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17 Posts
Hello all,
This is my first post and have been going through this hell for about two months, but it has gotten real bad the last month. We have been married for 11 years and together for 19 with two girls 8 and 6. She turns 40 this month and has blamed me for all her misery. She has started avoiding our kids too. She said it is just a phase with the kids, but not sure about us (lmbnilwm). She has stayed out all night several times in the last two weeks and I have found 550 text between her and our 24 yr old tennis instructor. Some of the text have been at 1, 2, and 3 am. She says he is only a friend and nothing has ever happened other than mild flirting. I don't have proof, but she has shown all the signs of cheating (lost wt, new undies, new younger clothes, shaved). She is a very attactive woman so I can see the tennis guy being attracted to her even though she is 16 years older. He has also been texting her tennis girlfriends too (all in their 40s), but I don't know if it is the same volume of text. Very weird to me.
I confronted him at the courts and he denied that they fooled around or anything. After that he has not contacted her except breifly about tennis (according to her). He even cancelled their last lesson.
More background: she starting being distant just before Xmas last year 2012. Staying out shopping late, any chance to leave she would. Jan 8th she said she needed space and started going out with her friends more drinking and smoking pot. She never smoked pot the last 10 years. She bought a new Audi that I didn't want her to get. Says she never wanted kids and that I am drowning her.
She has threatened to leave, but never does. I don't say ILU or cry and beg. I did take off for a couple days and she was nice when I was gone, but was a real ***** before I confronted the tennis boy. I drew up divorce papers to give her the out and predated the separation for 1 year to make it a quick break. She was a little shocked when I showed her the papers. She has also given the option of working it out for 8 more weeks and then reevaluate a divorce. Live in the same house or for her to move into a small apartment to find herself. I have started playing hardball more and not sure what I should do next. Although she is not willing to give me access to her cell phone so I build some trust in what she says. Says I am tring to control her and I shouldn't care so much.
Would it better for her to leave during the 8 weeks or to stay in the house? Valentines day is coming up as well as her birthday. What do I do for her if anything? I wanted to give her surprise party, but not sure about it now. I want her to stay with me and kids in hopes that she will snap out of her fog after her BDay. Any ideas on my next steps?
Oh I have been making changes too. Lost 20 pounds, been working out, trying to look nice, blah blah blah
Sorry about making this a long post, but I wanted to give some details.
This is my first post and have been going through this hell for about two months, but it has gotten real bad the last month. We have been married for 11 years and together for 19 with two girls 8 and 6. She turns 40 this month and has blamed me for all her misery. She has started avoiding our kids too. She said it is just a phase with the kids, but not sure about us (lmbnilwm). She has stayed out all night several times in the last two weeks and I have found 550 text between her and our 24 yr old tennis instructor. Some of the text have been at 1, 2, and 3 am. She says he is only a friend and nothing has ever happened other than mild flirting. I don't have proof, but she has shown all the signs of cheating (lost wt, new undies, new younger clothes, shaved). She is a very attactive woman so I can see the tennis guy being attracted to her even though she is 16 years older. He has also been texting her tennis girlfriends too (all in their 40s), but I don't know if it is the same volume of text. Very weird to me.
I confronted him at the courts and he denied that they fooled around or anything. After that he has not contacted her except breifly about tennis (according to her). He even cancelled their last lesson.
More background: she starting being distant just before Xmas last year 2012. Staying out shopping late, any chance to leave she would. Jan 8th she said she needed space and started going out with her friends more drinking and smoking pot. She never smoked pot the last 10 years. She bought a new Audi that I didn't want her to get. Says she never wanted kids and that I am drowning her.
She has threatened to leave, but never does. I don't say ILU or cry and beg. I did take off for a couple days and she was nice when I was gone, but was a real ***** before I confronted the tennis boy. I drew up divorce papers to give her the out and predated the separation for 1 year to make it a quick break. She was a little shocked when I showed her the papers. She has also given the option of working it out for 8 more weeks and then reevaluate a divorce. Live in the same house or for her to move into a small apartment to find herself. I have started playing hardball more and not sure what I should do next. Although she is not willing to give me access to her cell phone so I build some trust in what she says. Says I am tring to control her and I shouldn't care so much.
Would it better for her to leave during the 8 weeks or to stay in the house? Valentines day is coming up as well as her birthday. What do I do for her if anything? I wanted to give her surprise party, but not sure about it now. I want her to stay with me and kids in hopes that she will snap out of her fog after her BDay. Any ideas on my next steps?
Oh I have been making changes too. Lost 20 pounds, been working out, trying to look nice, blah blah blah
Sorry about making this a long post, but I wanted to give some details.