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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited by Moderator)
My wife brought up divorce last Friday without telling me any of the truth. She fed me lies about how she grew attraction to her co worker and was feeling wanderlust. We had deep conversations and she said after a couple of days that she wanted to work on us.

Some of her actions and words didn't match up and I had the sickening feeling she was already cheating. I did a despicable thing and snooped on her phone. I saw the sort of text they have been sending since last Thursday. Exchanging nudes, creating meetup times for the weekends, scheming how to fake a business trip, oh and also how the friend said he didn't want to date and instead remain friends with benefits on the same day she "wanted to work on us" So she is not genuine. She got rejected by her ****boi and wants to crawl back to me. I want a divorce but we have 2 kids, global pandemic, and low income atm. Hell I wanted to go to counseling at first, she made me feel like it was entirely my fault she wanted a divorce but that wasnt true. Now? I don't want to waste my money on that.

The kicker is that this isnt the first time. She sexted (no nudes according to her) a mutual friend 5 years ago. Oh and when I confronted her about the texts I got new info on an old cheat. She told me 4 years ago she got a hand job from another friend when at the time (a month after the fact) she told me she only kissed the friend. Like I'm still getting new information of past cheating. I can't trust what she says because she could be just hiding the whole truth and only feeding me what she WANTS me to know. If I didn't snoop she wouldn't have told me anything, her words. They are still texting but she says they arent sexting, like I can even trust that anymore.
 

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My wife brought up divorce last Friday without telling me any of the truth. She fed me lies about how she grew attraction to her co worker and was feeling wanderlust. We had deep conversations and she said after a couple of days that she wanted to work on us.

Bud, she’s just went into self protection mode. This is for her not you.

Some of her actions and words didn't match up and I had the sickening feeling she was already cheating. I did a despicable thing and snooped on her phone. I saw the sort of text they have been sending since last Thursday. Exchanging nudes, creating meetup times for the weekends, scheming how to fake a business trip, oh and also how the friend said he didn't want to date and instead remain friends with benefits on the same day she "wanted to work on us" So she is not genuine. She got rejected by her fuccboi and wants to crawl back to me. I want a divorce but we have 2 kids, global pandemic, and low income atm. Hell I wanted to go to counseling at first, she made me feel like it was entirely my fault she wanted a divorce but that wasnt true. Now? I don't want to waste my money on that.

There is no privacy to cheat in a marriage. You should have been investigating sooner. Stay out of marriage counseling. They are notorious rugsweepers And will blame you for her 100% willing decision to cheat. Stop making excuses on why you can’t move forward with D and look for how you can.

The kicker is that this isnt the first time. She sexted (no nudes according to her) a mutual friend 5 years ago. Oh and when I confronted her about the texts I got new info on an old cheat. She told me 4 years ago she got a hand job from another friend when at the time (a month after the fact) she told me she only kissed the friend. Like I'm still getting new information of past cheating. I can't trust what she says because she could be just hiding the whole truth and only feeding me what she WANTS me to know. If I didn't snoop she wouldn't have told me anything, her words. They are still texting but she says they arent sexting, like I can even trust that anymore.
You are married to a serial cheater. She’ll never stop. DNA your kids. Get tested for STDs and cut off any unnecessary contact. Move her out of your bedroom.

You have a choice. Stay in this and continue to get cheated on or move on.

All cheaters lie a lot. That’s all you’re getting or will get.
 

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clearly you have a serial cheater on your hand so any and i mean any trust is gone....you can never believe what comes out of her mouth......so if divorce is not an option due to the kids, i would protect myself than, I would expose this to everyone so she understands that there are consequences to her actions. I would record all conversations with her and i would tell her that you will push a post-nup if you have to stay married. you realize you are plan b
 

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DNA your kids.
When I told her I have to question the last 5 years of my life and my son is 3 years old. She didn't like that and was like "get a DNA test if you can't believe he is yours" the way she said it hurt cause i ****ing love these kids, I don't want to doubt them. They are too special to me. More so than she is right now.
 

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My wife brought up divorce last Friday without telling me any of the truth. She fed me lies about how she grew attraction to her co worker and was feeling wanderlust. We had deep conversations and she said after a couple of days that she wanted to work on us.

Some of her actions and words didn't match up and I had the sickening feeling she was already cheating. I did a despicable thing and snooped on her phone. I saw the sort of text they have been sending since last Thursday. Exchanging nudes, creating meetup times for the weekends, scheming how to fake a business trip, oh and also how the friend said he didn't want to date and instead remain friends with benefits on the same day she "wanted to work on us" So she is not genuine. She got rejected by her fuccboi and wants to crawl back to me. I want a divorce but we have 2 kids, global pandemic, and low income atm. Hell I wanted to go to counseling at first, she made me feel like it was entirely my fault she wanted a divorce but that wasnt true. Now? I don't want to waste my money on that.

The kicker is that this isnt the first time. She sexted (no nudes according to her) a mutual friend 5 years ago. Oh and when I confronted her about the texts I got new info on an old cheat. She told me 4 years ago she got a hand job from another friend when at the time (a month after the fact) she told me she only kissed the friend. Like I'm still getting new information of past cheating. I can't trust what she says because she could be just hiding the whole truth and only feeding me what she WANTS me to know. If I didn't snoop she wouldn't have told me anything, her words. They are still texting but she says they arent sexting, like I can even trust that anymore.
Why would you stay with that?
She sounds horrible.
You will be miserable the rest of your life if you stay with her.
Move on, there a tons of better women than her.
Kids are not a reason to stay with a selfish, adulteress shrew.
Good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
clearly you have a serial cheater on your hand so any and i mean any trust is gone....you can never believe what comes out of her mouth......so if divorce is not an option due to the kids, i would protect myself than, I would expose this to everyone so she understands that there are consequences to her actions. I would record all conversations with her and i would tell her that you will push a post-nup if you have to stay married. you realize you are plan b

I didn't even know post-nup was a thing! She was super against pre-nup when I thought that was the norm.
 

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Why would you stay with that?
She sounds horrible.
You will be miserable the rest of your life if you stay with her.
Move on, there a tons of better women than her.
Kids are not a reason to stay with a selfish, adulteress shrew.
Good luck.
It's why I'm starting to feel trapped. The kids need care and I don't think I would be able to support them on my own. I had to quit my job and schooling when my wife had a small breakdown about a year ago (said she hated being home alone with the kids). I admit there is a tinge of anger when I think about how i threw my education away to support this woman through college.
 

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Consult an attorney immediately. As others have said, she's a serial cheat and remember- this is based solely on what she's told you. I guarantee there other partners and a lot more things that she isn't telling you.

I'm sorry you're here. Sounds like you already know what you need to do. Don't let your financial situation or kids dictate everything. There are creative ways to deal with this, and a competent attorney can help you wade through it.
 

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I didn't even know post-nup was a thing! She was super against pre-nup when I thought that was the norm.
That would buy you some time if you need it.
If she is in dire straits like you think, she might go for it.
Use the time to make your arrangements.
Give her a little slack, do some monitoring.
Without question, she will do it again.
Then, file, use the post nup, and flush.
 

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The other thing to consider, you need to show your kids what a good relationship is -- it will affect their futures.
You need to show them how to stand up for themselves when they are being mistreated. D with your unrepentant wife will do this.

Also, you should EXPOSE her to your fam/friends or she will re-write you marital history on all of this to make YOU seem like the bad guy.
Is her AP married? Did you get copies of the texts/pics (I hope so). Contact HIS wife/gf and let THEM know what he is up to.
i DO think you should DNA your kids -- it will show her how serious you are about all of this. Even if one or more come back as NOT yours doesn't mean you won't love them. It MAY give you advantages in the divorce though....
 

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This is one of the rare situations that I would advocate for DNA testing your children, because I think there's a real likelihood that one of them might not be yours.

Regarding your marriage, you have two options:

1. Accepting you are in a one-sided open marriage where she gets to sleep around, and won't ever be honest with you about that.
2. Divorce.

There is no other option that I see. She won't likely stop cheating. Ever. Even if she gets married to someone else after you divorce. She'll likely cheat on him, too. It's who she seems to be.
 

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It's why I'm starting to feel trapped. The kids need care and I don't think I would be able to support them on my own. I had to quit my job and schooling when my wife had a small breakdown about a year ago (said she hated being home alone with the kids). I admit there is a tinge of anger when I think about how i threw my education away to support this woman through college.
What????? Wife couldn't hack caring for the kids, so you quit everything to switch roles? Has she since been making all the money?

Your wife sounds very selfish - does whatever she wants with other men, etc. In your shoes, I'd couch surf before staying married to her.

Start detaching. Research the 180.
 

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So she doesn't know what you know? She probably thinks you think she's doing you a favor by offering to give your marriage another shot. That will make it more difficult to get her to sign a post-nup. If she is reeling from simultaneously being caught and dumped by her bf, better chance at a post nup. Maybe there's a way to create that situation here.

Need to talk to a lawyer stat. There is a small chance that infidelity can be used to get a more favorable outcome, but only in a handful of States. If that's the case, the lawyer can tell you what kind of proof you need, and how it can be legally/admissibly obtained. What State are you in?
 
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