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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Long time lurker, first time posting my issue. So my wife and I have had quite a roller coaster over the past 16 years. I am 36 and she is 32, and we have 3 kids. My problem is that she would rather be on her Iphone reading facebook or playing games, or pintrest rather than being intimate with me. I do not know what else I can do. I share the household responsibilities and take care of all the outside work and the vehicles. I also go get the groceries and I get her cigs and beer when she needs them. So, I am doing my share and then some. I kind thought she may be cheating or having an emotional affair, but I have done some digging but turned up nothing. I have tried talking to her about this, and she directs it to “oh, something else that’s wrong with me huh?” I don’t know what else to do. I tried to initiate sex the other night, but she told me that she would rather go to sleep because she had to get up early the next morning. But instead of lying down and going to sleep, she laid down and got on her phone, read some facebook, played some games, then tried going to sleep. This took her about 40 minutes. It really hurt my feelings to be reduced to that level.

She can spend hours on her phone and when something needs done, she will ask me to do it. Today, I am at work, and although it may be wrong, I set up our home security camera inside the house pointed toward the kitchen table (her fav spot to be on her phone) and she has been there since 7:45am, and its now 11:30 am. She sends me a message that says, hey, if I make a grocery list, can you go to walmart when you get off? I am just fed up with it.
 

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You have to rethink your entire way of operating.

She set up your life so that she calls the shots, gets you to do everything, gets to do whatever she wants to do, and keeps you jumping through these hoops by denying sex.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
This is true, but what do I say when she lays down in the bed and whips out the phone? "hey babe, put that phone down and blow me..." It's not that I mind doing stuff, I just am thinking if I quit, she will just get mad and withhold hit altogether. Typically, we are only having sex about once a month, and if I never hinted or said anything about sex, she wouldnt initiate either.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
So should I make myself less available after I get off work? She works too, but is on her christmas break.
 

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Okay its probably not that her phone is sooo interesting. She's just distracting herself from you. Shed rather be in her own little world than to spend any time with you.

-She's not interested in holding up her end chores wise
-She's not treating you with respect.
-And regardless of what she may say to appease you she is NOT attracted to you.

Have you ever asked her why she feels the need to check out of your marriage?

Have you ever asked her if she's satisfied in the bedroom? Or even if she stills finds you physically attractive?
 

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This is true, but what do I say when she lays down in the bed and whips out the phone? "hey babe, put that phone down and blow me..." It's not that I mind doing stuff, I just am thinking if I quit, she will just get mad and withhold hit altogether. Typically, we are only having sex about once a month, and if I never hinted or said anything about sex, she wouldnt initiate either.
You don't have to be a jerk about it, but be honest. "I thought you said you were to tired for sex, but you've been on the phone for 40 minutes..."

This makes her aware that you've noticed, and it also makes her responsible for her actions. She has to own it, and either she has to explain why (likely no good explanation) or she'll have to admit you're right (likely by not responding or by getting mad).

I think you are likely jumping through hoops for sex. i was there, I did that. Don't do that. Remember, when your life's over and you have to look back on it, you want to respect yourself.

If she's sitting around the house all day doing nothing but reading her iPhone, tell her that she has enough time in the dayt o go to Wal-Mart that she can do it. Heck, she can do both at the same time.
 
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So should I make myself less available after I get off work? She works too, but is on her christmas break.
Why not just start doing 'you' stuff? Why are you making yourself so available to her when she's not to you?

Start go out with friends, or take up a hobby or something. If she's not helping you enjoy life, go do stuff that does.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Okay its probably not that her phone is sooo interesting. She's just distracting herself from you. Shed rather be in her own little world than to spend any time with you.

-She's not interested in holding up her end chores wise
-She's not treating you with respect.
-And regardless of what she may say to appease you she is NOT attracted to you.

Have you ever asked her why she feels the need to check out of your marriage?

Have you ever asked her if she's satisfied in the bedroom? Or even if she stills finds you physically attractive?
Strange that you ask this, but yes I did tell her about a month ago that I didnt think she was physically or sexually attracted to me. Her response was that she isnt physcially or sexually attracted to anyone. I felt like my heart was pulled out of my ass. I used to spend a lot of time on a PC game, but gave it up because I saw that it was interfering with my relationship with kids and wife. But all that has changed now. She is satisfied in the bedroom. I can get her to orgasm everytime by clit and the other day, I gave her a g spot orgasm, she didnt even know what happened. It was with my fingers though. I have not asked her why she feels the need to check out of the marriage.
 

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Strange that you ask this, but yes I did tell her about a month ago that I didnt think she was physically or sexually attracted to me. Her response was that she isnt physcially or sexually attracted to anyone. I felt like my heart was pulled out of my ass. I used to spend a lot of time on a PC game, but gave it up because I saw that it was interfering with my relationship with kids and wife. But all that has changed now. She is satisfied in the bedroom. I can get her to orgasm everytime by clit and the other day, I gave her a g spot orgasm, she didnt even know what happened. It was with my fingers though. I have not asked her why she feels the need to check out of the marriage.
I'll bet you orgasm everytime you have sex too. Are you satisfied?
 

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Don't play games.

First you need to have a rule in your life... "The Iphone has no place in our bedroom".

Make rules and live by them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Why not just start doing 'you' stuff? Why are you making yourself so available to her when she's not to you?

Start go out with friends, or take up a hobby or something. If she's helping you enjoy life, go do stuff that does.
I did so because I once wasnt helping out as much as I needed to, but now I do more than my equal share, and it's a habit I formed I guess. I have started going out more, and I am getting back into my hotrod again. Good advice man, thanks.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I'll bet you orgasm everytime you have sex too. Are you satisfied?
lol, ok, well, no I am not. Basically because I do all the foreplay on her and I get none really. She used to do oral, she used to do hand jobs, but over that past few years, they have become none existent.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Don't play games.

First you need to have a rule in your life... "The Iphone has no place in our bedroom".

Make rules and live by them.
I like this, but then I think she may not ever come to bed! Joking aside, how the hell do I even start that conversation with her?
 

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lol, ok, well, no I am not. Basically because I do all the foreplay on her and I get none really. She used to do oral, she used to do hand jobs, but over that past few years, they have become none existent.
That's kind of my point.

I'm not saying your wife is lying here, but entertain the thought that she's just telling you what you want to hear in order to get off the topic. She may not even want to have sex with you, but she'll tell you things are great just to get you to stop asking about it.

That's why it's good to 'man up' so to speak. Just start doing your things. Make sure you speand time with her and the kids and do your fair share around the house, but start making time for your friends, your hobbies, your desires too. And stand up to her if you think she's demanding to much from you (like sitting around the house and telling you to go to Wal-Mart). Stand your ground and demand what's fair by your actions, not your words. She'll argue with youif you say it, so just do it.

Also, hit the gym, work out, and start taking care of yourself and start having a genarally positive attitude. It's hard, I know, but try to do it. You'll show a different, and more positive you, and she may feel the need to up her game to match yours. Often, that'll increase the sexual frequency, desire and possibly the variety.
 
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she directs it to “oh, something else that’s wrong with me huh?”
Is this in reference to you asking her not to be so into her iphone, facebook, pintrest ...et. al? Or does this possibly stem from something deeper? Is sex the only battle for you or are there several other things you request of her? Like, why don't you cook more, when you do this I wish you would do it this way, you should dress up more, don't make that for dinner, Can you rub my back, can you wash my shirts tonight and not tomorrow....

hey, if I make a grocery list, can you go to walmart when you get off?
How would this response go for that text? :p
Yes Honey, Awesome!! Sounds like fun! How would you like to get me off? I'd love a blow job!


But instead of lying down and going to sleep, she laid down and got on her phone, read some facebook, played some games, then tried going to sleep.
Sounds like a perfect opportunity to pull out the Ipad or Laptop.(if you have one)... Type in the address bar: youporn.com or redtube.com, or pornhub.com. She has hobbies, so can you. It's the "two wrongs" theory.
Ok, maybe not.

 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Is this in reference to you asking her not to be so into her iphone, facebook, pintrest ...et. al? Or does this possibly stem from something deeper? Is sex the only battle for you or are there several other things you request of her? Like, why don't you cook more, when you do this I wish you would do it this way, you should dress up more, don't make that for dinner, Can you rub my back, can you wash my shirts tonight and not tomorrow....

I told her that I was concerned about her health and that her smoking and drinking could be contributing to her lack of sleep, feeling tired throughout the day, feeling more stressed, etc. She interpreted that as me sayin she drank and smoked too much and therefore I was explaining what I saw "wrong" with her.....



How would this response go for that text? :p
Yes Honey, Awesome!! Sounds like fun! How would you like to get me off? I'd love a blow job!


I have tried the suggestive texting, she didnt go for it, and got a little upset. Did I care that she was upset, no, I wont apologize for what I want...



Sounds like a perfect opportunity to pull out the Ipad or Laptop.(if you have one)... Type in the address bar: youporn.com or redtube.com, or pornhub.com. She has hobbies, so can you. It's the "two wrongs" theory.
Ok, maybe not.

Yes I have a laptop that is next to my bed, I carry it from home to work everyday. As soon as she comes to bed, I put it away as a sign of respect, but that does not get reciprocated back to me.
 

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I have tried talking to her about this, and she directs it to “oh, something else that’s wrong with me huh?”
This says a lot... probably a lot of what you're not telling us.

What else is wrong in the marriage? What are you NOT doing that has her more interested in something else?

I'm not saying it's your fault, but there's more here than her being on the phone.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
This says a lot... probably a lot of what you're not telling us.

What else is wrong in the marriage? What are you NOT doing that has her more interested in something else?

I'm not saying it's your fault, but there's more here than her being on the phone.
Chris, I had just posted that in the my post prior to yours. I started noticing that she was drinking a little much. She says its a stress releiver and calms her down, so does her smoking. She says she can slow down or stop when she wants. Since talking to her about it, she has began to have days when she didnt drink at all, or days when she may have one or two instead of 4-5. Me telling her about her Iphone was met with her explaining to me that it was her "hobby" and a stress reliever, and it must be yet another thing that is "wrong" with her.
 

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Tell her sex is a much more active hobby you both can enjoy and IS most definitely a stress reliever.
 
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