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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have been married for 30 years during which time my wife and I have had many ups and downs. 2 college graduate boys and a sixteen year old junior in high school. In May of this year my wife was contacted by a mutual friend we both knew from high school and we both met him to catch up. Turns out they had been in contact before and since then have been emailing, texting and talking on the phone hundreds of times during the past 8 months. In August my wife sent me an email saying that she wanted a divorce but we couldn't afford to move out until after the first of 2013. She then told me in November that she wanted to spend a few days alone to get herself ready to start her first job in 15 years. I had always trusted her and didn't question he plans. Early this month my son found a love letter email on the computer from this old high school friend. She told me they were in love and in her mind we had been legally separated since August and she was free to do whatever she wanted. I went a little nuts and she immediately moved out and I filed for divorce last week. I have since found her password to her email and have found hundreds of their communications to each other over the past year. I am absolutely sick about it but I can't stop reading how they planned this whole thing out. Sorry for babbling and I hope I can get some good advice here.
 

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First thing , save all the evidence. Forward them to your mail. And then save them on an a backup. Change your passwords.

Then start exposing her affair and what happened to close friends and family. First to your kids(in appropriate terms) and then to her family.
This woman totally blindsided you. She was with you while she pursued another relationship. And she kept lying to you all there months. You were fighting a war the you never knew about. She planned the whole thing.

Find out about her lover and if he is married. If he is married expose to his wife. If he is not, expose it to his kids and family. No holds barred..And this is not out of just revenge. Expose the affair at his work place if that matters. you owe this man nothing.

And finally, don't believe for a minute any justifications she is giving you for the affair. Not one!! She started and confirmed the relationship way before the separation talk. don't trust this woman at all.
 

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I have been married for 30 years during which time my wife and I have had many ups and downs. 2 college graduate boys and a sixteen year old junior in high school. In May of this year my wife was contacted by a mutual friend we both knew from high school and we both met him to catch up. Turns out they had been in contact before and since then have been emailing, texting and talking on the phone hundreds of times during the past 8 months. In August my wife sent me an email saying that she wanted a divorce but we couldn't afford to move out until after the first of 2013. She then told me in November that she wanted to spend a few days alone to get herself ready to start her first job in 15 years. I had always trusted her and didn't question he plans. Early this month my son found a love letter email on the computer from this old high school friend. She told me they were in love and in her mind we had been legally separated since August and she was free to do whatever she wanted. I went a little nuts and she immediately moved out and I filed for divorce last week. I have since found her password to her email and have found hundreds of their communications to each other over the past year. I am absolutely sick about it but I can't stop reading how they planned this whole thing out. Sorry for babbling and I hope I can get some good advice here.
Where is your wife now? With other man? She was planning to divorce and move out, and now she did move out, so I am assuming that she has been telling family and friends you plan to divorce and possibly telling them how unhappy she's been in your marriage for such a very, very long time.

Aside from your meet-up in May, has your wife had an opportunity to be meeting up with him? Has this been a physical affair?

If you've been able to read all of the emails, you probably have a good idea of the extent of what your wife has done. Do you want to reconcile? If so, what have you been doing since you found out in August that she plans to divorce you after the first of the year? Has life just gone on as normal or have you both been making plans to divorce?

Assuming that you're posting here because you want to reconcile, have a talk with your wife. Tell her face to face that you love her and want to fix your marriage. Tell her you plan on fighting for her and fighting for your marriage and that you are willing to improve your legitimate faults.

Next, expose the affair to your family and hers and close friends. Tell them she has been cheating on you, with whom, and ask them to support your marriage by encouraging her to work it out with you. Tell them she was cheating on you well before August when she first told you she wanted a divorce and that as far as you can tell, the cheating is the reason she wants the divorce. Call them on the phone, keep it brief, then move on to the next person. If you can't reach them by phone, leave a message to call you back. If you don't get a call back by the time you've finished with your list, send them an email letting them know you tried to reach them by phone and then state what you would have told them over the phone.

Contact other man's wife/girlfriend if he has one, also contact his parents, siblings, close relatives and friends, and let them know he is cheating with your wife and breaking up your family. Tell them your wife was perfectly happy in the marriage until other man started making a play for your wife and you still are fighting for your marriage. You can do this by Facebook message, email, or phone call.

The goal is to get other people to show their disapproval to your wife and other man, to remove the secrecy of the affair, and to upset their fantasy that everyone will be HAPPY for both of them that they FOUND each other and fell in love AFTER your divorce. Your wife had been planning on letting everyone believe that you were so bad and she was so unhappy; and that other man was there for her in her time of need, AFTER she decided to divorce, and then their friendship blossomed into something more AFTER she actually was divorced.

DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE IN ADVANCE THAT YOU ARE EXPOSING TO ANYONE. It will just give her and other man a chance to thwart your plans by warning every one about your "unfounded" "paranoid" jealousy.

If your wife gets mad about the exposure, tell her that everything you are doing is only because you are fighting for her and fighting for your marriage, and that, after all, you only are telling the truth; and it is she who has been telling lies.

By the way, it's interesting how "in her mind" you were "legally" separated. If it's only in her mind, how could it be "legal"? She is really in la-la land. How could you be separated and you not know it?

Finally, DO NOT let her know that you cracked her email. NEVER reveal your source of information. If she tries to lie to you about the affair, if you catch her in a lie, just tell her that you KNOW she is lying, but don't say how. Tell her the lie doesn't make sense, her story doesn't add up, but don't say how you know it is a lie, just that you know.

If your wife does agree to reconcile and work on the marriage, she will have to give up all contact now and forever with the other man.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
She has moved out. The marriage is definitely over. She met him those days she was gone in November. There are over 500 emails and I am sure double that amount of texts over the 8 months they have been talking. She has absolutely fallen for him and I can't believe it is her writing those things because she has never spoken to me that way.

She told me about the affair and that they were in love on Dec 11 only because she was confronted with evidence by our son. I filed for divorce on Dec 13 myself because we don't have much to split up and I don't want to give it all to lawyers.

All 3 boys are disgusted and ashamed. My family is completely blown apart. I have found an apartment close to the high school and my 16 yr old is going to live with me.

She is planning a trip with him in January to AZ and I am planning on moving with my son the weekend of January 12-13. It may seem that I am moving too fast, but I can't get away from her fast enough and I won't be able to move on until we are settled. My focus is on my 16 yr old and I want him to feel secure in our new life as soon as possible.

She is coming to the house today with a girlfriend to spend the day with the boys and I am leaving for the day to spend it by myself.

One more thing about the emails. I am not sure how healthy it is for me to be reading this stuff. It is unbelievably painful to see how they are talking to one another, but I find myself logging on daily.

Don't know what else to say except that the pain I am going through is excruciating. Thanks for your support.
 

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Do not let her take your son. It will not work out, this has an 80% failure rate.
I thought older kids had a say in whom they wanted as primary custodian.

Anyway, its going to be alright friend. You're going to survive, thrive in fact.


Readthis

It'll help you prepare mentally for the divorce and to detach emotionally from your wife.

Start working out. This time next year(hopefully earlier) you'll be dating a younger more beautiful woman that'll make your wife seem frumpy.

EDIT: I also suggest you not to reconcile even if she comes back begging for a second chance( don't expect this though). Pretty soon you'll be left with an empty nest and trust me it gets so very boring and on top of that you have a cheating wife, lots of resentment to get over and totally not worth it in your case. You'll do better.
 

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Why are you leaving the house when it's she that is leaving the marriage? You're making this way too easy for her.
 

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Do not let her take your son. It will not work out, this has an 80% failure rate.
Actually, jim, that affair failure rate is 97% within 2 years. Either way, not a particularly safe bet.

Dumbasses
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I thought older kids had a say in whom they wanted as primary custodian.

Anyway, its going to be alright friend. You're going to survive, thrive in fact.


Readthis

It'll help you prepare mentally for the divorce and to detach emotionally from your wife.

Start working out. This time next year(hopefully earlier) you'll be dating a younger more beautiful woman that'll make your wife seem frumpy.

EDIT: I also suggest you not to reconcile even if she comes back begging for a second chance( don't expect this though). Pretty soon you'll be left with an empty nest and trust me it gets so very boring and on top of that you have a cheating wife, lots of resentment to get over and totally not worth it in your case. You'll do better.
No way we will reconcile. She is jumping into a relationship with this guy 100%. He has told his wife as well and it has become such an F'ing mess all around. I can't even stand to look at her anymore. I have only seen her once in the last two weeks. I need to move on as fast as I can for my own sanity.

Thanks for the advice.
 

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Put the POSOM on cheaterville.com. Everytime someone does a google search on him they will know what a pile he is. Be sure and send him the notification from their annonymous option.

Good luck
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Put the POSOM on cheaterville.com. Everytime someone does a google search on him they will know what a pile he is. Be sure and send him the notification from their annonymous option.

Good luck
Not sure if that is such a good idea. They will both know it was me and I don't want to rock the boat until I get want I want in the divorce. I bookmarked that site though, thanks for the input.
 

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Put the POSOM on cheaterville.com. Everytime someone does a google search on him they will know what a pile he is. Be sure and send him the notification from their annonymous option.

Good luck
Yes do that cheaterville it has very good results find out where he works and out him there also.
 

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No way we will reconcile. She is jumping into a relationship with this guy 100%. He has told his wife as well and it has become such an F'ing mess all around. I can't even stand to look at her anymore. I have only seen her once in the last two weeks. I need to move on as fast as I can for my own sanity.

Thanks for the advice.
How do you know he has told his wife? You can bet your ass that if this info came from your WW, it's one big-assed lie.
 

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Actually, jim, that affair failure rate is 97% within 2 years. Either way, not a particularly safe bet.

Dumbasses
You are correct it is an 80% failure for the affair. If they marry, the married has a failure rate double that of a marrige without an affair, The rate is 90%.All said and done it is a little less than 3% but rounds up.

I know three cases like this. All with the same ending. Accross the street from me, his wife did the same thing. Her kids hate her and will not talk to her, She was not invited to her daughter's wedding nor has seen her grandchild. She broke up with the love of her life. He however, met a wonderfull woman and they will be married. She came out of an abusive relationship. He has never been happier and his life is great.

There are far more good woman out there then good men. if you are a good man, it is a men's world,
 

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"No way we will reconcile. She is jumping into a relationship with this guy 100%. He has told his wife as well and it has become such an F'ing mess all around. I can't even stand to look at her anymore. I have only seen her once in the last two weeks. I need to move on as fast as I can for my own sanity."

Yes, you absolutely do need to move on and do it quickly. If more members did this they would heal sooooo much faster!! Eliminate all thoughts of her, good or bad. Keep evidence in a safe place and then forget it. WORK ON YOURSELF AND YOUR SONS. TIME TO BE SELFISH!!!
 

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She is rocking the boat not you come on. What ground do they have to stand on, none!
Right now his priority should be his sons and the divorce process. He can post them after he gets a quickie divorce. If she gets wind of it before, things can turn pretty hostile.
 
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