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Hi all,

I and my wife are together for 8 years (3years married). I am 30 and she's 28. Recently she told that she's not in love with me anymore and wants the divorce. Unfortunately, I noticed coldness last few years but ignored it. She mentioned a few times she feels more with the friend with me than with a man... I know I have not been an ideal man but my situation is way worse than hers, as I am feeling left alone and she is getting better and looking in the future. We don't have kids. I wanted it for already a few years, but she didn't.

Maybe it looks like my wife is a *****, but I do blame my self here for being too sensitive, insecure, instead of being more masculine, manly. I started these changes being more confident, working on myself, my goals but it seems she's not interested and she is getting away every day. We still live together, and we agreed to take 3 months as a trial period to see if anything comes up, but she mentioned she is losing all hopes every day and feels more and more unattached to me and my feelings.

I'm not crying, begging here or anything, trying to stay positive, take her somewhere to do fun stuff, etc, but it's not working.

I'm not expecting you would understand my situation, but it feels a bit better to share it with you guys.
 

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Many will understand and share similar stories here, empathize with you, it's an age old story.

And you'll get the best advice which is now, concentrate on you, not W, and get ready for your new better future life.

Better to D now than later.

Buck up, it will be hard, but you can do it.

If you share a little more, some advice will be better tailored for you but only as your comfortable sharing.

You'll find more details better discourse here. And folks aren't shy in conversing which is helpful.

Best,
 

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You received the famous fatal speech, ILYBNILWY and it's over.

Sorry your playing the pick me dance. And it never ever works. You subconsciously doing this and it lowers you value as your wife sees it. She's found someone who is thrilling and exciting, and your just in the way. You need to man up do the 180* and get ready for divorce.

She has prepared herself in this way and you should do the same. You had your shot and as for her getting better looking, is this why your trying to hang on? You are being seen as weak by her and she is rather repulsive by this, and is using this feeling as justification to move emotionally away.

Keep your pride and your backbone intact, just file!! Get your shark lawyer and end this train crash. Or you will linger for as long as she can use you your just as a ATM, until her ducks are aligned.
 

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The best thing you can do at this point is concentrate on yourself. You cannot change what your W does or feels so change the only thing you have control over, yourself. Hit the gym, get a hobby, etc. Improve yourself. Prepare for your new life. It will be hard and there will be painful times ahead but you WILL get thru this. There are a lot of us here that have been in your shoes and we can help you
 

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The best thing you can do at this point is concentrate on yourself. You cannot change what your W does or feels so change the only thing you have control over, yourself. Hit the gym, get a hobby, etc. Improve yourself. Prepare for your new life. It will be hard and there will be painful times ahead but you WILL get thru this. There are a lot of us here that have been in your shoes and we can help you
Listen and believe Numb26, read his challenge. He's a rock and you can be also.
 

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trying to stay positive, take her somewhere to do fun stuff, etc, but it's not working.
And, it will continue not working. Your wife has put you in the "friend zone".

I'm not expecting you would understand my situation
You're kidding, right ??

There are at least a dozen guys on here who understand your situation perfectly. Some of them moved on from the marriage and found new partners. Others didn't.

The horrible thing you find out at the end of the friend zone (that's when you tell her to go in her own jack yard and back off) is that you were ALWAYS in the friend zone.
She married you for your "qualities"....ability to provide, good "father material", stability, white-picket-fence-and-2.4-kids, etc..... and she thought she could learn to be
attracted to you, or she could "change" you into being the alpha male she wanted, while having a good marital partner.

Like @Tilted 1 said, your wife is likely to have found someone she feels attracted to. If it is not already at that stage, the stage coming is when she decides to "cake eat".... to keep you for stability and security, and have excitement and fun with the OM. The OM usually "wins", because he doesn't have to be good husband, "father material", "provider", etc. He can only be a "fun" guy...... but you have the responsibility.....
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I can share more folks, thanks for listening. She said some really hurting words for me recently, and just a few days ago I told her that I don't want to hear anything related topic about other men, what disrespects my feelings as husband and human being. She apologized and I haven't heard anything now. But that doesn't change the situation. I've ****ed up guys, there's a reason I made her for my wife, as she is/was a great woman. That kind of woman, where the other guys just can't resist how beautiful she is. She enjoys the attention and I've worked a lot on my jealousness, so at least I improved somewhere. The sad thing is that I allowed myself to get in this ****ing situation, where I almost feel my heart and brains exploding. Tomorrow I have a call with a psychologist, as probably everyone will do anything to make themselves better. And on top is this Corona Virus Quaratined time. We can't hide from each other, still sleeping in one bed... Can't do anything. Not sure how to live life with her. I'm going to be polite - neutral, even though I do understand that from that she will feel better, as she will believe I'm doing better and not that anymore in love with her, which is not the case for me. I am/will be bleeding inside. Thanks for reading this post.
 

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Thanks. what you say is probably correct. You know I feel that I've been beaten in life so hard now. To be honest, I have a good life, never complained about attention from women, have a solid financial background, feeling smart enough to do my own things and take care of my love ones, but this moment is so hard. And you know what hurts the most, is that we were at that stage when we would try out kids, and now all gone. I'm 30, not feeling that young again. Not sure why, but the instinct of having something after me is now so strong and I know this will be delayed a lot. I've no doubts that she will find someone and in a year or two from now will have a baby... that is so hard to accept when you were with the person for 8 years.s
 

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I can share more folks, thanks for listening. She said some really hurting words for me recently, and just a few days ago I told her that I don't want to hear anything related topic about other men, what disrespects my feelings as husband and human being. She apologized and I haven't heard anything now. But that doesn't change the situation. I've ****ed up guys, there's a reason I made her for my wife, as she is/was a great woman. That kind of woman, where the other guys just can't resist how beautiful she is. She enjoys the attention and I've worked a lot on my jealousness, so at least I improved somewhere. The sad thing is that I allowed myself to get in this ****ing situation, where I almost feel my heart and brains exploding. Tomorrow I have a call with a psychologist, as probably everyone will do anything to make themselves better. And on top is this Corona Virus Quaratined time. We can't hide from each other, still sleeping in one bed... Can't do anything. Not sure how to live life with her. I'm going to be polite - neutral, even though I do understand that from that she will feel better, as she will believe I'm doing better and not that anymore in love with her, which is not the case for me. I am/will be bleeding inside. Thanks for reading this post.
Yes, this quarantine will make it hard but the first thing you need to do is STOP sleeping in the same bed. She has made it clear that she no longer wants you so why are you punishing yourself? Distance yourself as much as possible (I know it will be hard being in the same house but try).

She is playing mind games with you if she is talking about other men to you. That is disrespectful and I am glad you called her out on it.

You need to call a lawyer. ASAP You need to get ahead of this before it starts to snowball.
 

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Thanks. what you say is probably correct. You know I feel that I've been beaten in life so hard now. To be honest, I have a good life, never complained about attention from women, have a solid financial background, feeling smart enough to do my own things and take care of my love ones, but this moment is so hard. And you know what hurts the most, is that we were at that stage when we would try out kids, and now all gone. I'm 30, not feeling that young again. Not sure why, but the instinct of having something after me is now so strong and I know this will be delayed a lot. I've no doubts that she will find someone and in a year or two from now will have a baby... that is so hard to accept when you were with the person for 8 years.s
Consider yourself lucky that there are no kids involved. Makes getting a D so much easier. And unfortunately, she already has somebody else. She wouldn't have made this move unless she had something on standby
 

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And, it will continue not working. Your wife has put you in the "friend zone".



You're kidding, right ??

There are at least a dozen guys on here who understand your situation perfectly. Some of them moved on from the marriage and found new partners. Others didn't.

The horrible thing you find out at the end of the friend zone (that's when you tell her to go in her own jack yard and back off) is that you were ALWAYS in the friend zone.
She married you for your "qualities"....ability to provide, good "father material", stability, white-picket-fence-and-2.4-kids, etc..... and she thought she could learn to be
attracted to you, or she could "change" you into being the alpha male she wanted, while having a good marital partner.

Like @Tilted 1 said, your wife is likely to have found someone she feels attracted to. If it is not already at that stage, the stage coming is when she decides to "cake eat".... to keep you for stability and security, and have excitement and fun with the OM. The OM usually "wins", because he doesn't have to be good husband, "father material", "provider", etc. He can only be a "fun" guy...... but you have the responsibility.....
Hey man, tell me what you're offering. What should I do? I'm almost accepted that I'm lost her. My one side is saying to try, and another to put hands down. The reason where I'm in life now is that I never give up. That's against me.
 

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I can share more folks, thanks for listening. She said some really hurting words for me recently,
Journal what was said. You need to keep a history so she can't gaslight you

and just a few days ago I told her that I don't want to hear anything related topic about other men, what disrespects my feelings as husband and human being.
Good or about time. Not sure which applies.


there's a reason I made her for my wife, as she is/was a great woman.
Stop. You are pontificating about a vision you had about this person


That kind of woman, where the other guys just can't resist how beautiful she is. She enjoys the attention and I've worked a lot on my jealousness, so at least I improved somewhere.
Stop.
Why even have this thought?
You've done few things here:
1) You made her an object of want and desire
2) You made yourself fail "how could she want me if all other guys want her because of her beauty"


The sad thing is that I allowed myself to get in this ****ing situation, where I almost feel my heart and brains exploding.
True. We allow other to treat us the way that they do.

Tomorrow I have a call with a psychologist, as probably everyone will do anything to make themselves better.
Good!

And on top is this Corona Virus Quaratined time. We can't hide from each other,
Yes you can.
Unless you live in a 1 room studio, you can make an effort to not be around each other.


still sleeping in one bed... Can't do anything.
This has to change.
You hit the couch.
She hits the couch.
Sleeping together changes.


Not sure how to live life with her.
Sure you do.
You are now room mates in a lease neither of you can break for some period of time.

1) 180 - your life now depends on it
2) Lawyer. You need to know your rights
3) Counselor for you (Done).
4) Eat.
5) Sleep (at least 8 hours a night if possible)
6) Drink water (avoid alcohol at this point, it won't help)
7) Get to gym and start working out - it helps the body, the mind, and the soul - Since you are in lock down, order some weights from amazon. Go run outside
8) Start to separate funds - again, since you are in lock down, this may take some time.


Hey man, tell me what you're offering. What should I do? I'm almost accepted that I'm lost her. My one side is saying to try, and another to put hands down. The reason where I'm in life now is that I never give up. That's against me.
That's great that you never give up.
That's a good quality, until it's not.


She has made it clear that she is done.
She's made it clear, per your own admission, for several years.

She's told you what she wants - a divorce.
Believe her when she says this.

There's no reason to keep skating uphill now.

She's had several years to detach.
This is going to get real bad for you if you don't start believing her and making changes to yourself.
 

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I can share more folks, thanks for listening. She said some really hurting words for me recently, and just a few days ago I told her that I don't want to hear anything related topic about other men, what disrespects my feelings as husband and human being. .
Use this as your strength to move forward and out. Don't swim in the lake of pain. Move forward.
 

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Guys, this is almost the only place on the internet, which gives such thoughts... All youtube, google is full of stories and advises how to be more masculine, and get your wife to love you again, or get your ex back. Leave the friendzone and be manly again for your girlfriend/wife. Seems you guys don't believe in that ****... I should probably do the same...
 

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The reason why we've experience what you are going through and want you to save yourself the pain and misery, of losing your backbone in the process.
 

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But what you said could hold up if your wife RESPECTED YOU!! she doesn't and she's checked out the ladies here will soon be here and tell you the same most likely.
 

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There's an old saying: "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you it's yours. If it doesn't, it was never meant to be."
The best course of action for you now is to utilize the concepts of shock and awe to your advantage.
Without delay, research and swiftly implement the 180. Go full force. Show no mercy. Use that time to assess and formulate your game plan.
Lawyer up! Have her served at work. Take control of the situation. Reclaim your agency.
At that point, you will know if you have anything to work with. If she shows any remorse or true sorrow, you may have a chance. At that point, if she has any interest in remaining married, tell her it is incumbent upon her to win you back and do her part to work on and repair/correct the marital problems.
If she doesn't care, let the process take its course.
 

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Guys, this is almost the only place on the internet, which gives such thoughts... All youtube, google is full of stories and advises how to be more masculine, and get your wife to love you again, or get your ex back. Leave the friendzone and be manly again for your girlfriend/wife. Seems you guys don't believe in that ****... I should probably do the same...
Why would you want to be with a woman who disrespected you and made it clear that you aren't her choice? These are many other women out there that will. It's time to pick yourself up and treat yourself better. You are not a doormat, quit letting her treat you as one.
 

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Hello, @Venon

Sorry, you find yourself in this situation. You seem to know you need to address yourself before you address the relationship. It would be helpful to remember you only have control over yourself and not what she does or feels. Work on yourself exclusively and not worry whether she cares or not. You are responsible for your happiness, not her.

Here is some reading and there is more in my signature... No More Mr. Nice Guy and The Subtle Art of Not Giving a ****

It's about loving yourself, not about getting anyone else to love you.

Best
 
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