed to turn the gravy train back on if she leaves you and she chose the money. Sorry for your pain, but I would advise you let her go and be thankful you never got around to having any kids. Look at some of her gripes to see that she is little more than an entitled child. What kind of future do you see with her?
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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Or...

It's too late. She wants more money.
I don't think she wants money. She could have that if she went back to live with her father. She's planning to sign her car that I bought her over to me today. She also will probably want to divorce me without lawyers. She does want security, sure, which is fine with me. But, unfortunately I can't afford the fancy ring and wedding that she has wanted for 3 years. It makes me feel like such a loser.
 

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No insight really besides her saying that we're incompatible because I'm too impatient and she's very patient. Also, she says we have different interests that don't mix like me wanting to stay home watching movies and her wanting to go out to dance.

Her dad has been trying to get her to come back to him since he cut off support. He doesn't know we eloped. I have since met him and asked for his permission to marry her, which he granted a couple years ago. But, he thinks she's just messing with me now and should come back if we're not getting married.
So you say she is very patient, but unwilling to invest some time and effort into marriage counseling? Doesn't make sense to me.
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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
So you say she is very patient, but unwilling to invest some time and effort into marriage counseling? Doesn't make sense to me.
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She's definitely more patient than me. But, I agree it doesn't make sense. She says that she's already given up and it's past the point of no return.
 

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Open your eyes, friend. She opines for the dream wedding you can no longer afford and refuses to get a job to help pay for it herself? That's an entitled princess. So what if she gives back the car? Daddy likely promised her a better one. Again, what kind of future do you expect to have with her?
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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Her dad offered her her own clothing store if she wanted it years ago if she came back to her country. She hates her stepmother, and didn't want to go back.

It seems like she will probably stay with her sister here until she finds a nicer version of me with a fatter wallet and a family that loves her. But, she does want to go back to take care of her father in 10 years as he's getting older.

I don't know what kind of future I expected with her anymore. I thought I could handle taking care of her and we would enjoy life together, travel, have kids eventually and grow old together. I thought we could enjoy living here and in her country. I didn't think we would end so abruptly.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
My wife is packing everything of hers and leaving. She's signing over her car to me. She returned her Xmas present from me that can only be used here. She won't reconsider anything from our talk. The only thing she said she might do is see a marriage counselor once to give me closure but not to fix our marriage, which I asked for.
 

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Ooph.

I am sorry, but she is definitely a princess and not prepared to go through the tough times with you.

You may be better off that this happened earlier than later.

Are you sure she's not seeing someone else already? Do you have access to her phone records?
 
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