It is so difficult understanding all the emotions you go through. We know it is fifty, fifty in a marriage but still cant understand the whirlwind you end up in. We never had issues in our marriage besides little stuff not even worth mentioning. Never had money problems, but we lived within our means. Always loved each other, respected each other. It is difficult because an A is a very selfish act and if the person is already in that state of mind, maybe they just accept it. I know my spouse said she did it for herself.
I am a person who enjoys making others happy and I will do without to make that happen. I coach all my daughters sports teams. Pretty much that was the major contributer to the slide in our relationship. Not because she did not want me to coach but because there was little time for us. I guess maybe I was selfish for not taking her or our relationship in our marriage into consideration with all that I was doing for everyone else.
I do still love my wife very much. She says she still loves me or cares for me and it seems the only hang up she has is that she said she lost the in love feeling she has for me. This feeling I understand is masked by the A and until complete 100 percent disconnect with the OM happens, full recovery and reconcile is unattainable.
It is very difficult for both of us to be in this situation. We are torn by what the best thing to do is. I know I want to save our marriage and family. I know deep down she does to. I believe the difference in her and I is that I do not want another option, and she is doubting or wondering what else is out there.
Sad but true, all the wonderful things I have done in the past for her, for my family, dont seem to be taken into consideration. I failed to spend enough time with my spouse and keep our marriage healthy because I was spending it with my children.
I sincerely hope you can find happiness in your life. It is a struggle and the uncertainty drives you insane. Time is the best healer.
Having children makes marriage much harder, especially with finding time for everyone.
I'm really glad you brought that up, my husband has a hard enough time finding time for me in his schedule as is, with how much time he spends with his friends and video games. My husband wants to have a child, but you reminded me how horrible it would be if we did have a child.
I feel that my husband has forgotten all the things that I've done for him. Sometimes I think only a mad woman would have but up with the things he's had me put up with, and that with what that man has put me though why would I expect him to be grateful.
I don't know about your wife, but what I've noticed with my husband is that if it's not fun for him he's probably not going to do it and if it is fun he will sacrifice everything to do it. I believe he has some sort of addiction to things that make him feel good about himself. Of course we all like to feel good about ourselves. In my husbands case he seems to react outrageously to anything that doesn't make him feel good, and he doesn't care if doing the thing he views as unpleasant will help him in the long run.
He also surrounds himself with friends who enable him to stay in this harmful state. People who tell him that when I have the slightest problem with his behavior that I'm being abusive. Even though these people have said horrible things about me and told my husband to divorce me my husband refuses to admit their behavior is in appropriate, stand up for me, let alone get them out of our lives. The main offender is a diagnosed Sociopath.
I think that people with some sort of addiction to what makes them happy even when in the long run it harms them tend to have friends that enable them.
Anyway I wouldn't be surprised if your wife had a similar problem. I would imagine most people do to some point, but most people don't hurt other people that bad.