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Wife co-ordinates costume with coworker

19K views 133 replies 41 participants last post by  oldtruck 
#1 ·
Hey all,
My wife and a male coworker coordinated costumes together from the same movie. The rest of her coworkers had different movie characters. No one else coordinated from the same movie.

I've had suspicions of something going on with my wife but not sure with who. She has very little free time as we have 2 toddlers. Although I work shift work and she would be available on when I'm on nights. She has .5-1hr lunch breaks and he lives close by.

Should I be worried?
 
#2 ·
You're here because you already know the answer to that.
 
#4 ·
Why is she going out without you?
Don't you know i huge number of affairs start from girls night out?
Take it from a old man who's been where you are at 25 years ago....Go out together. Have the same friends.

Checked out how??

"My wife and a male coworker"....famous last words of a broken betrayed husband.
 
#5 ·
The best results are generally obtained when you keep your suspicions to yourself, act as if nothing is going on while you quietly observe. Make all possible efforts to review the contents of her phone, and if she does use a computer, you will need to see where she has been and what she has been seeing. There are plenty of resources here on the site. There is an investigative technique thread by a poster named Weightlifter. Other posters can give you guidance. Take every piece of advice.
 
#10 ·
Yeah, you would think that this is reasonable... But no...

She, he, thinks that they are so cool, so discreet that they can have fun coordinating costumes and "No one" will be the wiser...

Except like teenagers, they are stupid at this point and of course in Lurve....

So like tax man said, check out the standard evidence post. You should start by checking your phone bill and see who she is calling all the time, and texting. You should def plant a VAR where she talks on the phone the most and in her car (Voice Activated Recorder).

She could be screwing around. Is she protective of her cell phone? Keep it with her all the time?
 
#98 ·
This is a blatant attempt at misdirection. Trying to hide in plain sight. Keep your eyes open and mouth shut. Get the evidence, and then strike. Do not confront until you have solid evidence. You know damn good and well what is going on or you would not be posting here.
 
#9 ·
People hide things in the beginning, later on tend to flaunt it in public more often.
Some cheaters don't really care who knows.
Because she's doing it out in the open might very well be hidden in plain sight.
There's nothing harmless about a wife that harms her husband enough for him to seek out answers here.

Listen to Taxman. He's right also.
 
#16 ·
I shared a pic of just me and a male coworker in our Halloween costumes with my bf.

I can promise everyone that absolutely nothing is going on with this coworker.

It's Halloween.....and bf didn't care. He likes seeing what goes on at my job.

We'd talked about coordinating but didn't get around to it, but he sits by me and not many dressed up.....so we got a picture.

I really hope there's more then just a stupid Halloween picture to send the gallery into affair paranoia.
 
#19 ·
I shared a pic of just me and a male coworker in our Halloween costumes with my bf.

I can promise everyone that absolutely nothing is going on with this coworker.

It's Halloween.....and bf didn't care. He likes seeing what goes on at my job.

We'd talked about coordinating but didn't get around to it, but he sits by me and not many dressed up.....so we got a picture.

I really hope there's more then just a stupid Halloween picture to send the gallery into affair paranoia.
Nope, ain't gonna happen on TAM! :surprise:

Many feel it is their duty to flip over every rock, looking for clues, some for phishing worms, some, just because they can. :|

Then again, most posters 'want' to hear all the possibilities. :smile2:
..................................................................................................

I agree, the information given so far is rather thin.

I also know that thin quickly turns to chubby when warm facts and warm blood shows up. :surprise:

TAM facts seem to quickly come out of the woodwork like angry termites. By the second or third page, all early thoughts are normally confirmed.
Past history is a good indicator of any similar future.

.................................................................................................

Check her phone for any numbers called or received that you do not know (about). Run a phone check, pay the few bucks, each.

.................................................................................................


If more red flags pop up.....

Ah, here it comes.....buy a voice activated recorder from Best Buy (Sony Brand). Place it where she normally sits when she is relaxing.
Expect any activity to occur after the children go to bed.

If she texts and does not talk on the phone, you will have to dig differently.



KB-
 
#18 ·
It may just be my paranoia. The marriage has been rough since we had kids. Sex has dwindled. Could just be because of the kids. Never doubted her before the kids. Around a year after kids she would throw out comments that i was cheating or that i would in a "joking fashion" . Seemed weird but got me suspicious. 2 years later I still wonder. He only started a year ago so that doesn't exactly line up.
 
#26 ·
It may just be my paranoia. The marriage has been rough since we had kids. Sex has dwindled. Could just be because of the kids. Never doubted her before the kids. Around a year after kids she would throw out comments that i was cheating or that i would in a "joking fashion" . Seemed weird but got me suspicious. 2 years later I still wonder. He only started a year ago so that doesn't exactly line up.
This IS a Red Flag.

Asking you if you are cheating is called 'projecting', her saying those things that are presently occupying 'her' thoughts.
If she can think cheating, or actually commit adultery, you likely are doing it also, or at minimum contemplating it.

Her comment "I would" says it all.

It means, I have, or am thinking about it, or have cheated.

Or, it is a poop test to check out your true thoughts and actual/potential loyalty.

If she can get you to admit that "You would, ALSO" cheat is the excuse she needs to actually do it. Or, to get over any guilt she may feel.

The coworker being there only one year is plenty of time to develop into an emotional affair. Hell, two weeks sometimes does it.

No wife or husband should find themselves having less or no sex. That in itself becomes a dark and lonely Red Flag when a hungry, horny spouse lays in bed.



King Brian-
 
#20 ·
In the early stages of a "work husband" relationship your W knows it is mildly inappropriate, yet she enjoys it. To relieve her guilt she will let you know about it as if that helps to make it acceptable or innocent.

So for now keep your eyes open and your mouth shut, what you do not want is for your W to take it underground, and this is really easy to do at work.

Do they text alot?

Do some research on the OM how often he changes jobs etc, how many times he was married.

It's best if your W thinks you are in the dark.

Classically these types of relationships feed off of compliments or mutual complaints about their spouses, the OM may also be fishing for sympathy from your W talking about his life, because she understands him.
 
#29 ·
Jay
Long time client's wife kept making jokes about him screwing around on her. He disliked it and reminded her constantly that jokes contain a modicum of truth. Sooooooo, when the frequency and tenor of the jabs increased, he could tell. It made him vigilant enough to take some liberties with her privacy. Those minor liberties grew into engagement of a PI. He waited patiently for her to make one more jab. That was all it took. She was handed a sheaf of paper. In it was damning evidence. She wanted to know what made him catch on? He blithely told her that her little jabs got under his skin, so he decided that a few thou spent on a PI was a good thing. It sure was. They were recently re-resident in the southern US. He decided to sue her for divorce in their new area. He did it on our recommendation. We had him set up with professionals nearby in the course of one afternoon. It is a slam dunk. Oh, the new state? It is an at fault state. She is NOT getting support, or any of their assets for that matter. She has said that we out-maneuvered her. Oh, sorry, my heart just bleeds.
 
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