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this gay guy has literally text my wife and writes Wanna Drink? hes gay has a male husband
The gay guy texting a married woman that is extremely inappropriate, and should not be tolerated by you.
The fact that he is gay and is married is not germane to the situation.
If he is grabbing female crotches, that makes him bi.
He probably goes both ways.
That fact that he is married means nothing.
Either he cheats on his husband, or maybe he and hubby are into odd numbers.
 

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no one is answering this ,,,is it ok to sit next to him at table and me infront alone!!! she said she did not notice
No its not. You have every right in the world to be pissed.

Look, you cannot control your wife. You should not try. You can only set your boundaries, tell her straight and true what those boundaries are, and if she continues to violate them then you will do what you have to do to protect yourself. Your idiot wife is walking on a slippery slope. Unfortunately, in this woke world we live in, you will get flamed by her and everyone else if you try to keep her from having these friends. There will even be women on TAM who will flame you if you even lean like you are trying to control your wife, so tread carefully.

She is acting like a college brat. She is acting inappropriately with another male, whether he is gay or not has nothing to do with it.

Gay men do have sex with women from time to time, so don't put up with that excuse. I have several gay friends and they have told me of their occasional exploits with straight women. These two assholes could be grooming her for a MMF.

Again, protect yourself. Tell her what she is doing is not cool with you and that if she persists then you will take steps necessary to protect yourself emotionally and financially.
 

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hes gay has a male husband
A person who is sexually attracted to both men and women is bisexual. Just because he is committed to a man doesn't mean he's only interested in men. The fact that he grabbed a woman's crotch is assault. She could have pressed charges against him for sexual assault.

This whole situation seems dysfunctional. You two don't have good communication. Her friends seem to be raunchy. This gay man seems raunchy. You two need to learn to work together and to have better boundaries in general, including who you are hanging out with.
 

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NOBODY can control how much another person drinks. Well, unless they put a loaded gun to the victim's head and force them to drink.
I disagree. The second worst hang over I've had was because a friend of my sister's new hubby was slipping quietly filling folks' glasses at the wedding reception. Not forcing it on us, just making sure to fill the glass while we were distracted talking.
 

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When hubby and I go out to parties or dances, I’m always dancing with other men (slow and fast songs) and other woman (fast songs). Some people he knows, others he doesn’t. Some people I know, others I don’t. Hubby dances with other women he knows. What’s the big deal. Were all there having fun, in a very public spot. If I leave hubby alone, he finds someone to talk to or he finds me. Same goes if I’m sitting alone. We also dance together and sit together and take parts in group discussions. It’s a social event, if we wanted to just be together we’d stay home.

As far as gay guy controlling drinking, hes not controlling anything. Your wife controls herself. She’s the one opening her mouth for gay guy to pour liquor in. If she doesn’t want to, she’s perfect capable of saying no. If you’re not comfortable with this you need to have a discussion with her.

Your story of the kitchen is very confusing. If I’m correct your wife was in the kitchen with friends where inappropriate touching occurred between your wife’s friends. This has nothing to do with you. If your wife has a problem with it, she can discuss it with her friends or ask for your help.

Your obviously very upset about how your wife acts at these events. it Seems that the leaving you alone and the drinking have happened before, but this incident is the straw that broke the camels back. Did you ever discuss it with her in the past? Is she completely ignoring your feeling and concerns? Whether you have or haven’t the impparts t part is that your on the same page and agree on boundaries.
 

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Hello friends, I hope you all understand me. Well, my wife has a gay male friend she met at work. My wife claims this dude is a 100% guy who is engaged with another male, so long story short, at parties and social gatherings, I let my wife dance with him because all my friends' wives do the same; they say he's like a female. But here is where my issue starts: I don't own my wife; I know that! But the guy seems to control my wife's drinking; he is the one who pours the shots; sometimes he grabs the bottle and my wife opens the mouth and pours; anyhow, my issue is that I give my wife her space with her friends at gatherings, group dances, and so on. After a while, when I'm done talking to other guests at the party or people I know, and after they all get tired of dancing, I take a seat on a chair usually a table that is round so my wife comes too with the gay guy after dancing and she sees that im alone but seats in front of me with gay guy and am basically seating alone ? , I discovered that night, was one of my wife's female friends... when she was in the kitchen, this dude walks in and starts messing around with the gay guy with his hand rubbing her vagina!and laugh it off, but the female friend was in shock! My wife knew about this weeks ago, but she never told me! I was angry until I found out, so I confronted my uU wife, who said nothing had happened to me. so i confronted my wife later on in my home and she tells me she was not paying attention if i was alone .. why did she not tell me what her friend gay guy did to her other friend the female i had to find out by another source
I know quite a few gay guys like your wife's friend. They make any party more fun, the flip side is they are usually the center of the drama, and they love being the center of the drama so quite often start said drama. What you need is either a more mature level headed gay guy, (I'd be willing to bet his husband matches that) or a really bad ass lesbian to keep him in check.

Those are fun but they get annoying kind of quick. They're the male version of the women who put their hands up and scream woooooo hoooooo every ten minutes at a party.

General characteristics of these types.

1. Life of the party.
2. Lots of straight married female friends.
3. Dislike lesbians.
4. Total **** talkers. (Especially about married female friends husbands)
5. Instigators of drama/problems.
 

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Some gay gents can be very boisterous or forward. My cousin is a bit of a bully and would be very forward to get attention. Dunno whether he'd grope a woman's vagina, though.

I've been to a couple of Christmas parties at the house of one of the gay couples in our neighborhood and found you get all sorts, especially after a few drinks.

If you wife had a few drinks, her sitting across from you might not be something she thought to think through.

Some gay gents at least enjoy "walking on the wild side" from time to time, same as some straight men claim to do.
 

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I disagree. The second worst hang over I've had was because a friend of my sister's new hubby was slipping quietly filling folks' glasses at the wedding reception. Not forcing it on us, just making sure to fill the glass while we were distracted talking.
You're missing the point I made. Your situation is not the same as the OP's.
 

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no one is answering this ,,,is it ok to sit next to him at table and me infront alone!!! she said she did not notice
Here you go, no.

My wife had a minimum metrosexual work buddy and she was like, “Oh I am going to go out to dinner with so and so.” So I’m like cool sounds great where are we eating? So I went with them, bought dinner, and checked the guy out for gayness.

Turns out not gay. Seems gay but is just younger weird metro guy. Actually has a girlfriend. I thought hmm that’s weird, ok well you don’t need to be having 1-1 dinners with him.

Easy.
 

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Hello friends, I hope you all understand me. Well, my wife has a gay male friend she met at work. My wife claims this dude is a 100% guy who is engaged with another male, so long story short, at parties and social gatherings, I let my wife dance with him because all my friends' wives do the same; they say he's like a female. But here is where my issue starts: I don't own my wife; I know that! But the guy seems to control my wife's drinking; he is the one who pours the shots; sometimes he grabs the bottle and my wife opens the mouth and pours; anyhow, my issue is that I give my wife her space with her friends at gatherings, group dances, and so on. After a while, when I'm done talking to other guests at the party or people I know, and after they all get tired of dancing, I take a seat on a chair usually a table that is round so my wife comes too with the gay guy after dancing and she sees that im alone but seats in front of me with gay guy and am basically seating alone ? , I discovered that night, was one of my wife's female friends... when she was in the kitchen, this dude walks in and starts messing around with the gay guy with his hand rubbing her vagina!and laugh it off, but the female friend was in shock! My wife knew about this weeks ago, but she never told me! I was angry until I found out, so I confronted my uU wife, who said nothing had happened to me. so i confronted my wife later on in my home and she tells me she was not paying attention if i was alone .. why did she not tell me what her friend gay guy did to her other friend the female i had to find out by another source
Him being perceived as GAY by your wife among others is not a good reason to let your guard down. He is still a man and could be bisexual (or bi-curious at minimum). This will not bode well for you and your marriage.

You need to tell your wife to distance herself from her GAY friend because he is a bad influence and known to touch women inappropriately. Enforce this position as a martial boundary for your wife to commit to. No ifs and buts.
 

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Hello friends, I hope you all understand me. Well, my wife has a gay male friend she met at work. My wife claims this dude is a 100% guy who is engaged with another male, so long story short, at parties and social gatherings, I let my wife dance with him because all my friends' wives do the same; they say he's like a female. But here is where my issue starts: I don't own my wife; I know that! But the guy seems to control my wife's drinking; he is the one who pours the shots; sometimes he grabs the bottle and my wife opens the mouth and pours; anyhow, my issue is that I give my wife her space with her friends at gatherings, group dances, and so on. After a while, when I'm done talking to other guests at the party or people I know, and after they all get tired of dancing, I take a seat on a chair usually a table that is round so my wife comes too with the gay guy after dancing and she sees that im alone but seats in front of me with gay guy and am basically seating alone ? , I discovered that night, was one of my wife's female friends... when she was in the kitchen, this dude walks in and starts messing around with the gay guy with his hand rubbing her vagina!and laugh it off, but the female friend was in shock! My wife knew about this weeks ago, but she never told me! I was angry until I found out, so I confronted my uU wife, who said nothing had happened to me. so i confronted my wife later on in my home and she tells me she was not paying attention if i was alone .. why did she not tell me what her friend gay guy did to her other friend the female i had to find out by another source
Neither my wife nor I hang out with gay people, of either gender. If the gay guy came up and rubbed my wifes vagina, I'd be knocking the holy **** out of this guy!!!!
 

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To directly answer your question
yes, it is ok for her to sit at a party with her friends while you are sitting alone (see below)
she didn’t tell you about what happened in the kitchen because it doesn’t involve either of you, there was no reason to tell you, but there was no reason to hide it. I can’t understand why you would be upset because she didn’t tell you. I do understand that your upset by The actions of gay guy. I repeat, it doesn’t involve you.

I’m looking at this from the point of view that you go to a party and at some point go separate ways. She’s drinking and enjoying time with her friends. That’s her current focus. If you felt alone, you could have gone and joined in on the conversation or went to her and asked her to dance. Yes, she should check in with you and not ignore you. It works both ways.

Whatever the sexual orientation of gay friend is really doesnt matter. The point is this friend is rude and offensive and is not someone she should be hanging out with.

The 2 of you need to sit down and come to an agreement about how you will handle things in the future, boundaries, and expectations.

I feel like your looking for TAM to tell you your right and your wife is wrong. It’s not a yes or no situation. You each have different views.
 

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Just because someone is gay does not give them license to behave inappropriately.

Would any of this behavior be OK from another woman??

I think you are putting too much stock in him being gay and using that as an excuse to tolerate inappropriate behavior.

And just because he is with a dude doesn't mean he would not get down with a woman if given the opportunity. Most gay guys have been with women and are more fluid than they are often given credit for. And there are women that use a man's homosexuality as a free pass to indulge in their own inappropriate behavior. They get their egos stroked and enjoying pushing things to the limit to stroke their own ego and tell themselves and their partners that it is ok since the other guy sucks dck. Some even intentionally try to bed them as a challenge or to "turn them straight."

This is just crude and boarish behavior all the way around and it has nothing to do with homosexuality.
 

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Keep in mind....
About the gay man.

Sober, he likes men, drunk he likes anything warm.
And, he does dumb things while drunk, as would anyone else.

Your wife is an alcoholic.

She hangs with the gay guy because he is probably, also an alcoholic.
Two jay birds of a feather.

It is less about diks, more about drinks.

The gay guy is not a party-pooper, you are Sapo13, in your wife's eyes.

Gay men can be gay most of the times, bisexual when opportunity presents itself.
It is only sex and getting off, dontcha' know! :(:(
 

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Hello friends, I hope you all understand me. Well, my wife has a gay male friend she met at work. My wife claims this dude is a 100% guy who is engaged with another male, so long story short, at parties and social gatherings, I let my wife dance with him because all my friends' wives do the same; they say he's like a female. But here is where my issue starts: I don't own my wife; I know that! But the guy seems to control my wife's drinking; he is the one who pours the shots; sometimes he grabs the bottle and my wife opens the mouth and pours; anyhow, my issue is that I give my wife her space with her friends at gatherings, group dances, and so on. After a while, when I'm done talking to other guests at the party or people I know, and after they all get tired of dancing, I take a seat on a chair usually a table that is round so my wife comes too with the gay guy after dancing and she sees that im alone but seats in front of me with gay guy and am basically seating alone ? , I discovered that night, was one of my wife's female friends... when she was in the kitchen, this dude walks in and starts messing around with the gay guy with his hand rubbing her vagina!and laugh it off, but the female friend was in shock! My wife knew about this weeks ago, but she never told me! I was angry until I found out, so I confronted my uU wife, who said nothing had happened to me. so i confronted my wife later on in my home and she tells me she was not paying attention if i was alone .. why did she not tell me what her friend gay guy did to her other friend the female i had to find out by another source
Why does it matter he is overly familiar and that is inappropriate. Don't hold on to your wife like she is irreplaceable she is not. Let her know as much. Spouses who have no fear act out like spoiled children.
 
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