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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This frustrates me to no end. We have a relatively good sex life, average twice a week. But my wife has initiated just twice in the past 21 years. Once in the spring of 2000 when she was pregnant with our second child, and once in the spring of 2015. That's it. She claims she has a lower sex drive. I'd term it kinda on life support. I have asked her to start now and then, said it would be great. She says she will, she never does. Any suggestions? Do I just go with the flow? It gets to be a chore, having to initiate every time and having to plan what happens in bed. It's like I'm directing my own adult movie. As said, we do have sex twice a week - which is great given our ages, both in early 60s - but it gets old always having to be the starter.
 

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This frustrates me to no end. We have a relatively good sex life, average twice a week. But my wife has initiated just twice in the past 21 years. Once in the spring of 2000 when she was pregnant with our second child, and once in the spring of 2015. That's it. She claims she has a lower sex drive. I'd term it kinda on life support. I have asked her to start now and then, said it would be great. She says she will, she never does. Any suggestions? Do I just go with the flow? It gets to be a chore, having to initiate every time and having to plan what happens in bed. It's like I'm directing my own adult movie. As said, we do have sex twice a week - which is great given our ages, both in early 60s - but it gets old always having to be the starter.
Does she reject you when you initate?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
About 60 percent of the time, yes. We do have an agreement for making love each Sunday morning. She always says yes. It's the other times that she's batting .600
.600 as in she says no 6 of 10 times
 

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About 60 percent of the time, yes. We do have an agreement for making love each Sunday morning. She always says yes. It's the other times that she's batting .600
I suppose you feel more like she is giving in rather than doing it because she wants it? Have you asked her about it?
I will also say that 2 times a week is not a horrible number. Many men here at TAM would consider that hitting the lotto.
 

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It gets to be a chore, having to initiate every time and having to plan what happens in bed. It's like I'm directing my own adult movie.
Yeah I get you. I mean putting on the moves so you can have sex. For me it’s like taking out the trash or raking leaves. /s

I used to think I wanted my wife to initiate. It’s great if she does but I thought about it a lot and it doesn’t actually matter if she accepts my initiation often enough.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I suppose you feel more like she is giving in rather than doing it because she wants it? Have you asked her about it?
I will also say that 2 times a week is not a horrible number. Many men here at TAM would consider that hitting the lotto.
Yeah, it has that feel. I’ve asked. Get confusing answers. Twice a week is fine. Just wish she was “there” ya know?
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Yeah I get you. I mean putting on the moves so you can have sex. For me it’s like taking out the trash or raking leaves. /s

I used to think I wanted my wife to initiate. It’s great if she does but I thought about it a lot and it doesn’t actually matter if she accepts my initiation often enough.
Few months ago, she said it didn’t matter to her if she has an orgasm. So, I quit caring about that. Big weight off my shoulders
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
By “there” what do you mean? Is she an active participant or looking at her nails deciding if she needs a manicure?
Funny you mention that. One time as I was orally pleasuring her, I looked up and she was looking at her nails. After, told her don’t ever do that again when I go down. She has not. She’s sorta active but I have to coach
 

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Funny you mention that. One time as I was orally pleasuring her, I looked up and she was looking at her nails. After, told her don’t ever do that again when I go down. She has not. She’s sorta active but I have to coach
So what would happen if you stopped initiating?
 

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Stopping initiating, didn't work for me. I had to actually reject sex to get her off dead center. It did increase initiation, and participation. She has to Believe, that she has something to lose. If you want her to believe that you won't always want her, you have to send a clear message that you won't accept lukewarm unenthusiastic sex.

Now if I could just get her to be present for other parts of life.
 
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