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4 Posts
Not really sure what/how to do this but looking to vent and gains some advice and perspective.
My wife of 9 years (together since high school so 17yrs) started down some slippery slopes about 2 years ago ... getting too friendly with my old highschool boyfriends on facebook, then texting my friends, then colleagues and people at her work (hotel). It progressed to emotional cheating and she was caught. We've been in therapy for a while and not once has she ever wanted out ... always begging me to stay and not 'kick' her out.
We stayed in therapy - and it turned into me being blamed for most of the issues ... insecurity and controlling behaviours on my end (like checking her cell phone periodically, etc, nothing stalker-esque). And overall the past 6 months have been OK, not great but OK.
Last week I started sensing more distance and more rebellious behaviour on her end (password protecting her phone, not wearing wedding rings because she's going to gym more frequently) and I finally checked up again and found she has cheated (physically) this time with a guy from the gym.
We have 2 small children (girl 8, boy 6) and I am totally conflicted ... for the past week she's beggin and saying all the right things and I do believe she doesn't want to leave the family and wants to work her problems out (previous abuses as a child perhaps or who knows) and for the sake of not taking 2 kids from their mother (I am the primary caregiver, meals, homework, activities, bread-winner, etc) I just don't know what to do ...
It is so comfortable to just be with her, touch her and be ok, but I also can't erase the image of her with someone else (even if she was emotionally detached and never wanted to end her marriage). I have never thought of straying but I am now thinking that in order to stay I have to enjoy my own life and check out from her ... I also don't want to just have sex with her and close off feelings but if I don't I end up thinking about her being with another.
Way more to the story but not sure how much to keep sharing ... man .. I'm very confused, looking for any advice from those that have reconciled and if any zebras have ever changed their stripes ... please help
My wife of 9 years (together since high school so 17yrs) started down some slippery slopes about 2 years ago ... getting too friendly with my old highschool boyfriends on facebook, then texting my friends, then colleagues and people at her work (hotel). It progressed to emotional cheating and she was caught. We've been in therapy for a while and not once has she ever wanted out ... always begging me to stay and not 'kick' her out.
We stayed in therapy - and it turned into me being blamed for most of the issues ... insecurity and controlling behaviours on my end (like checking her cell phone periodically, etc, nothing stalker-esque). And overall the past 6 months have been OK, not great but OK.
Last week I started sensing more distance and more rebellious behaviour on her end (password protecting her phone, not wearing wedding rings because she's going to gym more frequently) and I finally checked up again and found she has cheated (physically) this time with a guy from the gym.
We have 2 small children (girl 8, boy 6) and I am totally conflicted ... for the past week she's beggin and saying all the right things and I do believe she doesn't want to leave the family and wants to work her problems out (previous abuses as a child perhaps or who knows) and for the sake of not taking 2 kids from their mother (I am the primary caregiver, meals, homework, activities, bread-winner, etc) I just don't know what to do ...
It is so comfortable to just be with her, touch her and be ok, but I also can't erase the image of her with someone else (even if she was emotionally detached and never wanted to end her marriage). I have never thought of straying but I am now thinking that in order to stay I have to enjoy my own life and check out from her ... I also don't want to just have sex with her and close off feelings but if I don't I end up thinking about her being with another.
Way more to the story but not sure how much to keep sharing ... man .. I'm very confused, looking for any advice from those that have reconciled and if any zebras have ever changed their stripes ... please help