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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have a best friend (girl) and my wife doesn't like her at all..

I have been best friends with this girl before I met my wife and I don't want to give up my friend because my wife feels insecure..

My wife and I aren't currently in the same city (but my wife and my friend are) so when I go visit I also sometimes visit my friend which always leads to tense exchanges for about a day with my wife..

Any advice?
 

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What do you value more, your marriage or your friendship? If the answer is both, get a divorce because your wife deserves better. The thing that makes marriages successful in the long run is more than just the fact that you guys are amazing in bed, you need to best friends outside the bedroom.


Oh and btw, did you ever have the hots for this best friend in the past? Be honest now.
 

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How long have you been married? When you do get in the same town as your wife, how long are you there for? Is your best friend in a relationship with someone? Was she ever more than a "friend"?

In general, I agree with Mavash. You need to decide who your priority is... Your wife or your best friend.

C
 

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I have a best friend (girl) and my wife doesn't like her at all..

I have been best friends with this girl before I met my wife and I don't want to give up my friend because my wife feels insecure..

My wife and I aren't currently in the same city (but my wife and my friend are) so when I go visit I also sometimes visit my friend which always leads to tense exchanges for about a day with my wife..

Any advice?
Ditch the friend
 

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Why did you NOT consider this a problem BEFORE you married your wife?

Surely wife and best friend KNEW each other!
Was there animosity/jealousy then?
Has something changed? For you? Wife? Best friend?

I feel like there's a LOT more story we're not getting. Why would this SUDDENLY be a problem?

Please START at the beginning, maddude, so we can understand the problem in its proper context and give you our best advice on the situation.

Ages: you? wife? best friend?
How long married?
How long known wife? Best friend?
Ever slept with best friend (ever gone over the line...even when single?)
Why are you in a different city?
How long have you been there/will you be there?
Does wife work?
Any children?
Best friend got a Significant Other?
If so, how does HE feel about your relationship with best friend?

I notice this is your FIRST post, maddude, so WELCOME. We're NOT trying to be nosy, but without full information, we won't understand where you, wife & best friend are coming from.

.
 

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You're going to have to decide what is more important, your marriage or your friend. Marriage is about boundries. If your wife has a problem with you having a close relationship with an individual of the opposite sex, I don't care how platonic it is, you need to cut that off.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Ages: you? wife? best friend?
all around 30

How long married?
less than a year

How long known wife? Best friend?
wife 4 years
best friend 5 years

Ever slept with best friend (ever gone over the line...even when single?):
Nope

Why are you in a different city?
Work commitments

How long have you been there/will you be there?
a few years

Does wife work?
yeah

Any children?
no

Best friend got a Significant Other?
she is married also

If so, how does HE feel about your relationship with best friend?
He has never had a problem
.

Wife has never hit it off with the friend..

And I try to take her with me when I meet my friend - unless she backs out

Also we have hung out all 4 of us
 

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Did you ever stop to think that your wife may have picked up on a vibe she got from the "best friend"? You know, one you are SOOOOOO completely oblivious to?

I'm with everyone else. Who means more to you? Your wife or your friend? Your wife has had a problem with this woman from the start. It's not a difficult concept to grasp, really.
 

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If your marriage is important to you at all, you need to ditch the friend.

I don't understand why people jeopardize their marriages over the 'principle' of having a 'best' OS friend. The gut reactions to things like this are real and happen for a reason.

Decide what's important. You should respect your W more, in my opinion.
 

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Maddude

Let me tell you what happened to me. When my H and I were in college just about to graduate and get married that summer, I met an ex GF of his. I got a strong feeling from her that she was not finished and was disappointed that he was getting married to me. I did not get this feeling from him at all, only her so I did not say anything.

Fast forward 20 years. My husband engaged in an email, and phone conversation EA with said ex GF. He said he just wanted to catch up and was blindsided by the emotions they still had for each other even after 20 years.

So my advice is let the friend go if you want to have a happy marriage with your wife. You chose her and she deserves to have all of you.
 

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Does your wife have problems with ANYONE else in your life?

Mother? Sisters? Brothers?

If not, then I'd agree you need to ditch the best friend. If your wife has LOTS of problems with lots of people (which you have NOT indicated), then *that* would be telling in itself.
 

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I have a best friend (girl) and my wife doesn't like her at all..

I have been best friends with this girl before I met my wife and I don't want to give up my friend because my wife feels insecure..

My wife and I aren't currently in the same city (but my wife and my friend are) so when I go visit I also sometimes visit my friend which always leads to tense exchanges for about a day with my wife..

Any advice?
Yup. Make your wife your best friend. Ditch the chick and be all in on your marriage.

Your wife has every right to want to protect her marriage. The insecurity is yours. If you cannot let the GF go then you are too emotionally bonded and this is the definition of an EA.

I honestly think your wife should have insisted this girl be history before your married but she has every right to object at any time.

You may just not be very much into this whole marriage thing.
 

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There is also something wrong with the story starting in the middle instead of the beginning.

"I woke up one day married and with a best friend that is female..."

When a story starts by skipping the beginning it is generally because it is not favorable to the storyteller who in this case would like to keep the "best friend".

I agree with others who say dump the friend, but what is missing from the story will certainly add to that.
 
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