OK,
So I got married a year ago to a pretty decent woman. She had 3 kids. I have 2. I am very good to her kids. I do everything for them like they were my own. Her kids are aged between 5-9 mine are 6-9 years old.
We dated for a year before getting married. SHe was always pretty nice to my 2 sons while we were dating. SLowly she started to dislike my older son more and more. HE has ADHD and can be pretty "Bad" sometimes. HE doesn't listen to her and rolls his eyes when she scolds him. He also can start trouble with her kids sometimes which she hates. My older son likes to be in charge of playing. He will play fight with his step siblings. Which I stop when I see them do it. He tries to tell the other kids what to do and will say things like- Everybody get "XXX" refering to one of the step kids. I always talk to him and tell him that he is not the boss and needs to stop it. SO she slowly starts hating my kid more and more. I try my best to control him but he can be rude and disrespectful especially to his step-mom. HE is punished a lot by me-"time outs", video games taken, etc. when he is here.
Now here's the BIG problem. A month ago we went and got a pet hamster for all the kids to enjoy. We put it in the playroom which is where my sons have to sleep when they stay with me every other weekend. SO we tell everyone not to touch the cage or bother the hamster. We go to bed. When I wake up I find my younger (6 year old)son is in my bedroom saying that older son (9 year old)is hitting him and is threatening to hit the other kids. I go in to find out whats going on and he says he just wants the other kids to stay out of playroom and leave him alone. I soon find out why. My wife comes over and says older son told her the hamster was draggin his back legs and is paralyzed. SO I ask older son if he touched the hamster and he lies and says no. I get him to admit to opening the cage and touching the pet after a few threats of losing games for a month. He says he didn't hurt him. SO I grill him and to make a long story shorter find out that older son did indeed hurt the hamster. He said he poked hamster a few times with a tinker toy stick but says not hard. He says he dropped hamster a few times also once into a lego bin but only because hamster bit him. HE claims he wasn't trying to purposely hurt hamster but did admit to teasing him. Now wife freaks out and starts telling me my older son is a sick psycho and is going to be a serial killer or sociopath when he grows up. She said my older son needs inpatient psychiatric care. She also said he is no longer welcome in our house because she is afraid he will hurt one of her kids or our new 2 month old baby. She is serious. I try talking to her about it but she gets insanely mad and calls my older son evil. It's been a month now and if I want to see my kids I have to go to my mothers house and sleep over there and have the visits there. I ask how long this is for and she gets enraged and says forever because there is no treatment for what he has. Older son is very upset and swears he didn't mean to hurt the animal like that. I have never seen him hurt another animal purposely in my life. I believe him. WIfe won't budge. Claims he is a threat to all children and animals on the planet. Hamster had to be put to sleep which caused her daughter to cry for days too. YEs it was a horrible thing but how can she ban my son from our house like this. HE is only 9 and is not that bad. I put up with her kids throwing fits and fighting and saying mean thing all the time. They talk back to me and don't listen often. Wifes older son is no better then mine but he gets to stay. Wifes older son has put nails in his little brothers bed once when he was mad hoping his little brother would get poked by them. Wifes older son told his little brother to stick a fork in an electrical outlet once. HE claims he was kiddding around but younger brother is only 5. I just happened to hear him tell him and came in and told him to never listen to his brother and never stick anything in outlet. But Wife just overlooks her sons "sick" behavior. Anyway. What do I do?? We have argued horrible over this many times. SHe has said she is just trying to protect her kids but I bring up her kids bad behavior and she blows it off. She says if I bring this up again she will divorce me because her kids safety is more important than our marriage. I have a kid with this woman and I fear she will make life suck hard if we divorce. WHat can I do?? I would like to stay married if at all possible. SHe has refused to go to counseling. Says she doesn't have a problem, period.
HElP!
So I got married a year ago to a pretty decent woman. She had 3 kids. I have 2. I am very good to her kids. I do everything for them like they were my own. Her kids are aged between 5-9 mine are 6-9 years old.
We dated for a year before getting married. SHe was always pretty nice to my 2 sons while we were dating. SLowly she started to dislike my older son more and more. HE has ADHD and can be pretty "Bad" sometimes. HE doesn't listen to her and rolls his eyes when she scolds him. He also can start trouble with her kids sometimes which she hates. My older son likes to be in charge of playing. He will play fight with his step siblings. Which I stop when I see them do it. He tries to tell the other kids what to do and will say things like- Everybody get "XXX" refering to one of the step kids. I always talk to him and tell him that he is not the boss and needs to stop it. SO she slowly starts hating my kid more and more. I try my best to control him but he can be rude and disrespectful especially to his step-mom. HE is punished a lot by me-"time outs", video games taken, etc. when he is here.
Now here's the BIG problem. A month ago we went and got a pet hamster for all the kids to enjoy. We put it in the playroom which is where my sons have to sleep when they stay with me every other weekend. SO we tell everyone not to touch the cage or bother the hamster. We go to bed. When I wake up I find my younger (6 year old)son is in my bedroom saying that older son (9 year old)is hitting him and is threatening to hit the other kids. I go in to find out whats going on and he says he just wants the other kids to stay out of playroom and leave him alone. I soon find out why. My wife comes over and says older son told her the hamster was draggin his back legs and is paralyzed. SO I ask older son if he touched the hamster and he lies and says no. I get him to admit to opening the cage and touching the pet after a few threats of losing games for a month. He says he didn't hurt him. SO I grill him and to make a long story shorter find out that older son did indeed hurt the hamster. He said he poked hamster a few times with a tinker toy stick but says not hard. He says he dropped hamster a few times also once into a lego bin but only because hamster bit him. HE claims he wasn't trying to purposely hurt hamster but did admit to teasing him. Now wife freaks out and starts telling me my older son is a sick psycho and is going to be a serial killer or sociopath when he grows up. She said my older son needs inpatient psychiatric care. She also said he is no longer welcome in our house because she is afraid he will hurt one of her kids or our new 2 month old baby. She is serious. I try talking to her about it but she gets insanely mad and calls my older son evil. It's been a month now and if I want to see my kids I have to go to my mothers house and sleep over there and have the visits there. I ask how long this is for and she gets enraged and says forever because there is no treatment for what he has. Older son is very upset and swears he didn't mean to hurt the animal like that. I have never seen him hurt another animal purposely in my life. I believe him. WIfe won't budge. Claims he is a threat to all children and animals on the planet. Hamster had to be put to sleep which caused her daughter to cry for days too. YEs it was a horrible thing but how can she ban my son from our house like this. HE is only 9 and is not that bad. I put up with her kids throwing fits and fighting and saying mean thing all the time. They talk back to me and don't listen often. Wifes older son is no better then mine but he gets to stay. Wifes older son has put nails in his little brothers bed once when he was mad hoping his little brother would get poked by them. Wifes older son told his little brother to stick a fork in an electrical outlet once. HE claims he was kiddding around but younger brother is only 5. I just happened to hear him tell him and came in and told him to never listen to his brother and never stick anything in outlet. But Wife just overlooks her sons "sick" behavior. Anyway. What do I do?? We have argued horrible over this many times. SHe has said she is just trying to protect her kids but I bring up her kids bad behavior and she blows it off. She says if I bring this up again she will divorce me because her kids safety is more important than our marriage. I have a kid with this woman and I fear she will make life suck hard if we divorce. WHat can I do?? I would like to stay married if at all possible. SHe has refused to go to counseling. Says she doesn't have a problem, period.
HElP!