I could use some advice. She left last night. I guess I’ll just spell this out as plainly as I can. She cheated on me. She insulted me. She belittled everything I’ve ever done in this life. Then she left me for the man she was having an affair with.
The “she” is my wife of six years. Or maybe only five years. It seems she’s been in love with someone else for the past year. Or so she told me. She’s 30, I’m 31M. I am the simplest man you will ever meet. I work with my hands. I pray on my knees. I don’t lie. I ask for nothing but to be paid the same love and respect I give. Maybe with her that was asking too much.
I grew up in a small rural town in Georgia, USA. My dad passed when I was 17. My mom was disabled so I dropped out of school and took a job working construction to help her and my little brother. By the time I was 25 I was a pretty good carpenter, mason, electrician, and mechanic. I could build a roof, wire up a house, or fix an engine pretty well. I was even handy with air conditioners. My grandpa passed in 2014 and left me six acres of good land and I began building a house on it for myself. I did most the work alone. I even made a good bit of the furniture in it. It took almost two years of night and weekend work to finish. I was very proud of it. It isn’t fancy. It isn’t all that big but it was sturdy, simple, nice, and it was all mine.
I met my wife in 2017. She was working in the office of her father’s building materials business. She was short, petite, had beautiful blue eyes and freckles. When I first met her I was so struck I think I said something dumb, but I don’t even remember what it was. She smiled at me, and I swear I forgot my own name! I started finding reasons to visit and offered to so some work for her father. Soon we started having lunch together. Then I got my courage up and asked her out.
Being with her made me very happy. Happier than anything ever had. The night I got home from our first date I worked out a budget to put money away for the diamond ring I was already sure I was going to buy her someday. We dated for a year before I proposed to her while watching the sun set on a trip to Clearwater Beach. She said yes and cried. Maybe I did too a little.
After a year we had a small church wedding and a beautiful trip to the Bahamas. She moved into my house. Well, she was basically living there anyway. We just made it official after the wedding. She seemed so happy and content. She redecorated the whole place. We planted trees, flowers, even a vegetable garden together. We adopted a kitten together. I built that house, but she made it feel like a home. She made it come alive. She made me come alive. We were talking about starting our family. Life was just perfect. And then it wasn’t.
She changed. It wasn’t gradual. It happened very quickly. She was always irritated. Nothing made her happy. She was mad at the cat. She was mad at me. She used to tell me how much she loved our house. Then she hated it. She hated her car. She hated her clothes. She hated her life and blamed me for all of it. She hated how everything we had was “cheap”. That really stung because we worked hard for everything we had. We were not rich, but we had no debt. We owned almost everything we had outright. Everything we had was nice. None of it was cheap or junk like she said. For her birthday I had made her a makeup/vanity table with mirrors, lights, storage. I carved floral scrollwork into the edges and legs and sealed it all in pink hued clear resin. It was some of my best work ever. This was something she had always said she wanted. Her appreciation was half hearted and she later criticized me for not buying her something nice. That was not her only gift, by the way.
She started staying out, visiting her sister on weekends, having drinks with her coworkers. I really didn’t know what to do because I couldn’t tell what was causing this. This went on for couple of months before I started trying to put a stop to it and get to the bottom what was wrong. That led to some pretty terrible arguments.
Then, this past Tuesday it happened. I got home from work and there she was on the front porch carrying two full suitcases to her car. I asked her “Just like that? No explanation?” She told me she had fallen out of love with me. She wasn’t happy. She couldn’t stay. I asked her what happened to us. She said “I’ve changed. You haven’t”. I told her that was the first thing she said that I completely agreed with in a very long time. She rolled her eyes at that. As she opened the car door to leave, I grabbed it and held on. I asked her if there was someone else. She said “No”.
I found out the next day that was a lie.
Her father and I are close. He reminds me of my dad. I had done carpentry work for him over the years, And I fixed one of the forklifts he used at his business. It’s through him I met my wife. The night after she left, I was sitting on the front porch not knowing what to do with myself when he pulled up. He walked up to the porch carrying a bottle of bourbon and two glasses. He sat down and poured three fingers in each glass and handed one to me. All he said was “Son, I’m sorry”.
I always thought of myself as a man’s man. I don’t get emotional. I don’t get angry or upset. I can count on one hand all the times I’ve cried as an adult. I almost broke down when he said that. But what came next was the worst. He apologized for what she did. “Leaving you for that man” were his exact words. It turns out there was someone else. There had been for a while.
She came back yesterday to get the rest of her things. She said she wanted to talk. She said she didn’t want to leave with me hating her. I don't know how she thought this was going to end any other way. But I was calm and cold. I said I had just one question; why? She said she never wanted to hurt me. “It just happened” she said. But she was in love with the other man and he will “give her a better future than I ever could" as she put it. I stared at her for a few seconds after that. It felt like I’d been punched. I told her she should get her things and leave.
I did have one last laugh though. She packed her clothes and things into hefty trash bags and carried them to her car. I imaged she was taking out the trash. And she was. That made me smile.
I never asked who he was. I guess it doesn’t matter. I couldn’t make her stay and wouldn’t even if I could. She’s so different now from the girl I loved. I feel like I don’t know her. But if people can change so much so quickly, does anyone ever really know anyone?
This is where I need the advice. What do I do now? I’ve been sitting here since. Not really knowing. I guess next week I’ll have to hire a lawyer. I have a home and assets to protect. There are work projects I could be doing but I can’t concentrate. I don’t want to go anywhere and I don’t want to stay here. Our cat, well my cat now because she left him too, keeps trying to distract me. It isn’t really working. I feel like I’m lost and can’t find my way. I know in a little while I’ll be fine. The sun will come up and all this will eventually pass. The Georgia vs Texas game comes on in three hours but right now I can’t even make myself care.
A lot of you folks have been where I am now. How to you get yourself through the bad times?
The “she” is my wife of six years. Or maybe only five years. It seems she’s been in love with someone else for the past year. Or so she told me. She’s 30, I’m 31M. I am the simplest man you will ever meet. I work with my hands. I pray on my knees. I don’t lie. I ask for nothing but to be paid the same love and respect I give. Maybe with her that was asking too much.
I grew up in a small rural town in Georgia, USA. My dad passed when I was 17. My mom was disabled so I dropped out of school and took a job working construction to help her and my little brother. By the time I was 25 I was a pretty good carpenter, mason, electrician, and mechanic. I could build a roof, wire up a house, or fix an engine pretty well. I was even handy with air conditioners. My grandpa passed in 2014 and left me six acres of good land and I began building a house on it for myself. I did most the work alone. I even made a good bit of the furniture in it. It took almost two years of night and weekend work to finish. I was very proud of it. It isn’t fancy. It isn’t all that big but it was sturdy, simple, nice, and it was all mine.
I met my wife in 2017. She was working in the office of her father’s building materials business. She was short, petite, had beautiful blue eyes and freckles. When I first met her I was so struck I think I said something dumb, but I don’t even remember what it was. She smiled at me, and I swear I forgot my own name! I started finding reasons to visit and offered to so some work for her father. Soon we started having lunch together. Then I got my courage up and asked her out.
Being with her made me very happy. Happier than anything ever had. The night I got home from our first date I worked out a budget to put money away for the diamond ring I was already sure I was going to buy her someday. We dated for a year before I proposed to her while watching the sun set on a trip to Clearwater Beach. She said yes and cried. Maybe I did too a little.
After a year we had a small church wedding and a beautiful trip to the Bahamas. She moved into my house. Well, she was basically living there anyway. We just made it official after the wedding. She seemed so happy and content. She redecorated the whole place. We planted trees, flowers, even a vegetable garden together. We adopted a kitten together. I built that house, but she made it feel like a home. She made it come alive. She made me come alive. We were talking about starting our family. Life was just perfect. And then it wasn’t.
She changed. It wasn’t gradual. It happened very quickly. She was always irritated. Nothing made her happy. She was mad at the cat. She was mad at me. She used to tell me how much she loved our house. Then she hated it. She hated her car. She hated her clothes. She hated her life and blamed me for all of it. She hated how everything we had was “cheap”. That really stung because we worked hard for everything we had. We were not rich, but we had no debt. We owned almost everything we had outright. Everything we had was nice. None of it was cheap or junk like she said. For her birthday I had made her a makeup/vanity table with mirrors, lights, storage. I carved floral scrollwork into the edges and legs and sealed it all in pink hued clear resin. It was some of my best work ever. This was something she had always said she wanted. Her appreciation was half hearted and she later criticized me for not buying her something nice. That was not her only gift, by the way.
She started staying out, visiting her sister on weekends, having drinks with her coworkers. I really didn’t know what to do because I couldn’t tell what was causing this. This went on for couple of months before I started trying to put a stop to it and get to the bottom what was wrong. That led to some pretty terrible arguments.
Then, this past Tuesday it happened. I got home from work and there she was on the front porch carrying two full suitcases to her car. I asked her “Just like that? No explanation?” She told me she had fallen out of love with me. She wasn’t happy. She couldn’t stay. I asked her what happened to us. She said “I’ve changed. You haven’t”. I told her that was the first thing she said that I completely agreed with in a very long time. She rolled her eyes at that. As she opened the car door to leave, I grabbed it and held on. I asked her if there was someone else. She said “No”.
I found out the next day that was a lie.
Her father and I are close. He reminds me of my dad. I had done carpentry work for him over the years, And I fixed one of the forklifts he used at his business. It’s through him I met my wife. The night after she left, I was sitting on the front porch not knowing what to do with myself when he pulled up. He walked up to the porch carrying a bottle of bourbon and two glasses. He sat down and poured three fingers in each glass and handed one to me. All he said was “Son, I’m sorry”.
I always thought of myself as a man’s man. I don’t get emotional. I don’t get angry or upset. I can count on one hand all the times I’ve cried as an adult. I almost broke down when he said that. But what came next was the worst. He apologized for what she did. “Leaving you for that man” were his exact words. It turns out there was someone else. There had been for a while.
She came back yesterday to get the rest of her things. She said she wanted to talk. She said she didn’t want to leave with me hating her. I don't know how she thought this was going to end any other way. But I was calm and cold. I said I had just one question; why? She said she never wanted to hurt me. “It just happened” she said. But she was in love with the other man and he will “give her a better future than I ever could" as she put it. I stared at her for a few seconds after that. It felt like I’d been punched. I told her she should get her things and leave.
I did have one last laugh though. She packed her clothes and things into hefty trash bags and carried them to her car. I imaged she was taking out the trash. And she was. That made me smile.
I never asked who he was. I guess it doesn’t matter. I couldn’t make her stay and wouldn’t even if I could. She’s so different now from the girl I loved. I feel like I don’t know her. But if people can change so much so quickly, does anyone ever really know anyone?
This is where I need the advice. What do I do now? I’ve been sitting here since. Not really knowing. I guess next week I’ll have to hire a lawyer. I have a home and assets to protect. There are work projects I could be doing but I can’t concentrate. I don’t want to go anywhere and I don’t want to stay here. Our cat, well my cat now because she left him too, keeps trying to distract me. It isn’t really working. I feel like I’m lost and can’t find my way. I know in a little while I’ll be fine. The sun will come up and all this will eventually pass. The Georgia vs Texas game comes on in three hours but right now I can’t even make myself care.
A lot of you folks have been where I am now. How to you get yourself through the bad times?
