My wife and I had been married for almost 18 years as of 2016. We have each been married one other time prior.
Things began to stagnate at about the 10 year mark. I ended up having an online long distance affair with someone from my past. The affiar and I were never physically intimate, though we did fully open ourselves emotionally. We had known each other as children. As a result, my wife and I spent 2 years in couples therapy and another 5 years trying rebuild our marriage. Things were bumpy.
Last year, when all appeared to settle, my wife started an online affair with her junior high crush. They did have sex as teenagers. I never even knew he existed until she started the affair. Several months later she traveled to hook up with him in another state. Simply put, he had his way with her then kicked her to the curb. She kept trying to reconnect with him for several months after that but stopped, partly because he avoided her, and partly because I was putting pressure on her to stop. He had been married for 34 years at the time. He is still married, even after his wife found out. As far as I know, my wife broke contact with him earlier this year (2017).
She has been strangely disconnected from me since then (going on 6 months now). We have sex now and then, and it's always great. We talk about everything imaginable. Our relationship appears to be wide open to each other. But something is still weirdly "off." She has no interest in re-entering couples therapy, though she tells me I'm more than welcome to seek counseling myself. When I attempt to talk about my pain she asks me to "please get over it and try to put it behind us." She says this in a very sympathetic tone, and often gets quiet and cries afterward. Strangely, though, she does not really show any real empathy toward me. It's almost as if she's only sad that he bailed on her?
Her telephone and online chats with me are nearly non-existent, and even when they do occur, they are usually superficial at best, though there are a few exceptions. She is completely immersed in her profession now. When not at work she spends time around the clock, studying and interacting with other women in her field. She posts motivational and inspirational things daily online. She says she's still finding herself. I get that, to an extent.
Though she denies interest in anyone else, I see rare open communications between her and an old high school buddy (a different man than the one she cheated with) from time to time. He lives a few hours away in another state. The communications could be benign, except that she consistently places him as a priority over me when she responds to comments on her threads. The way she repsonds is a bit warmer than with me. She did once refer to him as "hot" two years ago. We've discussed that several times. He is married, but I have recently learned that his wife is an emotional abuser, at least according to what I have been told by my wife. He is not a mutual friend of mine. She doesn't hide her phone from me, but she does keep it locked all the time, using her thumb print for security. She's inconsistent with keeping the tones on or off.
She had been flirty with yet another man from her high school right after her affair, but to my knowledge she dropped him like a hot potato when his intentions became too obvious, and I asked her to cut it off with him.
As far as I know, she had been faithful to me up until her affair last year. Now, it's like I'm married to a completely different woman. I still sense poison. My gut tells me our marriage is already dead, though she cliams she wants us to continue. I want that, too. But things are still not sitting right. If it were not for a severe medical condition that has rendered her nearly immobile, I often wonder whether she would walk out, though she claims she would not?
My confidence is in the toilet. My personal fitness is in the toilet. I have a hard time getting up for work every day. I feel used and unappreciated. I battle the depression by keeping myself busy while she keeps herself busy. Even when we take time to be together several times a week, it still feels awkward. She knows she's distant and has said as much.
Anyhow...
Sorry for the long post. I'm honestly not sure what to think.
Thank you.
Things began to stagnate at about the 10 year mark. I ended up having an online long distance affair with someone from my past. The affiar and I were never physically intimate, though we did fully open ourselves emotionally. We had known each other as children. As a result, my wife and I spent 2 years in couples therapy and another 5 years trying rebuild our marriage. Things were bumpy.
Last year, when all appeared to settle, my wife started an online affair with her junior high crush. They did have sex as teenagers. I never even knew he existed until she started the affair. Several months later she traveled to hook up with him in another state. Simply put, he had his way with her then kicked her to the curb. She kept trying to reconnect with him for several months after that but stopped, partly because he avoided her, and partly because I was putting pressure on her to stop. He had been married for 34 years at the time. He is still married, even after his wife found out. As far as I know, my wife broke contact with him earlier this year (2017).
She has been strangely disconnected from me since then (going on 6 months now). We have sex now and then, and it's always great. We talk about everything imaginable. Our relationship appears to be wide open to each other. But something is still weirdly "off." She has no interest in re-entering couples therapy, though she tells me I'm more than welcome to seek counseling myself. When I attempt to talk about my pain she asks me to "please get over it and try to put it behind us." She says this in a very sympathetic tone, and often gets quiet and cries afterward. Strangely, though, she does not really show any real empathy toward me. It's almost as if she's only sad that he bailed on her?
Her telephone and online chats with me are nearly non-existent, and even when they do occur, they are usually superficial at best, though there are a few exceptions. She is completely immersed in her profession now. When not at work she spends time around the clock, studying and interacting with other women in her field. She posts motivational and inspirational things daily online. She says she's still finding herself. I get that, to an extent.
Though she denies interest in anyone else, I see rare open communications between her and an old high school buddy (a different man than the one she cheated with) from time to time. He lives a few hours away in another state. The communications could be benign, except that she consistently places him as a priority over me when she responds to comments on her threads. The way she repsonds is a bit warmer than with me. She did once refer to him as "hot" two years ago. We've discussed that several times. He is married, but I have recently learned that his wife is an emotional abuser, at least according to what I have been told by my wife. He is not a mutual friend of mine. She doesn't hide her phone from me, but she does keep it locked all the time, using her thumb print for security. She's inconsistent with keeping the tones on or off.
She had been flirty with yet another man from her high school right after her affair, but to my knowledge she dropped him like a hot potato when his intentions became too obvious, and I asked her to cut it off with him.
As far as I know, she had been faithful to me up until her affair last year. Now, it's like I'm married to a completely different woman. I still sense poison. My gut tells me our marriage is already dead, though she cliams she wants us to continue. I want that, too. But things are still not sitting right. If it were not for a severe medical condition that has rendered her nearly immobile, I often wonder whether she would walk out, though she claims she would not?
My confidence is in the toilet. My personal fitness is in the toilet. I have a hard time getting up for work every day. I feel used and unappreciated. I battle the depression by keeping myself busy while she keeps herself busy. Even when we take time to be together several times a week, it still feels awkward. She knows she's distant and has said as much.
Anyhow...
Sorry for the long post. I'm honestly not sure what to think.
Thank you.
