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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi all, new on here and really just looking for some advice and help.

My wife and I have been together 8 years and almost married 3.

Last month I found out she had a crush on a co-worker. She has slowly told me more and each time it sounds worse and worse.

When she first told me I suspect as much with the way she was acting but thought a little crush is not that bad. But she messages the guy in a group chat all the time and has since admitted that she thinks about him as a relationship and sexually.

I really not sure what to do or how to cope! Everyone we talk about it she says we are the priority but nothing seems to change!

What do I do?
 

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She needs to stop feeding it and have no contact at all except were she has to for work. She needs clear boundaries in her interactions with him and may need to look for another job. Its a choice to do the right thing, and she isnt doing it. She is playing with fire and risking her marriage.
 

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I own a business with a lot of female employees.I know one hundred percent that a few of them at least have a crush on me,they have made it clear to me and other members of staff.The business was formerly owned by my girlfriend and she used to yank my chain about this all the time.
In all humility I will say I am a good looking guy,very fit and very wealthy.
But it doesn't matter because I have no interest in anyone other than my girlfriend and our family.If her crush has no interest in her then she may as well be crushing on Brad Pitt for all the good it will do her.
But if he shows willing then you may have a problem.Try finding out about him,is he married,has he a steady girlfriend,children etc.
If you can't trust her then it may be time for a job change.
Before it becomes necessary for a wife change.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Diana7 - I did ask that she not interact outside of work related conversations and such but she continued to talk to her friend about him and wanting him ect but he is also part of a group chat that she is always on. Don't think the friend helps as well!

Andy1001 - he is married with a new baby and going through a tough patch. I have never met him but their might be an attraction the other way as well which makes up most of the talk between her and her friend whether he likes her back or not.
 

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She has to stop it. A married woman who understands herself and her boundaries should know this goes beyond the line in the sand. She is being disrespectful to you and the marriage. She needs to understand while it's ok to look at admire that there is no way she should be reaching out trying to make contact and develope any sort of relationship with this man. This is just wrong.
 

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Is he reciprocating?
Is he game?
Is he trying to get in her pants?

If yes, I would have a chat with him...pronto Tonto!

If it all on her and he is mostly a victim, I would tell her to quit her job.
Or quit her marriage.

The other thing.
She admitted wanting to have a sexual relationship with him?

Wow, that statement takes nerve. How much lower can she punch a man?

It is one thing to think this way....a 'huge' other thing to verbalize this to your spouse.

This wife of yours' has shown her colors...and they ain't 'true blue'.

Your' marriage is in deep trouble.
 

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Diana7 - I did ask that she not interact outside of work related conversations and such but she continued to talk to her friend about him and wanting him ect but he is also part of a group chat that she is always on. Don't think the friend helps as well!

Andy1001 - he is married with a new baby and going through a tough patch. I have never met him but their might be an attraction the other way as well which makes up most of the talk between her and her friend whether he likes her back or not.
Yes the other man is having problems in his marriage,your wife is the problem.
It's time for you to create boundaries for her and if she doesn't or can't respect them and you,let her go and live with her toxic friend.
I know all about the problems that "friends" can cause in a relationship,I cancelled my wedding last year when my gf couldn't see that her friends were trying to come between us.Some of them were trying to hook up with me at the same time as telling her that I was not right for her and would never be faithful.
To be honest, and I have no wish to insult you my friend but your wife seems to be an immature idiot with no sense of morality.Discussing whether a married man,with a new baby was interested in having a relationship with her while she is married to you.Is this the way you envisioned married life after less than three years?You could tell his wife but that will only solve the problem temporarily until your wife moves onto her next crush.
 

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Diana7 - I did ask that she not interact outside of work related conversations and such but she continued to talk to her friend about him and wanting him ect but he is also part of a group chat that she is always on. Don't think the friend helps as well!

Andy1001 - he is married with a new baby and going through a tough patch. I have never met him but their might be an attraction the other way as well which makes up most of the talk between her and her friend whether he likes her back or not.
Join the chat group and introduce yourself as the husband. Introduce yourself to his wife as well. Also see if you can get chummy with any available attractive female and start developing a close friendship where time and energy is taken away from your wife.

You could go cold and dark on her. She gets the benefit of you as well as the emotional high from her crush.

Me... I'd serve her.
 

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She has a desire for a sexual relationship with him and told YOU???

I think I'd give her papers. Why? Because she has the intellect of a three year old and the morals of a chimpanzee.

For you to even consider staying married to a woman like this is bad in itself.
Yes, she seems to tell you what's on her mind. That's good. That she acts on these urges and expects you to tolerate it? That's horrible.
Your inaction will ensure her follow-through.

This won't be her last crush.
 

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You better nip it. You better tell her and show her there will be consequence. I mean I would be saying maybe I didn't marry right. I also might leave out some mementos of romantic things I did so she can look at them, if you did that. Wedding album and stuff but I might put a note on there, "you better choose because you don't get both." Might even put divorce papers at the end of the album with a note that says your choice sign this or get a different job. Then I would leave and stay at a hotel for a few nights and not answer my text.

Although are you sure she is worth the effort. A spouse without loyalty is basically just a time and money sink. They have no value what so ever. They ruin your life and life is short. Losing them is not a big lost it's actually a win. Don't even feel bad because they have no value to the ones they end up with except for sex anyway. Presumably you got that from her already and you can get it from someone else. Sex today is more cheap then any other time in history. Loyalty is hard to find.
 

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Her crush was so over reaching....it crushed the whole State of:
Your Marriage.

It crushed your' future dreams.

It crushed you.

Your's and her World were crushed:

By her words
Flowing over honest lips.
Overflowing the Levy.
The Levity of this taints your' leaking Union.
Levity ill-conceived and mouthed by this Women child.
 
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A "crush" is often the leading edge of adultery, where sexual or emotional contact has likely not yet transpired, but "dreaming" about it probably has! And that's greatly predicated by the fact that she's being totally honestly in telling you everything about it!

Do you think that she has? Well I don't!
 

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You better nip it. You better tell her and show her there will be consequence. I mean I would be saying maybe I didn't marry right. I also might leave out some mementos of romantic things I did so she can look at them, if you did that. Wedding album and stuff but I might put a note on there, "you better choose because you don't get both." Might even put divorce papers at the end of the album with a note that says your choice sign this or get a different job. Then I would leave and stay at a hotel for a few nights and not answer my text.

Although are you sure she is worth the effort. A spouse without loyalty is basically just a time and money sink. They have no value what so ever. They ruin your life and life is short. Losing them is not a big lost it's actually a win. Don't even feel bad because they have no value to the ones they end up with except for sex anyway. Presumably you got that from her already and you can get it from someone else. Sex today is more cheap then any other time in history. Loyalty is hard to find.
Exceptional advice. This. Think on it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
You better nip it. You better tell her and show her there will be consequence. I mean I would be saying maybe I didn't marry right. I also might leave out some mementos of romantic things I did so she can look at them, if you did that. Wedding album and stuff but I might put a note on there, "you better choose because you don't get both." Might even put divorce papers at the end of the album with a note that says your choice sign this or get a different job. Then I would leave and stay at a hotel for a few nights and not answer my text.

Although are you sure she is worth the effort. A spouse without loyalty is basically just a time and money sink. They have no value what so ever. They ruin your life and life is short. Losing them is not a big lost it's actually a win. Don't even feel bad because they have no value to the ones they end up with except for sex anyway. Presumably you got that from her already and you can get it from someone else. Sex today is more cheap then any other time in history. Loyalty is hard to find.
Exceptional advice. This. Think on it.

I think it is time to find out if she is worth that effort. Going to issue an ultimatum then spend the next few days away and see if it is even worth me staying in the marriage
 

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I think it is time to find out if she is worth that effort. Going to issue an ultimatum then spend the next few days away and see if it is even worth me staying in the marriage
You don't mention what age you and your wife are so maybe she just needs to grow up.The worrying thing for me in this situation is that she has slowly given you more information.This is called trickle truth and you may not have all the information yet.This friend is definitely bad news and needs to be put in her place,if she is married maybe let her husband know that she is encouraging your wife to cheat.It doesn't say a lot for her own morals.
If you are going away for a few days don't tell your wife how long you will be away for,otherwise she could move this affair further if she has an empty house to entertain her would be lover in.(And I'm not so sure the description is "would be")
What I can't get my head around is her talking to her friends about this,you do realise that they have nothing but contempt for you I hope.They are openly discussing her having an affair and she doesn't even try to hide the messages.Unbelievable!
Once again my friend I have no wish to offend you but face facts,your wife is openly planning an affair with a married man who has a new baby.There are a lot of words to describe a woman who would do this and they aren't very nice ones.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I think it is time to find out if she is worth that effort. Going to issue an ultimatum then spend the next few days away and see if it is even worth me staying in the marriage
You don't mention what age you and your wife are so maybe she just needs to grow up.The worrying thing for me in this situation is that she has slowly given you more information.This is called trickle truth and you may not have all the information yet.This friend is definitely bad news and needs to be put in her place,if she is married maybe let her husband know that she is encouraging your wife to cheat.It doesn't say a lot for her own morals.
If you are going away for a few days don't tell your wife how long you will be away for,otherwise she could move this affair further if she has an empty house to entertain her would be lover in.(And I'm not so sure the description is "would be")
What I can't get my head around is her talking to her friends about this,you do realise that they have nothing but contempt for you I hope.They are openly discussing her having an affair and she dotry to hide the messages.Unbelievable.
Both of us are 27, would agree she needs to grow up but not out of actual age. The Drip truth is one I picked up on and still have a feeling that there might be more left to find out I haven't gone through her phone or emails or anything so could just be my head but hard to not think otherwise. Yeah this friend is bad news, she is a new friend after W moved roles. She is toxic and more a problem than OM
 

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I feel for you buddy I really do. The problem with toxic work friends is they are there all day putting ideas into your wife's head and also poisoning her against you.
As I said I had the same problem last year except my girlfriends friends wanted her to break up with me,there was nobody else involved. They seen her as a soft touch for letting them use her health studio free of charge and she would almost always pay if they were in a bar or restaurant,they didn't want the good times to end if we got married and set up home together. Some of them were texting me offering a shoulder to cry on while encouraging her to break up with me.
I ended up breaking up for about ten weeks,we only got back together because she was pregnant. Because she had lost her business by then most of the toxic friends had vanished as she was short of money. All of these toxic friends are gone from the scene now and as she lives with me I have made it clear to her that no one who interfered with our relationship is welcome at my house.
You both probably should have dated more before settling down because your wife seems to have a serious case of grass is greener syndrome.
Maybe a short sharp shock will bring your wife to her senses but this friend has to go.
By the way expect your wife to play the controlling card if you try and get her to make changes.
 

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I think it is time to find out if she is worth that effort. Going to issue an ultimatum then spend the next few days away and see if it is even worth me staying in the marriage
Before you leave the home, plant some voice activated recorders. A couple of cameras wouldn't hurt.
 

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Diana7 - I did ask that she not interact outside of work related conversations and such but she continued to talk to her friend about him and wanting him ect but he is also part of a group chat that she is always on. Don't think the friend helps as well!

Andy1001 - he is married with a new baby and going through a tough patch. I have never met him but their might be an attraction the other way as well which makes up most of the talk between her and her friend whether he likes her back or not.
You ASKED? How very refined...

Your wife has sexual feelings for another man and has so little respect for you that she not only tells you but continues to nurture these feelings right in front of your face? I really don't know how you save this. I doubt it is possible.

Good luck.
 
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