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Hello all,
Let me start by saying that my wife wants a divorce and at first she made it seem like all my fault. (Talks about how I didn’t appreciate her, I wasn’t there enough (which is a lie), I’m not emotional enough, we don’t agree on politics and religion (which has been that since day 1, 11 years ago) and our views aren’t that much different anyways. Never been a problem before. At first I thought that I was the problem and believed most of this until I found out she has been talking to someone else. I confronted her about it and she said he’s “a good friend”. She met this guy 3 months ago (yes 3 months ago), never met him before at all. When I found out it was more than that by looking at cell phone records (almost 8,000 text messages in 2 1/2 weeks), she couldn’t deny it anymore. She asked me to not tell anyone about him because she doesn’t want ppl to know she’s out running and ruin her “picture perfect” reputation she likes.

I got the “I love you but not in love with you anymore”. “I fell out of love with you”. “He makes me happy” “I laugh with him like I never laughed with you” “I never felt the way with you that I do about him”. Again, she’s only known him a little over 3 months and the texting only started the beginning of September. She also met him at the gym/physical therapy office.

We have been together for 11 years, married for 5. We’ve known each other since elementary school and she was always the one chasing after me all the years. We had a good marriage and 11 years together so she can try to rewrite our history all she wants and make herself believe “she hasn’t been happy for awhile”, “it wouldn’t have come to this anyway even if the other guy wasn’t involved”.Everyone keeps saying that the reasons she’s giving are just excuses and not reasons to leave a marriage and that the real reason she’s leaving is because of another man. (Which I agree) She just keeps saying that everyone is using him as a crutch and that’s not her real reason. By the way I was blindsided with this as well. She never told me how she “feels” about any of this to give me any time to fix it. She also has clinical depression as well and am wondering if that has anything to do with it?

All of her family is on my side and hasn’t been speaking to her since all this started. The only ppl she’s talking to about this is her sister in law (who she’s living with), her new man & her therapist.

When she moved out, she took all of our wedding photos, wedding album & her wedding dress. Why??? Guilt??

Doesn’t this just sound like a stereotypical case of cheating and thinking the grass is greener?
 

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There's no better way to say it, but she's gone and while later she may have a change of heart you'd do well to end it, in your own mind too.

You're on the right track. From your other thread to here she sounds committed to a D.

Until gym boy moves on, then she may reach out to you as her solid foundation but be firm.

Do now only what's best for you.

Good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
There's no better way to say it, but she's gone and while later she may have a change of heart you'd do well to end it, in your own mind too.

You're on the right track. From your other thread to here she sounds committed to a D.

Until gym boy moves on, then she may reach out to you as her solid foundation but be firm.

Do now only what's best for you.

Good luck.
Yeah I know she wants the divorce. I’m focusing on myself to be better when I come out of this so if she does trying to return I’ll be in a better place and make a clearer decision. She will crash and crash hard when it doesn’t work out with her new man and I’ll be the better of us then.
 

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She is re-writing your marital history and relationship history simply to justify her affair.
The idea of "it would still be like this without the other man being involved" -- pure hogwash.
You absolutely SHOULD expose her affair -- not for retribution, but to make sure that SHE doesn't spin the story that your divorce is YOUR fault (you KNOW she will do that to protect her reputation).
Try to find out if the POSOM is married/GF -- you can expose it to their partner also.
REALLY sorry you are going through this, but eat, exercise, and see a lawyer. Get YOUR plan together so that you can drive the process.
Also, "I’m focusing on myself to be better when I come out of this so if she does trying to return I’ll be in a better place and make a clearer decision "
Nope you focus on this ENTIRELY for yourself -- not for her sake at all. You get YOUR plan together, present her with the D papers, and get on with your life.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
She is re-writing your marital history and relationship history simply to justify her affair.
The idea of "it would still be like this without the other man being involved" -- pure hogwash.
You absolutely SHOULD expose her affair -- not for retribution, but to make sure that SHE doesn't spin the story that your divorce is YOUR fault (you KNOW she will do that to protect her reputation).
Try to find out if the POSOM is married/GF -- you can expose it to their partner also.
REALLY sorry you are going through this, but eat, exercise, and see a lawyer. Get YOUR plan together so that you can drive the process.
Also, "I’m focusing on myself to be better when I come out of this so if she does trying to return I’ll be in a better place and make a clearer decision "
Nope you focus on this ENTIRELY for yourself -- not for her sake at all. You get YOUR plan together, present her with the D papers, and get on with your life.
I have already exposed her affair to just about everyone that we know. I even went up to where he works and let them know as well. She got mad about that (go figure). He’s not married. He’s 32, single and lives at home (from what I can find out). Divorce papers have already been filed and handed over to her attorney.
 

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Then you've got this. Get right for yourself, and while hard now, your life WILL improve. Good job on executing your plan.

BTW, she's picked a real winner -- 32 years old and lives with Mommy and Daddy! Oh boy.

Just be strong -- she WILL come back to you crying when she crashes and burns and will try to love bomb you. Just be strong.
 

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Then you've got this. Get right for yourself, and while hard now, your life WILL improve. Good job on executing your plan.

BTW, she's picked a real winner -- 32 years old and lives with Mommy and Daddy! Oh boy.

Just be strong -- she WILL come back to you crying when she crashes and burns and will try to love bomb you. Just be strong.
Thank you. Yeah she said “I don’t know what he’s been through” lmao okay
 

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Obviously she's throwing you under the bus to justify her affair. My ex did the same back in 2009.

Consider yourself fortunate that you found out about the affair and she moved out. Now it's time to put her in the rear view mirror and get on with your life. She doesn't deserve you. You are getting a 2nd chance that most people don't get. Remember that. And don't make the mistake of taking her back when her affair fizzles out...which is will.

Once I found out about my wife's affair, she was history. And life has never been better.
 

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So please, listen to the message that I send
Don't ever talk to a girl who says she just has a friend

-Biz Markie

Sorry, just wanted to throw a little humor in.

But kidding aside it sounds like you've got this. Just consider how you might deal with her coming back crying about her "mistake" after this blows up, because it could happen.
 

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do not give her any more than she is entitled too...let tell you a quick story, a buddy of mine was away at work came back early to surprise his wife and instead got surprised when he found them in bed....he calmly asked her is this is what she wants and she said yes so he filed for divorced, let the kids and everyone know what she did, she got a lump sum settlement, and her boyfriend used up all the funds...mind you they lived very comfortable, now she works as a cashier in Florida, the boyfriend and money is gone. the odds is that he will help her spend the money and one day move on to a woman.
 

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she's throwing you under the bus to justify her affair.
That's what they all do. Everything that is "wrong" with you, is "right" with the other man. They have no idea how much this hurts us.
May God reward them according to their deeds, which are evil....
 

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NHRA,

You wrote, Thank you. Yeah she said “I don’t know what he’s been through” lmao okay

Wow so she fell for a parasitic OM who goes from WW to WW with a job that gives him an unlimited supply of WWs. She is in for a shock when the love of her life cheats on her multiple times.

The OM has a polished routine for seducing women too, he's of the sob story type, but likely also with trimuphal stories about how he overcame all of his difficulties in life. And now your WW has made his life complete in ways no other woman ever did.

I can't believe women keep falling for these con men.

But the good news is that while she is under this guys spell you may be able to get favorable terms in the divorce.

You can even hold over her head profession exposure for Mr Wonderful.
 

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Hello all,
Let me start by saying that my wife wants a divorce and at first she made it seem like all my fault. (Talks about how I didn’t appreciate her, I wasn’t there enough (which is a lie), I’m not emotional enough, we don’t agree on politics and religion (which has been that since day 1, 11 years ago) and our views aren’t that much different anyways. Never been a problem before. At first I thought that I was the problem and believed most of this until I found out she has been talking to someone else. I confronted her about it and she said he’s “a good friend”. She met this guy 3 months ago (yes 3 months ago), never met him before at all. When I found out it was more than that by looking at cell phone records (almost 8,000 text messages in 2 1/2 weeks), she couldn’t deny it anymore. She asked me to not tell anyone about him because she doesn’t want ppl to know she’s out running and ruin her “picture perfect” reputation she likes.

I got the “I love you but not in love with you anymore”. “I fell out of love with you”. “He makes me happy” “I laugh with him like I never laughed with you” “I never felt the way with you that I do about him”. Again, she’s only known him a little over 3 months and the texting only started the beginning of September. She also met him at the gym/physical therapy office.

We have been together for 11 years, married for 5. We’ve known each other since elementary school and she was always the one chasing after me all the years. We had a good marriage and 11 years together so she can try to rewrite our history all she wants and make herself believe “she hasn’t been happy for awhile”, “it wouldn’t have come to this anyway even if the other guy wasn’t involved”.Everyone keeps saying that the reasons she’s giving are just excuses and not reasons to leave a marriage and that the real reason she’s leaving is because of another man. (Which I agree) She just keeps saying that everyone is using him as a crutch and that’s not her real reason. By the way I was blindsided with this as well. She never told me how she “feels” about any of this to give me any time to fix it. She also has clinical depression as well and am wondering if that has anything to do with it?

All of her family is on my side and hasn’t been speaking to her since all this started. The only ppl she’s talking to about this is her sister in law (who she’s living with), her new man & her therapist.

When she moved out, she took all of our wedding photos, wedding album & her wedding dress. Why??? Guilt??

Doesn’t this just sound like a stereotypical case of cheating and thinking the grass is greener?
Sorry to hear...I suppose all that is left is for you to feel the pain you will inevitably feel, work on healing and getting a support system around you but at the end of the day...if she is cheating then GIVE her a divorce quickly. She is a cancer so remove it.
 

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Hello all,
Let me start by saying that my wife wants a divorce and at first she made it seem like all my fault. (Talks about how I didn’t appreciate her, I wasn’t there enough (which is a lie), I’m not emotional enough, we don’t agree on politics and religion (which has been that since day 1, 11 years ago) and our views aren’t that much different anyways. Never been a problem before. At first I thought that I was the problem and believed most of this until I found out she has been talking to someone else. I confronted her about it and she said he’s “a good friend”. She met this guy 3 months ago (yes 3 months ago), never met him before at all. When I found out it was more than that by looking at cell phone records (almost 8,000 text messages in 2 1/2 weeks), she couldn’t deny it anymore. She asked me to not tell anyone about him because she doesn’t want ppl to know she’s out running and ruin her “picture perfect” reputation she likes.

I got the “I love you but not in love with you anymore”. “I fell out of love with you”. “He makes me happy” “I laugh with him like I never laughed with you” “I never felt the way with you that I do about him”. Again, she’s only known him a little over 3 months and the texting only started the beginning of September. She also met him at the gym/physical therapy office.

We have been together for 11 years, married for 5. We’ve known each other since elementary school and she was always the one chasing after me all the years. We had a good marriage and 11 years together so she can try to rewrite our history all she wants and make herself believe “she hasn’t been happy for awhile”, “it wouldn’t have come to this anyway even if the other guy wasn’t involved”.Everyone keeps saying that the reasons she’s giving are just excuses and not reasons to leave a marriage and that the real reason she’s leaving is because of another man. (Which I agree) She just keeps saying that everyone is using him as a crutch and that’s not her real reason. By the way I was blindsided with this as well. She never told me how she “feels” about any of this to give me any time to fix it. She also has clinical depression as well and am wondering if that has anything to do with it?

All of her family is on my side and hasn’t been speaking to her since all this started. The only ppl she’s talking to about this is her sister in law (who she’s living with), her new man & her therapist.

When she moved out, she took all of our wedding photos, wedding album & her wedding dress. Why??? Guilt??

Doesn’t this just sound like a stereotypical case of cheating and thinking the grass is greener?
You guys don't have any children together? Good the choice in this situation will be easy then.
 

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She also has clinical depression as well and am wondering if that has anything to do with it?
Actually, it's likely that her depression is being CAUSED by her adultery. Depression occurs when people don't do what they SHOULD do. Yes, I said "SHOULD".... I know that's not "PC" - but in my humble, yet accurate, opinion, "PC" is horse$hit. 90% of the people who are "depressed" would get un-depressed if they looked at themselves in the mirror, took a moral inventory how they lived their lives, and TURN AWAY from their selfish, sinful, wicked behavior.....stop giving themselves permission to do what God has CONDEMNED.
 

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I have a favourite mp3 soundbite from an hour-long interview with a guy called Homer McDonald. A very experienced therapist and counsellor. The topic was "What to do when your wife asks for a divorce".
At the end, the interviewer attempts to sum it up:
  • "So, step 1 is to agree?"
  • Homer: "Yes, absolutely"
  • "And what's step 2"
  • Homer: a bit of a pause, then, "Well, there is no ****ing step 2"
"Well, there is no ****ing step 2" has become a catchphrase for me.
 

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Looks like you are sitting in the proverbial cats bird seat.
File swiftly. Use her mental fog to your advantage.
Take steps to build the life you always wanted, without her.
Be the man she always wanted you to be, without her.
Let her see that all she has is held you back for 11 years.
The best revenge is you living the good life.
There is an excellent chance that she will be back when she finally crashes. IF you were truly a problem, why would she take your Wedding Album? Seriously?
If she comes back you can decide if you want her back. However, you would be best advised to take a hard pass.
 
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