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Why does it matter he is overly familiar and that is inappropriate. Don't hold on to your wife like she is irreplaceable she is not. Let her know as much. Spouses who have no fear act out like spoiled children.
Seriously?
If there is mutual love and respect, there doesn't need to be fear.
 

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To directly answer your question
yes, it is ok for her to sit at a party with her friends while you are sitting alone (see below)
she didn’t tell you about what happened in the kitchen because it doesn’t involve either of you, there was no reason to tell you, but there was no reason to hide it. I can’t understand why you would be upset because she didn’t tell you. I do understand that your upset by The actions of gay guy. I repeat, it doesn’t involve you.

I’m looking at this from the point of view that you go to a party and at some point go separate ways. She’s drinking and enjoying time with her friends. That’s her current focus. If you felt alone, you could have gone and joined in on the conversation or went to her and asked her to dance. Yes, she should check in with you and not ignore you. It works both ways.

Whatever the sexual orientation of gay friend is really doesnt matter. The point is this friend is rude and offensive and is not someone she should be hanging out with.

The 2 of you need to sit down and come to an agreement about how you will handle things in the future, boundaries, and expectations.

I feel like your looking for TAM to tell you your right and your wife is wrong. It’s not a yes or no situation. You each have different views.
I would say the actions of the gay man do impact OP and his wife. Forget gender and sexual orientation for a moment. This person is bad news. A booze hound looking to get everyone wasted an so crude they openly groped someone. If I'm not mistaken what was describe is low level sexual assualt. I would most definitely want to know if my wife witnessed something like this and I would really question her morals and decision making ability if she were okay remaining friends with someone that would do that.
 

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Seriously?
If there is mutual love and respect, there doesn't need to be fear.
Your not wrong, but in reality the fear of losing someone often keeps a lot of knuckle heads on their toes. I wish it wasn't so, but it is.
 
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Your not wrong, but in reality the fear of losing someone often keeps a lot of knuckle heads on their toes. I wish it wasn't so, but it is.
Sadly true, but this forum is mostly made up of people who have had serious marriage problems. It can be easy to lose sight that good marriages do exist where a couple truly have each other's backs.

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no one is answering this ,,,is it ok to sit next to him at table and me infront alone!!! she said she did not notice
None of this crap is ok.

I partied with a lot of wild people back in the day and gay guys were part of the crowd.

They loved sex and would absolutely f women too if the mood hit.

I was at one party where a gay guy f'd three men and two women in one night.

I knew several gay guys that would also F women occasionally.

Don't be a delusional wimp. Tell your wife to shape up and get rid of her boyfriend or hand her walking papers.
 

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Hello friends, I hope you all understand me. Well, my wife has a gay male friend she met at work. My wife claims this dude is a 100% guy who is engaged with another male, so long story short, at parties and social gatherings, I let my wife dance with him because all my friends' wives do the same; they say he's like a female. But here is where my issue starts: I don't own my wife; I know that! But the guy seems to control my wife's drinking; he is the one who pours the shots; sometimes he grabs the bottle and my wife opens the mouth and pours; anyhow, my issue is that I give my wife her space with her friends at gatherings, group dances, and so on. After a while, when I'm done talking to other guests at the party or people I know, and after they all get tired of dancing, I take a seat on a chair usually a table that is round so my wife comes too with the gay guy after dancing and she sees that im alone but seats in front of me with gay guy and am basically seating alone ? , I discovered that night, was one of my wife's female friends... when she was in the kitchen, this dude walks in and starts messing around with the gay guy with his hand rubbing her vagina!and laugh it off, but the female friend was in shock! My wife knew about this weeks ago, but she never told me! I was angry until I found out, so I confronted my uU wife, who said nothing had happened to me. so i confronted my wife later on in my home and she tells me she was not paying attention if i was alone .. why did she not tell me what her friend gay guy did to her other friend the female i had to find out by another source
People lie. Your wife claims.... Have you verified your wife's claims?

Would be best for you to assume that the gay male friend isn't gay at all.

Married women and male friends are not a good combination. Especially when the male friend is pouring the drinks and rubbing your wife's privates at a party. Add to this she spends her time with him and ignores you at a party.

You might want to get ahead of the curve. This may seem premature but consider divorcing this wife and finding one that wants to be with you.
 

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Hello friends, I hope you all understand me. Well, my wife has a gay male friend she met at work. My wife claims this dude is a 100% guy who is engaged with another male, so long story short, at parties and social gatherings, I let my wife dance with him because all my friends' wives do the same; they say he's like a female. But here is where my issue starts: I don't own my wife; I know that! But the guy seems to control my wife's drinking; he is the one who pours the shots; sometimes he grabs the bottle and my wife opens the mouth and pours; anyhow, my issue is that I give my wife her space with her friends at gatherings, group dances, and so on. After a while, when I'm done talking to other guests at the party or people I know, and after they all get tired of dancing, I take a seat on a chair usually a table that is round so my wife comes too with the gay guy after dancing and she sees that im alone but seats in front of me with gay guy and am basically seating alone ? , I discovered that night, was one of my wife's female friends... when she was in the kitchen, this dude walks in and starts messing around with the gay guy with his hand rubbing her vagina!and laugh it off, but the female friend was in shock! My wife knew about this weeks ago, but she never told me! I was angry until I found out, so I confronted my uU wife, who said nothing had happened to me. so i confronted my wife later on in my home and she tells me she was not paying attention if i was alone .. why did she not tell me what her friend gay guy did to her other friend the female i had to find out by another source
Well, your wife is behaving in a way that is off the charts improper of a wife. First of all, most gay guys aren't 100% gay and will gladly dry hump your SO if given the chance. I'm not saying that that is what happened with him and your wife BUT it is time you shut down the "close friends" act. Like NOW! No more dancing with the guy, no more drinks with the guy, etc. And her sitting at the table right next to the guy and in front of you, WTF was that? Was she sending the message that she was with him and not you? At that moment you should've told her "come sit right next to me."

"Gay friend" is the same as "he's just a friend," a euphemism to throw you off the scent.

You better shut this down!
 

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When hubby and I go out to parties or dances, I’m always dancing with other men (slow and fast songs) and other woman (fast songs). Some people he knows, others he doesn’t. Some people I know, others I don’t. Hubby dances with other women he knows. What’s the big deal.
Well, it sends the message that all is not ok with the marriage.

There is ZERO good to come out of dancing with other people other than your SO. You're certainly not going to hook up with them, you're not going home with them. So, let me ask you: what benefit do you see in bumping your privates against another person? Because that's basically what it is... Preventing cheating means minimizing the situations where infidelity can take place. And in the same manner, a good marriage depends on the partners not do boneheaded stuff that makes it seems you're ready for the picking.
 

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There is an unspoken presence in some men that clearly gives the signal that this kind of behavior is unacceptable and outsiders coming into their territory will pay a price. Nonverbal communication goes a long way. I think you just got big time chit tested by both of them.
 

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This gay friend sounds like a bad guy. He has crossed many boundaries & your wife lets him. That is the problem.

As for your wife not telling you that the gay guy grabbed another woman, lighten up there. Technically her telling you would be gossip. It's not great that she didn't tell you but that is not the real problem. The real problem is after witnessing the crude behavior, your wife has not put distance between her & him. You have to ask yourself why she would want to continue to be friends with such a person.

Do talk to your wife. Explain that you think something is off about this guy. That you don't like how he treats her or others & that you feel as though she is picking him over you. Tell her you want her to be more concerned & respectful of your feelings & that if she truly loves you she will think about how her actions make you feel, then work to change.
 

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There are very few people that are totally homosexual to the complete exclusive of the opposite sex.

if there is someone of the opposite sex that a guy that digs men comes in contact with that he feels comfortable with and finds attractive and she offers it up without any strings, 99% of the guys that publicly identify as gay will take her up on it. They may like to get down with men and they may prefer a man’s energy, but they are still biological males and will still respond instinctually to healthy female offering it up at no cost.

It’s 1950s thinking to believe that just because a guy sucks dck that he won’t also get with a female if offered.

the way this guy behaves, he probably bangs more chicks in a year than most of us straight guys here.
 

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There are very few people that are totally homosexual to the complete exclusive of the opposite sex.

if there is someone of the opposite sex that a guy that digs men comes in contact with that he feels comfortable with and finds attractive and she offers it up without any strings, 99% of the guys that publicly identify as gay will take her up on it. They may like to get down with men and they may prefer a man’s energy, but they are still biological males and will still respond instinctually to healthy female offering it up at no cost.

It’s 1950s thinking to believe that just because a guy sucks dck that he won’t also get with a female if offered.

the way this guy behaves, he probably bangs more chicks in a year than most of us straight guys here.
Exactly. I grew up around many gay men. I lived two doors down from a gay bar and my mom worked with a couple gay men. One of those she was quite close to. Let's just say he was flaming hot gay. You couldn't mistake him for being gay from a mile away. He was also a party animal and even though his relationships were with men, he would stick his penis in damn near anything.

This gay friend sounds very similar. He's got is made if you think about it. He walks up and grabs a woman by the crotch. If they speak up he just says, I'm gay I meant nothing by it. If they like it, well there is his opportunity. I'm not positive that is what is going on, but I wouldn't want my wife anywhere near that man.
 

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Let’s flip this around; would it be appropriate for a married heterosexual man coming up to other married men in front of their wives and flirting up the married men with sexual innuendos and graphic sexual c’mons and fondling their junk and inviting them back to his apt to get drunk and party it up.

Would that be ok as long as that guy says he’s straight???
 
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