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4 Posts
Hi Everyone,
This is my first post. I going to be honest with what I write, here goes.
I met my wife 11 years ago and we have been married for 7 years and have two children aged 9 and 6. I am 30 and my wife is 29.
We have always had a very close relationship and were very much in love. We struggled with child care when are first child was born and also with money, things were tight and it put a lot of stress on us for years (only the last year we have been ok with money) but we were happy (so I thought).
5 months ago on my wifes birthday, my wife told me she wasn't in love me with anymore (we had a argument before and she snapped). Id never thought I would hear those words from her and I was very very shocked as only 3 days earlier we had a romantic night out together (rare we would go out due to child care). there was never a day prior we never told each other "I love you".
A few days went by and i thought the anger was disappear and we would sort things out. I have never seen anger like this before.
My wife basically said she's going to be 30 next year and she "hasn't done anything with her life". She ask me to move to my mothers house for a week so she can think.
I have been quite controlling and possessive in the past and before when we argued we never resolved things and my wife bottled all these arguments up for years until boom, she told me she didn't know if she wanted to be with me anymore.
That 1 week for her turned into 5 weeks before she said I could come back home but she still didn't know if she wanted to be with me. She said "were trying to see if I want to be with you"
Anyway once I was back home we stayed in separate bedrooms and most weekends she went out or stayed with her friend who lives 1 minutes walk from the house. I know what your probably thinking by now and I asked numerous time is there someone else and she said no and I do believe her.
She basically said she was testing me by going out all the time, I did some progress as we had a bit of a laugh together over those few weeks and play fighting and touching (nothing sexual) and slapping each other on the bum but no holding hands, cuddles or kisses etc.
Over the four weeks at home sometimes I would get down and she would sense this and basically see it as if I would be like that if we got back together even those if I had a bit of decent progress like a cuddle I would of been the happiest man in the world.
Over time I got frustrated with the situation as she didn't want to give me an answer to wether she wanted the married or not, she wasn't ready to give it but one I went to touch her back and she pushed away and I said I cant take this anymore and she told me that she "this isn't working and its over then"
I was devastated with the news, broke down, pleaded. I then packed my bags in anger/hurt and said I was leaving, she said "you can stay till you get somewhere sorted" I said no (I should of stayed) and went.
Two days later I asked if I could talk to her and begged her to give it another go, she said ok (still at my mums house) but two weeks later she had enough. Basically she said "ok" not to hurt me.
I asked her if we could go to counselling and she agreed. Within the first 5 minutes she basically said she doesn't want me and its was too late even though I had changed my ways. I was gutted.
The counsellor said it was probably a communication break down as we never solved any of the arguments we had as my wife would always storm off and be ok the next day.
We walked out the the session and I walked her to her car and she said even though I changed she doesn't believe i will if we got back together and I said "its 100% over and theres no going back ever/changing your mind?
She said "I cant say forever because I might release I made a mistake and would want you to get back to you in a few months"????
She also told me she cant think "rational" at the minute and she confused all the time. Yet she willing to end it in that mental state?
p.s
here is a list of things that might be relevant or not:
-She is very angry and hates to go over the same things but she is also contradictory with what she says.
-On a few occasions she told me If i left it would make her think as normally she would never believe I would go. And her also said she wanted me to treat her mean (not direct) but I guess care free attitude.
-she said if the boot was on the other foot she would of left along time ago and made me see what I was missing.
-She's been signed off work by the doctor and she has got migraines which effects her vision. She is on medication which makes her feel tired all the time.
-my wife hates her job at the minute and it puts stress on her.
-She been stressed by college work and cant keep with the deadlines.
-She never showed emotion in the past but recently Ive she tears in her eyes. (Ive wanted to help but she doesn't want it)
-she told me for years when she was younger (6) her mums boyfriend at the time was besoted with her and a few months ago when she was drunk she indirectly told me he abused her. She was the same aged as my daughter is now. She would have nightmares and wake up screaming.
========================================
I love my wife more than anything and I have been through so much hurt but If I wasn't that person in the past I guess it would of turned out like this. She said she has been unhappy for a long time but I honestly never sensed it and she never told me she was unhappy.
Its been four days since I see its properly over and I have now decided to do a 180.
Is there hope for us?
Thanks for having the time to read this...
This is my first post. I going to be honest with what I write, here goes.
I met my wife 11 years ago and we have been married for 7 years and have two children aged 9 and 6. I am 30 and my wife is 29.
We have always had a very close relationship and were very much in love. We struggled with child care when are first child was born and also with money, things were tight and it put a lot of stress on us for years (only the last year we have been ok with money) but we were happy (so I thought).
5 months ago on my wifes birthday, my wife told me she wasn't in love me with anymore (we had a argument before and she snapped). Id never thought I would hear those words from her and I was very very shocked as only 3 days earlier we had a romantic night out together (rare we would go out due to child care). there was never a day prior we never told each other "I love you".
A few days went by and i thought the anger was disappear and we would sort things out. I have never seen anger like this before.
My wife basically said she's going to be 30 next year and she "hasn't done anything with her life". She ask me to move to my mothers house for a week so she can think.
I have been quite controlling and possessive in the past and before when we argued we never resolved things and my wife bottled all these arguments up for years until boom, she told me she didn't know if she wanted to be with me anymore.
That 1 week for her turned into 5 weeks before she said I could come back home but she still didn't know if she wanted to be with me. She said "were trying to see if I want to be with you"
Anyway once I was back home we stayed in separate bedrooms and most weekends she went out or stayed with her friend who lives 1 minutes walk from the house. I know what your probably thinking by now and I asked numerous time is there someone else and she said no and I do believe her.
She basically said she was testing me by going out all the time, I did some progress as we had a bit of a laugh together over those few weeks and play fighting and touching (nothing sexual) and slapping each other on the bum but no holding hands, cuddles or kisses etc.
Over the four weeks at home sometimes I would get down and she would sense this and basically see it as if I would be like that if we got back together even those if I had a bit of decent progress like a cuddle I would of been the happiest man in the world.
Over time I got frustrated with the situation as she didn't want to give me an answer to wether she wanted the married or not, she wasn't ready to give it but one I went to touch her back and she pushed away and I said I cant take this anymore and she told me that she "this isn't working and its over then"
I was devastated with the news, broke down, pleaded. I then packed my bags in anger/hurt and said I was leaving, she said "you can stay till you get somewhere sorted" I said no (I should of stayed) and went.
Two days later I asked if I could talk to her and begged her to give it another go, she said ok (still at my mums house) but two weeks later she had enough. Basically she said "ok" not to hurt me.
I asked her if we could go to counselling and she agreed. Within the first 5 minutes she basically said she doesn't want me and its was too late even though I had changed my ways. I was gutted.
The counsellor said it was probably a communication break down as we never solved any of the arguments we had as my wife would always storm off and be ok the next day.
We walked out the the session and I walked her to her car and she said even though I changed she doesn't believe i will if we got back together and I said "its 100% over and theres no going back ever/changing your mind?
She said "I cant say forever because I might release I made a mistake and would want you to get back to you in a few months"????
She also told me she cant think "rational" at the minute and she confused all the time. Yet she willing to end it in that mental state?
p.s
here is a list of things that might be relevant or not:
-She is very angry and hates to go over the same things but she is also contradictory with what she says.
-On a few occasions she told me If i left it would make her think as normally she would never believe I would go. And her also said she wanted me to treat her mean (not direct) but I guess care free attitude.
-she said if the boot was on the other foot she would of left along time ago and made me see what I was missing.
-She's been signed off work by the doctor and she has got migraines which effects her vision. She is on medication which makes her feel tired all the time.
-my wife hates her job at the minute and it puts stress on her.
-She been stressed by college work and cant keep with the deadlines.
-She never showed emotion in the past but recently Ive she tears in her eyes. (Ive wanted to help but she doesn't want it)
-she told me for years when she was younger (6) her mums boyfriend at the time was besoted with her and a few months ago when she was drunk she indirectly told me he abused her. She was the same aged as my daughter is now. She would have nightmares and wake up screaming.
========================================
I love my wife more than anything and I have been through so much hurt but If I wasn't that person in the past I guess it would of turned out like this. She said she has been unhappy for a long time but I honestly never sensed it and she never told me she was unhappy.
Its been four days since I see its properly over and I have now decided to do a 180.
Is there hope for us?
Thanks for having the time to read this...