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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
This is embarrassing to say the least but I need some advice on what to do. So My wife is 23 and Im 27. We have a 3 year old daughter who is my life. We have been together for 5 Years and married 2.

So I catch her in a lie about her staying with her parents cause I called there to talk to her and her mom said she was with a friend. So once I spoke with her she said she needed to talk. She told me she was unhappy and that the relationship isnt working and she went to her friends to clear her head (still not believing this)

(Ive always been here for her...I dont have a temper..I deal will things very positive and she doesnt..shes always mrs negative nancy and I see that she is miserable and she doesnt talk about her feelings with me at all. I suggested she go to a therapist so she can be happy with herself..she never went. Her way of dealing with issues is forgetting them)

So after she said she was unhappy I new there was something motivating this because she never does this. So I start digging into the call records and I find she is talking a friend that I grew up with and have over my house on the weekends and comes on a couple trips with us as he doesnt have much family. I see tons of texts and calls late at night so I confronted her. And eventually she tells me she has feeling for him (blow to the heart) First I am mad then as the man that loves her says we can get through this. She says she wants to work it out and I try and get through the pain of her have feelings for another man. I said she needs to stop the communication with him immediately and she agreed. I also text him and said what he was doing was wrong and that when she told him she had feelings he should have cut it off right there. But nope he plays along and sucks her in by saying he feels the same.

So over the next few days Im really pushing the fact that we need to talk about things and she just gets angry and says she doesnt want to. Found another message 2 days later and she said she sent it when she was drunk..haha..so that means its ok. At this point I was being really pushy with her and try and get her to talk and realized after reading these threads she needs space and to let her discuss on her own. So I told her this and said I will be here when your ready to talk. Over the next 5 days She continues to totally ignore me...she comes home and I had dinner on the table for her. She goes in the shower and I looked through her phone and that morning she sent a text to her friend that she was going to OM's house tomorrow and I went into shock. She got out of the shower and I immediately confronted her and said I wanted a divorce that I coulnt take it anymore. So she decides to go downstairs and cry all night..I didnt feel bad at all..why should I? So we wake up we dont talk..just a few words...I went to work totally not focused and call her moms house where she was going for the day and asked to talked to my wife.." She went out shopping and to dinner with a friend" her friend. This is what she told me she was doing before I found the text. So even after I caught her she still acted...and I know for sure cause I tracked her phone(I work for company so Im able to do that)

So I tell her Parents the whole situation casue I wanted them to know I tries my hardest and that I love them. They were upset and angry. I asked them when she got back to tell her she needs to stay there til I figure out what to do. Shes ends up popping into the house and I couldnt even look at her.

So all I did was tell her its over and she just kept saying Im not letting you go like this. Im gonna work this out...Now she is in begging mode telling me lets work this out.. I need our family..its just making me disgusted whenever she speaks...cause shes selfish and is comfortable with me...I need some support on how I can hold my ground with this...All I do is feel bad for her..how can I handle this?

I know my post is all over the place so if you need more details or are a little lost please just ask..thanks for your support
 

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I am not sure what the question is. You seam to have a good handle on yourself. You understand that your wife is a cheat and can not be trusted to tell the truth.What state do you live in? Can you speak to a lawyer and get some information? Sorry that you are here, it does seem to be a very large club. As I think about it, I have laughed more here in the forum than I ever did with my ExWife.Keep us posted. David
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Im just at the point where Im telling her its over and shes just saying she wants to work on it and that she knows we can make this work...and that Im gonn a throw 5 years down the drain..it hurts me to hear this and its tough to stand my ground and say enoughs enough...shes needs to learn the hard way and its really tough..but I cant be a doormat and be her fall back...I guess Im just looking for on ways to hold my ground and whats worked for others..Thanks again for the supoort
 

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she will always be a cheat .....with your friend......don't need friends like that. time to kick his a$$ and send her packing.


no keep your cool don't want to jepordise your parental rights.

see a lawyer have papers drawn up for divorce give them to her. even if you want to try to save it make her prove to you she really wants to work on it. but showing her some divorce papers means your totaly serious. then no contact and if she breaks this at all file the papers.
 

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Tell her to move out, and if she tries that work out crap then toss her sh!t on the lawn, and call her parents to come pick her up.
 

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mvarney, you are still young..

Do yourself a huge favor, move on and find someone worthy of you as well as respects you.

Good luck
 

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No probs! Just happy to be able to help.

Is there any way your marriage can be saved? Counselling?
No, he shouldn't do counseling at this juncture.

Hes already showed her enough weakness at this juncture, and look where it got him.

He confronted, she denied, and then even after knowing he knew she still went out and banged OM anyways.

Counseling after that is BS and will only give her more entitled wayward fog with her consciously or unconsciously thinking "I got away with it."

Kick her ass out for a good length of some time at the very least, gotta be consequences, unless you want to be going through this sh!t again in the future that is.

If you want her to have another affair in the future, act soft, beg and plead with her, and schedule counseling for her if you want to repeat this.
 

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No, he shouldn't do counseling at this juncture.

Hes already showed her enough weakness at this juncture, and look where it got him.

He confronted, she denied, and then even after knowing he knew she still went out and banged OM anyways.

Counseling after that is BS and will only give her more entitled wayward fog with her consciously or unconsciously thinking "I got away with it."

Kick her ass out for a good length of some time at the very least, gotta be consequences, unless you want to be going through this sh!t again in the future that is.

If you want her to have another affair in the future, act soft, beg and plead with her, and schedule counseling for her if you want to repeat this.
This depends, of course, on how good the counsellor is, to an extent.
 

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Things don't look good at all. You've been married for only 5 years. You're just getting started.
What she wants you to do right now is to 'forget it and get past it' to go on as if it's just a little hiccup in the marriage.

Mvarney, it NOT a small thing. If you're going to remained married to this woman things have to change. And change in a big way.

By all means see a lawyer and find out what your rights and responsibilities are. I'm afraid you're not going to like what you hear - but at least you'll know. Let her parents know you're seeing a lawyer but don't discuss anything else with them.

Let this be a lesson for your future. NEVER let a single male friend be around your wife. Her single female friends should be limited to family and co-workers.

It's good that you share cooking duties - but don't become the 'homemaker' duties should be shared. As of now - and until the issue is settled, cook only for yourself and your child. She can cook for herself (if you let her come back to the house - but legally you can't keep her out).

Where is your child staying during these troubled times?

If you decide to work it out with her - begin by asking her what she intends to do to ensure she remains faithful. She should mention counseling for herself. Don't attend marriage counseling until you're sure the OM is out of the picture and she is "over him". Unfortunately it's going to take a huge shock to her life to get her to move away from him. The things you're doing now are helpful - don't let up.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
At this point I dont believe councelling will work but who knows we have never been..I come from a rough past and have been through alot so Ive learned how to enjoy life and the smalls things it offers...She comes from a household where she was coddled and everything was done for her. Same goes for our living situation...I am the one who cooks cleans and handles all the responsibilities...Ive just learned to live with that...it doesnt bother me that I have to do it. She shows no appreciation but **** has to get done so I do it..Im just used to it I guess. So now that Ive told her to leave she is looking at the big picture on everything that she will lose besides me. We have never been apart since our relationship started becasue of something like this so its tough for me as well so I have to be firm and hold my ground. Its really hard but I have to do it. But now she has the freedom to do whatever and the wondering I will be doing is gonna make me go crazy. I just feel like im dragging on the innevitable If I decide to try and make it work AGAIN!
 

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She was cheating on you physically. yes, they had sex. How long? You don't know but she also exposed you to all your ex friend sexual partners too. So, get tested for STDs.

Tell her that she needs to confess everything to be even civil with her.
After she comes clean, confront you (ex)friend before she can contact him to verify the stories.

If you don't have kids, file for divorce and kick her out. The repeated cheating is not worth it if there are no kids. She is not emotionally ready or mature enough for a commitment like a marriage.
Now she is in begging mode telling me lets work this out.. I need our famil
She will start cheating again once you get comfortable again. Your wife is a princess and a drama queen
 

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I'd like to clarify.. you don't have children, right?
 

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At this point I dont believe councelling will work but who knows we have never been..I come from a rough past and have been through alot so Ive learned how to enjoy life and the smalls things it offers...She comes from a household where she was coddled and everything was done for her. Same goes for our living situation...I am the one who cooks cleans and handles all the responsibilities...Ive just learned to live with that...it doesnt bother me that I have to do it. She shows no appreciation but **** has to get done so I do it..Im just used to it I guess. So now that Ive told her to leave she is looking at the big picture on everything that she will lose besides me. We have never been apart since our relationship started becasue of something like this so its tough for me as well so I have to be firm and hold my ground. Its really hard but I have to do it. But now she has the freedom to do whatever and the wondering I will be doing is gonna make me go crazy. I just feel like im dragging on the innevitable If I decide to try and make it work AGAIN!
If you end up reconciling there is a lot you need to do.(Please don't). There is so many wrongs in this relationship. If the dynamic does not change she will for sure cheat again.

What does she actually do in the relationship ?
 
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