[z3r0ext]

Hello people.
Nice to meet you.
In a early occasion I knew this forum due to one relationship crysis, but I didn't post here.
Now the issue arouse again and for this reason I think it would be very valuable to me hear from this forum.

We're not officially maried (we have plans to so), but we're living together for 2 years. About one year ago she started complaining that I'm not creative enough. I'm not creative on the way we do casual activities or home tasks, despite my effort to work on this "issue" and innovate things and way to do things together.

Another recurring issue is that she always complaining about my opinions. I starting to think she don't accept them. According to her, I don't know how to give good advices, I don't lead the house, I'm not this, and that.

I'm starting to get tired of this, and despite I love her very much, this is not working. I tried to talk to her several times, but I don't seen to work.

Now she's in her mothers house, but will get back tonight, because it's better to stay here in our house because is closer to her university, but if it wasn't for this, she would rather stay there.

I also think see has low-steem. I think is worth saying that I lost all my old friends to this relationship. She don't even accept me to have my friend in social midias sites, like facebook.

The fact is that I considered breaking several times, but I always think of the fact she don't have one friend here in this city where we live. I know this can't be a reason for us to stay together, based on pitch, but this really confuses me so much.

Well, sorry for the long post.
Thanks in advance for the help.

 

[endlessgrief]

Welcome to TAM! We get pretty honest and blunt in here, so hold on to your hat.

If you are having doubts and are unhappy now, just think how you will feel years from now. It sounds like she likes to put you down and raise herself up. She is bullying you and if you try to go up against her and tell her she is hurting you, she will probably turn it into YOUR fault.

She seems to like to tell you everything that is wrong with you. This is verbal abuse. Just because she is not slapping you, she is hurting you deep inside.

Couples should have mutual respect and it sounds like she doesn't respect you. Please keep in mind that what she says are your faults are not necessarily true.

I know you love her, but do you love the woman she was when you first met? Are you holding on thinking she will stop this behavior if you do as she wishes and change yourself?

Take some time for yourself and do some soul searching. Are you sure you want to spend the rest of your life being treated like this? I have seen many men with wives like your wife and they all end up bitter old men who are afraid to speak up because their wives beat them down so much they lose their own identity. You don't want that for yourself.

 

[KathyBatesel]

It sounds like you two are in a power struggle. The things she is complaining about aren't what she is really mad at. She is mad because she feels unhappy with herself and the way she doesn't feel like she has enough control of her life. It would be easiest if she can get that feeling of power by complaining about you and what you do.

Try to remind her that she can make herself happy or she can make herself miserable. Nothing you do will change how she feels.

 

[costa200]

We're not officially maried (we have plans to so), but we're living together for 2 years. About one year ago she started complaining that I'm not creative enough. I'm not creative on the way we do casual activities or home tasks, despite my effort to work on this "issue" and innovate things and way to do things together.

Are you some sort of tamed ape that has a purpose in life of keeping her entertained? You chasing her around and bending all over for her and she still not happy? Guess what, it is connected to this:

Another recurring issue is that she always complaining about my opinions. I starting to think she don't accept them. According to her, I don't know how to give good advices, I don't lead the house, I'm not this, and that.

In your attempts to please her you are failing her sh!t tests and she is losing attraction to you and is becoming increasingly unhappy with you. You need to stop doing it and make her work for it. If she doesn't she is too far gone and you're happier with another person (just don't replicate the dynamics).

Think of her like a cat. This cat chased a toy and when it got the toy it lost interest. Toy isn't interesting unless it keeps moving and being unpredictable.

When she says you're not "creative" enough it just means she doesn't feel challenged. Doesn't mean you should pamper her more, which i'm pretty sure is the route you have been taking!

 

[45188]

Agree with the first 2 posters. By the way, I get creative by typing things into google images. Like "Decorating ideas" "Kids room ideas" "Decal ideas" stuff like that..

She's unhappy with herself and until SHE figures out why she'll pull you down with her. You need to sit her down and tell her just how bad the situation has gotten. Communication is a MUST.