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Discussion Starter #1
Been married for 6 years. For the past few weeks my wife and I have become distant. Arguments and little intimacy. Then before work one night, my wife came to me and said the marriage is not gonna work and that she wants me out of the apt by the end of the month. I quickly gathered my thoughts and said; no, as long as my child remains in this apt I will do so too. So she then replys, if there is a will there is a way. I dont want to leave unless court ordered but I dont see how the court would kick me out as I have done nothing wrong.

I take care of my child effortlessly throughout the day, I clean around the house, I cook, I work 32-40hrs a week, I help pay the bills, etc. I'm far from a deadbeat. I lack in showing her affection and not appreciating her from time to time (basically expressing that I treat her like shiit). This is her grounds to kick me out. I'm looking everywhere for suggestions to help me out or at least build a strong case for myself if she actually gets legal with me. Any help is appreciated.
 

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Been married for 6 years. For the past few weeks my wife and I have become distant. Arguments and little intimacy. Then before work one night, my wife came to me and said the marriage is not gonna work and that she wants me out of the apt by the end of the month. I quickly gathered my thoughts and said; no, as long as my child remains in this apt I will do so too. So she then replys, if there is a will there is a way. I dont want to leave unless court ordered but I dont see how the court would kick me out as I have done nothing wrong.

I take care of my child effortlessly throughout the day, I clean around the house, I cook, I work 32-40hrs a week, I help pay the bills, etc. I'm far from a deadbeat. I lack in showing her affection and not appreciating her from time to time (basically expressing that I treat her like shiit). This is her grounds to kick me out. I'm looking everywhere for suggestions to help me out or at least build a strong case for myself if she actually gets legal with me. Any help is appreciated.
She cannot legally evict you tell her she can move out. It sounds like she wants you out to move her boyfriend in.
 

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First off, get your own lawyer.

Around here though, neither spouse can kick the other one out (AFAIK), no matter who's name is on the lease or property title.

C
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Financially I'm going to dig myself a hole if I did get a lawyer. I know will have to sooner than later atleast before she does. I am however going to consult with some. I told her that since we are married I have the same rights to be in the house no matter whose name is on the lease. She told me the apt can kick me out because my name is not on the lease agreement. Is that true?
 

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Financially I'm going to dig myself a hole if I did get a lawyer. I know will have to sooner than later atleast before she does. I am however going to consult with some. I told her that since we are married I have the same rights to be in the house no matter whose name is on the lease. She told me the apt can kick me out because my name is not on the lease agreement. Is that true?
If she tries to kick you out call the police. I think there is another man in the picture why so distant over the past 2 weeks?
 

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I would definitely recommend contacting a lawyer and double-checking your rights. I am not a lawyer and don't play one on TV, but we have a friend who just went through this same thing. He owned the house free and clear, and only his name was on the deed. She was living there -- former wife; they divorced and got back together for a short time but never remarried -- and he was not able to even kick her out, even though she had no claim to the property and had not paid a cent to either the payoff of the property or the monthly utility bills. He did have to go to court and formally serve her with eviction papers and have a hearing to get her out of the house. She actually ended up moving out two days before the 30-day eviction date, but still had to appear in court, where the judge issued a formal ruling that she was barred from returning to the property. All told, I think he said it cost him $2,500 to go through this process. But she stayed right up until the last minute because she also had an attorney who told her until a judge told her to leave, because she had been living there, she had full rights to remain in the property.
 

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Have you talked to the rental manager?

Hell see if you can get your name on the lease if you are not, just don't tell her.

Get a voice activated recorder (VAR) and keep in on you, this will prevent her from falsely accusing you, If she does call the cops you have proof of her making these false acusations.

BTW you have been replaced, find out who this other guy is, just do it quitely, asking her is a waste of time....she will lie.
 

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Discussion Starter #8 (Edited)
Considering our how tightly we manage our time, I don't believe she is seeing anyone but I pray she isn't because that would hurt. She told me she called the leasing office and said they have the right to vacate me since my name isn't on the lease agreement. But I don't think she told them we were married. Everyone I've talked to said I have the right to stay in the apt unless court ordered to move. I really need to find a good lawyer in this area of practice.

But I'm not sure if I'm ready or should take the final step in getting a divorce. I love having this woman around. She's the mother of my child. And even though we argue and put each other down (saying such things like "you're stupid" or "only an idiot would do that") here and there, I still love her and want her to be apart of my life. I understand that she is trying to kick me out but she didn't say anything about a divorce. She just said we are still married but just separated.
 

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I understand you love this woman and want to continue to be a part of her life, but right now you are putting way too much trust into what she is telling you. She told you she called the leasing office and, guess what, she tells you they agree completely with her, so you'll just move out. Why don't you call the leasing office yourself and get the info from the horse's mouth, so to speak? Now is just not a time I would be trusting her to tell the truth, because she has no incentive to be honest with you right now. She wants you out so she can do whatever -- invite another man or just be single. You need to stop letting her tell you how this is going to go down and go talk to a lawyer so you're prepared for what lies ahead.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Very true nomore. She told me to get out or she'll go away and take the kid. I asked why I only have 2 options and she didnt respond. I will stop letting her tell me how its going to happen. And very true, I'll be making some phones calls.
 

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No wonder she wants you out, sounds like you are demeaning and bulling her and destroying her self esteem.
That's why I said "we", because I receive that end of the stick and worst at times. Nothing hurts more than being told I must be a loser if I have a business degree but work at measly 40hr/week job. Or how about how much better she could do than me? Its not a one way street and I dont say those things to intentionally demean her.
 

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But I'm not sure if I'm ready or should take the final step in getting a divorce. I love having this woman around. She's the mother of my child. And even though we argue and put each other down (saying such things like "you're stupid" or "only an idiot would do that") here and there, I still love her and want her to be apart of my life. I understand that she is trying to kick me out but she didn't say anything about a divorce. She just said we are still married but just separated.
You are in a tough spot, as is everyone who comes to this board not knowing whether to fight for their marriage after the other spouse says they want out, or to just hang tight and see what plays out and roll with it.

So she says that you are just separated? Really? Did she file for legal separation? Did you have a say in this, or did she just tell you that's how it was going to be and you went along with it?

Most folks here will tell you to search the forum for the 180 and apply it, starting today. Right now, you have allowed your wife to remain in a position of power, where she tells you what the status of your marriage is, she tells you whether you need to leave your home and your child, and she really does expect you to just do what she says. Are you kidding me? You need to STOP letting her run the show and dictate every nuance of your relationship.

You may not be ready to throw in the towel, but you need to start detaching and preparing for the worst-case scenario, which could include divorce, whether you like it or not. Since coming to this board, I've become a huge fan of folks putting their money where their mouth is. If she isn't committed to your marriage -- and wants to straddle the fence by calling it a separation while moving on with her life, but, hey, she'll keep you as a backup plan in the meantime -- then you don't have a marriage. You have a wife who wants things both ways -- she wants her freedom but she wants you hanging on the sidelines waiting for her to tell you, "Okay, that didn't work out, so I'll take you back now." If this was an agreed-upon separation, where you guys were taking a break to work through some things, my opinion would be totally different.

I say quit playing this silly game she wants you to engage in, focused on the moving out part. I say march your rear end to the courthouse, file for divorce, have her served, and then see how things shake out. Refuse to be her Plan B; refuse to sit around waiting for her to decide if you and your marriage are good enough options for her to commit. If she wants out, open the door for her.

*I just got an e-mail with another reply posted, and I agree wholeheartedly with that poster. You don't sound like you've been the best husband, and it very well may have cost you your marriage. If that happens, maybe you got what you had coming. You simply can't be a $hitty husband and expect your wife not to walk when she gets fed up with it and nothing ever changing. From the "we" qualification, though, it sounds like your wife has engaged in this type of behavior, as well. Maybe you guys just aren't compatible and this can't work.

Having said that, though, I'm a big fan of adults acting like adults. I still believe before things getting this far, she should have come to you and said, "Look, dude, here' s the deal. I've had enough of you disrespecting me and I can't do this anymore. We need to either sit down and work out details amicably, or I'm filing for divorce." It's the whole limbo thing that I have issues with because it's playing a game that serves no purpose.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Absolutely I have been the best husband. But I'm a great father and great person. I treat her with respect until I see otherwise with her actions.
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You have a wife who wants things both ways -- she wants her freedom but she wants you hanging on the sidelines waiting for her to tell you, "Okay, that didn't work out, so I'll take you back now."
:iagree:



Having said that, though, I'm a big fan of adults acting like adults. It's the whole limbo thing that I have issues with because it's playing a game that serves no purpose.
From what I have read there are one of 2 things happening. ......1) For some reason she has gotten pissed at you, and is saying mean and hateful things to get back at you. then you retaliate with hateful degrading remarks back "to get even" and this has gone on, till she is disgusted at the sight of you. ............OR 2) She is having an EA/PA and has a new guy friend and is disconnecting with you and pushing you away.

If it #1 you two need to grow up, even if you two divorce you will take your "resentful conflict attitudes" into new relationships........If it is ....#2 I would D her, I wouldn't put up with what you are going through. IMO
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I'm being stubborn in taking a step forward. Having hope that things will just work itself out. Having hope that she will come around. But deep inside I know what I must to do. And thats the hardest part. Trusting her now is not even worth my time because I don't know what she has planned up behind me at the moment. I can only ask what she is telling friends of ours to get a clear mind of how she's thinking. One of our friends she talks to told me that my wife told her that we agreed I was going to move out. I quickly told her that was not the case and that I was being kicked out by my wife. It has given me an idea of how she is trying to present herself as if she was the good person which is not the case.
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No wonder she wants you out, sounds like you are demeaning and bulling her and destroying her self esteem.
Did you miss the part where he said "we" or are you incapable of reading English?

She has another man, and wants you out.

You read enough of this forum, and the patterns become glaringly obvious, sadly :(
 

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Did you miss the part where he said "we" or are you incapable of reading English?

:(
SpurnedLonely...You are rude in your comment to me, no wonder you made your screen name; SpurnedLonely if you talk other people in your real life that way

I know she said hateful things ALSO I was merely challenging the OP to look at things from her point of view. Sometimes small things can escalate people get mad, then it escalates more. At some point it has a very detrimental effect on the relationship. And someone needs to try and be the peace maker.

However, I agree with the majority of the posters here , there is most likely an A going on .

OP..I wish you the best as you struggle through this conflict, I think the posters here have given you some good advice
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Tried to reason with her for the sake of the child but I believe she is already looking past our child to please her own happiness. This is where I shake my head wondering why she would bare a child if she knew she was seeking her own happiness first. She can choose her school, job and career. I will choose my daughter.

Thank you mel123. You're right. I should of been a better man and the better person. I should have been the peace maker. Dishing words back and forth is a child's game. She slipped and I let it happen. But I must face the seriousness of the situation and go about it a adult manner. I'm very resentful at moment with what she's doing to me. It angers me greatly inside. If she is having an A, so be it. I cannot stop a cold heart for it has no beat. Karma will have its way with her.

One step at a time. I need to start looking forward.
 
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