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So for 5 months my wife has told me she wants nothing to do with me. She used attendance at counseling as a bargaining chip. She walked out of counseling and has repeatedly failed to acknowledge that communication and relationship problems belong to BOTH of us. I've continued individual counseling. She repeatedly said that she wants to find somebody who will make her happy instead of me. I was able to twist her arm to attend individual counseling on her own. She's only attending sporadically.

For a few months I've done everything I can to avoid confrontations and setting off her angry attacks. It's been hard to live separate lives in the same household, and I've had even less opportunity to spend time with my boys. On 2 recent holidays I got raged at for saying the wrong thing, leading to some of my worst holidays ever.

She decided to let me spend time alone with my boys the last 3-4 days, while she visited her family and friends. She agreed to this time I'm traveling with them and visiting my family. Her change in behavior on the phone has been very confusing. Now she's tearful and upset because we've done activities without her and didn't invite her (it's supposed to be my time with them).

I have calmly told her that if she wants to divorce me that this is the future. I am entitled to my time and activities with my children. I am starting to realize that she has never had a formal plan for divorcing me and is just acting out of emotion. This tearfulness is another phase. I'd like to believe she's realizing what all this means, but I don't think she is rationalizing well.

I have also told her that after several months of trying to improve my relationship skills and attending counseling, that I cannot go on without any effort on her part and that I am ready to talk to a lawyer to plan the dissolution she wanted. The personal financial hit will be huge, but I can either be unhappy and well off, or happy and start saving again. I told her that I won't do this if she tells me she wants to work on our marriage and makes some effort to either attend marriage counseling or improve our relationship.

I've also done a lot of research and have informed her of the facts of divorce. Shared parenting is the standard in our state. She may not be able to stay in our home financially. She will get spousal support, but will be expected to have a full time job (she has a college degree and a prior career). I also have informed her about the finances and housing costs that for which she will become responsible on her own. I've already seen that these things terrify her and she is lost when thinking about it, but I want her to know all the consequences of her decisions.

Any other ideas? I think I'm ready to move on.
 

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You might want to know who she has been see, you never know what kind of creep she will bring around your kids when you bail.

It does sound like her and her boyfriend are in a tough patch right now...maybe they broke up?
 
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