[MattMatt]

I went through a similar situation with my wife.

We got through it, somehow, but it is not easy.

We didn't have children, which does make a difference.

 

[GusPolinski]

Call immigration. Problem solved.

Hasta la vista, baby.
Posted via Mobile Device

LOL, I had the same thought. Buy her a plane ticket and then drop a dime on her to INS. They should be waiting for her at the airport.

Crude? Yes.
Vindictive? Yes.
Funny as hell? YES!!!

 

[manfromlamancha]

Reazon, I am sorry you are here but here are my observations:

• There is something fundamentally wrong with her and f*****g a drug dealer is not going to fix it. She will not come back to you after that and in any case, even if she did, you will feel emasculated beyond belief and the resentment will create a very toxic environment for your kids and eventually your relationship will break down.
  
• Right now she is acting like an addict begging for a fix. You cannot deal with her rationally. Do not pay any attention to comments like she has not been in love with you etc. This is why she needs to be brought down to Earth with a thump! She needs to hit rock bottom to be able to recover. Starting a divorce process, exposing the affair and doing a 180 will start this off.
  
• She needs to stop this EA immediately - she is cheating on you now openly and blatantly - you should be reacting to this rather than considering some absurd idea of hers.
  
• Do not let the kids be the reason you stay with her - leave alone drive her to Texas for her "ONS"! They will be far better off with parents that are divorced rather than in a hateful marriage.
  
• What does the POSOM do? Will exposing him at his workplace be effective? Same question for putting him on CV? The scumb@g knows she is married, with 2 young kids, alone at home, depressed and vulnerable. Blow the sh!the@d's world up if you can.

On the other hand I do believe she got into this relationship too young and didn't really have a chance to sow her wild oats so to speak. Before she knew it, kids came along and she didn't even get to experience the fun young married couples do. This will need counselling and professional advice as it is a deep issue and a ver valid and serious concern about your marriage. But counselling will not work until she is shocked out of this EA!

 

[Thorburn]

This story seems almost identical to another from a week or so ago. I can't remember the title. Thought we might get some insight from that one.

 

[Ripper]

Call immigration. Problem solved.

Hasta la vista, baby.
Posted via Mobile Device

You have this kind of leverage and she pulls this BS. She has zero respect for you.

Do this and consider yourself lucky that you found out now and not when she was a legal resident.

Also, take precautions to ensure she can't get your kids out of the country. It will be a nightmare to get them back, if you can.

 

[Dyokemm]

Reazon,

YOU do not leave the house.

If your WW insists on going through with seeing this POS, then tell her to not bother coming back.

Expose the EA ASAP to both of your families and all friends...as well as her plans to go see this drug dealing POS.

Inform them that you intend to file for D if she does not go no contact immediately and start to fix the M.

And she does not take the kids...her status will prevent her from taking them from you.

And drop a dime on this POS with his local police department.

Tell them he's been trying to seduce your WW, and through what you have discovered of their communication, he has told her he sells drugs in their area.

 

[honcho]

Your doing what so many BS do, you are taking the blame trying to excuse her behavior. You did not cause this. She will do and say anything to get what she wants remember that. She must own this problem all on her own.

She has a choice, either end affair now or end the marriage. I have an employee who did almost this exact thing several years ago now. She was never the same person after her ONS out of state fling. She then proceeded to party and sleep with many during the next year and blew up her life. Her husband divorced her.

10 years later this woman will still tell you it was the dumbest thing she ever did and she hasn’t been happy since and is in a bad marriage now. Her husband found love and is happily married with kids.

If she chooses to go, pack everything for her and buy her a one way ticket. You should speak with a lawyer as her immigration status and divorce. If she is an illegal alien I don’t think the marriage is even recognized by the courts. Your children I assume are citizens since you are the father and born in this country? She doesn’t have much legal ground to do anything since she isn’t a citizen

 

[LongWalk]

Tell her that she can go fvck her dealer boyfriend but bring an HIV negative test with her when she comes back to that she can show it to the next man in her life.

Your wife is so shameless, there are only two explanations: she is total in love with him and her discernment is terrible. She will fall out of love with him. Unfortunately, her poor judgment will likely continue.

 

[Dyokemm]

"I don’t think the marriage is even recognized by the courts."

No...it is recognized as a legal M.

However, it does not automatically grant the undocumented spouse legal status in the states.

She would actually have to return to her country of origin to file the appropriate paperwork to enter legally, though you can petition the court for an exception if it would cause undue strain for the family (very young kids, or kids with medical issues for example).

But, she will not prevail in any custody dispute if they D. She would be subject to deportation, and the kids will remain with the father since they are citizens.

In essence, his foolish WW could lose EVERYTHING if he goes to court for D.

He truly does have the upper hand legally here.

 

[jack.c]

Sure... drive her to the OM and wait downstairs untill they finish the ONS. Oh.... and while your ther might as well get the money for the gas as a reward! But before this tell her that you saw a hot redheaded that really turns you on, and if she can call her an organize for you a ONS.
MAN... ARE YOU SERIUS? WAKE UP YOUR WW OUT OF THE FOG WITH A DRASTIC DECISION.: YOU KEEP EA OR WHATEVER THEN YOU SIGN THESE D. PAPERS!

 

[syhoybenden]

She wants me to let her have a ONS out of state with this guy and she wants to come back to me, and "fall back in love"?
We try to communicate about this issue, we talk about this guy. She admits that there is no future with this guy, NO JOB, sell drugs, living with wife and kid, (which they live an open marriage relationship) and has another kid with another woman, Just bad news. She claims it's a physical attraction and that's it. she says she never experienced life like i had, ( I was a single bachelor all my 20's), so she wants to **** this guy and end all communication with him, come back to me to work on us for rest of our lives. WTF?

:scratchhead:

Just what kind of drugs is this guy selling, because it sounds to me like she's doing them and they've done a real number on her cognitive processes.
Has she always been this loony?

 

[mablenc]

Seems like she married you for a green card. Are you sure your daughter is yours? You were separated for three weeks. Don't be afraid to divorce her to protect her from being deported. All she wants from you is a green card.
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[MattMatt]

You have this kind of leverage and she pulls this BS. She has zero respect for you.

Do this and consider yourself lucky that you found out now and not when she was a legal resident.

Also, take precautions to ensure she can't get your kids out of the country. It will be a nightmare to get them back, if you can.

She has no respect for herself. This needs to be addressed first, I think, before respect for her husband and children is even thought of.

 

[Chaparral]

thanks for all comments, it helps.

also forgot to mention that she entertained the idea of me driving her to texas to do this! And come back to do whatever to fix us, agreed to be transparent after this. I don't want to give up on her yet, she needs help but won't go, we had a counseling session 2 days ago, but she cancelled last minute. i should've went anyway.
Don't know if she's lost in this fantasy or what. Our sex life is great.
You guys are right, i should leave, im scared to walk out on my kids, they ARE my life.!
Major problem is she cant work due to being illegal which we are in process of fixing her papers,I'm a US Citizen, so my pathetic dilemma is,
1.I cant kick her out, she has nowhere to go, and she'll take the kids, Where?
2. i feel trapped to leave but still pay rent, food, and bills until she can work. FOR THE KIDS SAKE ONLY!!!!!!!!
3.we discussed to no court action for child support, she can have everything, she knows i'll pay for my kids
I'm confused and lost as to wait and see if she goes then make my move to leave or just leave now. I want to wait and see just to be here with our kids.

Thanks Again

You need to do a LOT of reading here. So far you have done nothing right. Every thought you have is questionable.

For example, how do you know he is in an open marriage? Did his wife tell you that? Thought so.

Keep reading. The number one thing you have to relate to her, even if you cant do it, is to make her think you are alright with her going to see him and not letting her come back.

Your wife is a cheater, believe nothing that comes out of her mouth. The other man would be glad to lay her but that's all.

Get in touch with his wife and tell her what their plan is. Watch it all hit the fan.


Get the two books linked to below, and remember, "nice guys finish last."

 

[Chaparral]

I went through a similar situation with my wife.

We got through it, somehow, but it is not easy.

We didn't have children, which does make a difference.

Matt, you make it sounds like he should just lay down and take it. Cant believe you wrote this.

 

[WhiteRaven]

A drug dealer? wtf?

How do you know he is a drug dealer? Do you have any communication where he states he is one? If so, Contact DEA ASAP and forward all the evidence. Let's see how the OM handles DEA.

Now, do what Pepper123 posted.like.yesterday. Stop enabling her. Also file for D and make her leave the home without the kids. If this doesn't snap her out of the fog, nothing else will.

 

[6301]

also forgot to mention that she entertained the idea of me driving her to texas to do this!

She wants you to drive her to Texas so she can have her fling with the guy. Hell man, all that does is make you her pimp.

What are you going to be doing while she's screwing this guy, wait in the car and listen to the radio?

There comes a point in time when you have to start thinking what's best for your children. They need one of their parents to act like one. She isn't so that leaves you.

She not a citizen but your kids are. All you have to do is tell her no and to leave and have a good life with this loser. She has no means of supporting herself let alone the kids so losing the kids is something I wouldn't worry about.

She has no respect for you or the marriage and it's time you tell her to hit the road. If she's ready to do this now, then down the road she's going to do it again so stop feeling sorry for her and take charge of your life and be the father your kids need in their lives.

 

[PhillyGuy13]

She must be gorgeous or a helluva lay or both.

You met her when she was 20, you were 28. She couldn't go to school, she can't work. She managed to seduce you, get you to impregnate her, get you to marry her, impregnate again for good measure.

NOW she says she has fallen out of love with you. Wants to boink a drug dealer in Texas, since she missed out on her wild 20s years. Show of hands, ladies, how many of you crossed boinked Texas drug dealer in your 20s off your bucket list?

My friend, you were a mark. An easy one at that. A guy she can sink her fangs into. You were a means to an end.

Get her out of your life yesterday. Doesn't matter how or what happens to her. DNA the kids make sure they are yours.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[reazon]

Thanks everyone for the support.
I do feel the inevitable is going to happen, us separating and poss. a D. Unless she gets help.
I live in Utah where the woman is favored at first with the kids. That said, if I kick her out she has nowhere to go and will take my kids with her at all costs. She threatened me to not to take the kids.
I do not want to leave my kids!
I think I'm just trying to justify a reason to stay here and work on our relationship, open her eyes, and see when the time comes if she really does go to Texas, then at that point I make my move to leave.
Btw, she wants to one and done ONS in July when her braces come off.
I feel like I have 2 months to save this marriage.
I know I sound really naive and stupid. Just really lost in the mind right nite
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Numbersixxx]

Thanks everyone for the support.
I do feel the inevitable is going to happen, us separating and poss. a D. Unless she gets help.
I live in Utah where the woman is favored at first with the kids. That said, if I kick her out she has nowhere to go and will take my kids with her at all costs. She threatened me to not to take the kids.
I do not want to leave my kids!
I think I'm just trying to justify a reason to stay here and work on our relationship, open her eyes, and see when the time comes if she really does go to Texas, then at that point I make my move to leave.
Btw, she wants to one and done ONS in July when her braces come off.
I feel like I have 2 months to save this marriage.
I know I sound really naive and stupid. Just really lost in the mind right nite
Posted via Mobile Device

I definitely agree with the last part.
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