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Discussion Starter #41
This is a hard step but you can do it.

It's now all about you and making your single life better. Future you will thank today's you for just ignoring her crap. There's no logic, common sense, or rationalizing her actions now, just ignore it.

Best,
Thank you. I know I’d go crazy trying to figure out what she’s thinking/doing right now. I guess she has to deal with the guilt some way.
 

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It doesn’t matter why she does what she does. She may not even know. Tell yourself it doesn’t matter because it doesn’t. Your job is to move on.
 

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You’re wasting your own mental energy and sanity.

She may not feel much guilt. Most cheaters don’t.
I agree. Must cheaters rationalize their horrid behavior by demonizing their spouse. They’ll come up with lots of examples of every single negative thing their spouse has ever done and bombard their friends as if these horrid things were a constant occurrence, wowing them and causing them to say all kinds of things. The cheater now feels justified in their actions and no guilt.

cheaters spin everything.... I never loved you, have been out of love with you for years, etc etc. it’s all BS that helps them relieve their guilt. Don’t listen to any of it.
 

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Discussion Starter #45
I agree. Must cheaters rationalize their horrid behavior by demonizing their spouse. They’ll come up with lots of examples of every single negative thing their spouse has ever done and bombard their friends as if these horrid things were a constant occurrence, wowing them and causing them to say all kinds of things. The cheater now feels justified in their actions and no guilt.

cheaters spin everything.... I never loved you, have been out of love with you for years, etc etc. it’s all BS that helps them relieve their guilt. Don’t listen to any of it.
Thanks
 

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Discussion Starter #46
Well she’s already trying to bring her new bf down to her parents house (we aren’t divorced yet) She wants them to “try” with him. They told her no way of course. He wants to come down and “talk” to her dad about what’s going on. 😂

I know this isn’t important but I thought it was funny and shows how much of fairytale land she’s in
 

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Discussion Starter #47
Well her and her new "man" aren't spending Thanksgiving together lol. Seems like another red flag she's overlooking. She told her mom last week that she doesn't hate me and she would still do anything she could if I asked her to. LOL WHY
 

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Well her and her new "man" aren't spending Thanksgiving together lol. Seems like another red flag she's overlooking. She told her mom last week that she doesn't hate me and she would still do anything she could if I asked her to. LOL WHY
Well, if you're looking for an exhaustive list, don't think I can provide that, but if I were to guess:

She's starting to realize how she blew up her life, and wants to try and repair what will be the remains of it. The degree to which she realizes though is anyone's guess. She may want to keep a foot in both camps, you as the husband, him as the lover? Or she wants to return completely. And if I were to guess, hope constant sex will win you back.
Or maybe she met with her lawyer and realized (based on what you said) that she doesn't have the claim she thought she did. Her lawyer only told her what she wanted to hear, because he wanted to rack up those billable hours.
The OM could also be a problem. Not spending Thanksgiving together is a big red flag, especially if he lives with his parents (can't remember if you said this was the case or not), perhaps they told him they don't want her at Thanksgiving? Or he's spending it with his actual girlfriend? Or he is just one of those terrible human beings that hooks up with whoever he can find, and stays with them until he gets bored and moves on.

The list goes on and on for the reasons. I'm sure you have a much better idea than I do.
 

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Well her and her new "man" aren't spending Thanksgiving together lol. Seems like another red flag she's overlooking. She told her mom last week that she doesn't hate me and she would still do anything she could if I asked her to. LOL WHY
Again, stop wasting your time and mental energies on her. Use your time and energies on moving forward with your own life.

Here is the danger - the fastest way for an affair of a WW to come to an end of for her to become a single woman.

If this OM wanted a single woman, he would have already had one. OM don’t hook up with married women despite them being married; they hook up with them BECAUSE they are married.

OM just want the high energy sex and fun. They don’t want to unclog their toilets, change their flats or the million other domestic and child rearing chores that a single woman will ultimately expect in a relationship.

Very few affairs survive a divorce.

He has likely already told her he isn’t looking for anything committed or exclusive and may already be getting with other chicks.

The problem is she is going to try to come back and she is going to use nasty sex and hysterical bonding to do it ......... and she’s going to conveniently forget her birth control.

Don’t fall for it. Do not knock her up so you have to shell out 16 years of child support and alimony when she cheats again.

If you want to have a few anger shags on her, whatever you do, don’t cum inside her. Only anal, BJ or with a condom and flush it yourself.

But my main recommendation is put your eyes on your new horizons and keep moving forward and don’t waste any more time or energies or what’s going on in her disordered world. She is no longer your problem or concern.
 

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Discussion Starter #51
Well, if you're looking for an exhaustive list, don't think I can provide that, but if I were to guess:

She's starting to realize how she blew up her life, and wants to try and repair what will be the remains of it. The degree to which she realizes though is anyone's guess. She may want to keep a foot in both camps, you as the husband, him as the lover? Or she wants to return completely. And if I were to guess, hope constant sex will win you back.
Or maybe she met with her lawyer and realized (based on what you said) that she doesn't have the claim she thought she did. Her lawyer only told her what she wanted to hear, because he wanted to rack up those billable hours.
The OM could also be a problem. Not spending Thanksgiving together is a big red flag, especially if he lives with his parents (can't remember if you said this was the case or not), perhaps they told him they don't want her at Thanksgiving? Or he's spending it with his actual girlfriend? Or he is just one of those terrible human beings that hooks up with whoever he can find, and stays with them until he gets bored and moves on.

The list goes on and on for the reasons. I'm sure you have a much better idea than I do.
True. Who knows lol. I think it’s funny that they aren’t spending the first major holiday together or part of it.
 

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Discussion Starter #53
Again, stop wasting your time and mental energies on her. Use your time and energies on moving forward with your own life.

Here is the danger - the fastest way for an affair of a WW to come to an end of for her to become a single woman.

If this OM wanted a single woman, he would have already had one. OM don’t hook up with married women despite them being married; they hook up with them BECAUSE they are married.

OM just want the high energy sex and fun. They don’t want to unclog their toilets, change their flats or the million other domestic and child rearing chores that a single woman will ultimately expect in a relationship.

Very few affairs survive a divorce.

He has likely already told her he isn’t looking for anything committed or exclusive and may already be getting with other chicks.

The problem is she is going to try to come back and she is going to use nasty sex and hysterical bonding to do it ......... and she’s going to conveniently forget her birth control.

Don’t fall for it. Do not knock her up so you have to shell out 16 years of child support and alimony when she cheats again.

If you want to have a few anger shags on her, whatever you do, don’t cum inside her. Only anal, BJ or with a condom and flush it yourself.

But my main recommendation is put your eyes on your new horizons and keep moving forward and don’t waste any more time or energies or what’s going on in her disordered world. She is no longer your problem or concern.
I’m not worrying about this. I heard from someone else without asking. I figured I would share since I thought it was comical. First major holiday not together??? LOL We have our first court date the end of this month so hopefully it’s over that day.
 

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Why would she hate you? Because you’re to blame (in her eyes) for every bad thing in life. But she’s being sooo magnanimous by saying she doesn’t really hate you — even though she could. That gets her loads of brownie points, she thinks. And softens you up — just in case.
 

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Discussion Starter #55
Why would she hate you? Because you’re to blame (in her eyes) for every bad thing in life. But she’s being sooo magnanimous by saying she doesn’t really hate you — even though she could. That gets her loads of brownie points, she thinks. And softens you up — just in case.
Oh yeah you are right, I am to blame for everything 🙄. I’m not getting soft because she said that lol. She’s done what she’s done and now she can’t have it.
 

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Discussion Starter #59 (Edited)
Her AP is going to dump her
That would be hilarious. She thinks that they are soulmates. “He feels so bad about the situation”. “They have so much in common”.

Oh and he’s not the type of person to tell her to leave a marriage either 🙄. Her decision to leave was 100% her own (so she says)
 
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