Joined
·
8 Posts
Hi all. I'm hoping by actually writing this down that it will help me somehow, or that there are those of you out there who can offer me some advice on coping. I'm not doing a great job of it myself.
I've been married to my wife for almost 15 years now. 3 years ago, while I was traveling quite a bit for work and was only home on the weekends, she woke me up in the middle of the night and told me she needed to tell me something. I thought she was going to say she forgot to pay a bill, or had gotten a speeding ticket. I never suspected she had cheated on me.
It seems that a few years after we had been married, I was working late one evening and she had gone to a dinner party with her family. She had not driven herself there, and the person she came with left early, so when the time came for her to leave, her cousin's boyfriend (and later husband) offered to take her home. She said that halfway home, he began to tell her how much he had always liked her, even before we were married, and how attractive he found her. He pulled over and kissed, her, and in her words "I didn't act appropriately". She never would elaborate, only saying that he took her home "after a while". I have known this person for years, we have taken fishing trips together, tailgated for football games, helped each other move, for years. According to her she couldn't take the guilt anymore. What I suspect actually happened is that he was about to get divorced after cheating on his wife, and she was afraid it would come out.
This was the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with. I had to leave town the next morning for a week, after being told this. It took me a month to get to the point where I could talk to her. I never did confront him about it, I just don't think I could do it without punching him. When we finally did talk about it, she just cried and told me she was sorry and that she loved me. I told her that I forgave her, but I truly never have been able to. I can't watch a movie or a TV show where someone is unfaithful without thinking about it. I still haven't gotten over the hurt from it. I never yelled, never lost my temper when she told me. I just buried it. I know that isn't healthy, especially since it has just festered all this time. I don't know what to do. I'm still angry about it, I'm still hurt. I don't want to know the details, but at the same time, I need to know exactly how far this went. (or I think I do, I don't know if that would make it worse or better)
Advice? Insight? As I said, after we finally discussed it and I told her that it could never happen again, we have never discussed it. I know she was relieved to have it out in the open and me not leave, but I'm bothered by it almost daily. I know I love her, and we have 2 fantastic daughters that I love more than life, but I'm still hurting.
I've been married to my wife for almost 15 years now. 3 years ago, while I was traveling quite a bit for work and was only home on the weekends, she woke me up in the middle of the night and told me she needed to tell me something. I thought she was going to say she forgot to pay a bill, or had gotten a speeding ticket. I never suspected she had cheated on me.
It seems that a few years after we had been married, I was working late one evening and she had gone to a dinner party with her family. She had not driven herself there, and the person she came with left early, so when the time came for her to leave, her cousin's boyfriend (and later husband) offered to take her home. She said that halfway home, he began to tell her how much he had always liked her, even before we were married, and how attractive he found her. He pulled over and kissed, her, and in her words "I didn't act appropriately". She never would elaborate, only saying that he took her home "after a while". I have known this person for years, we have taken fishing trips together, tailgated for football games, helped each other move, for years. According to her she couldn't take the guilt anymore. What I suspect actually happened is that he was about to get divorced after cheating on his wife, and she was afraid it would come out.
This was the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with. I had to leave town the next morning for a week, after being told this. It took me a month to get to the point where I could talk to her. I never did confront him about it, I just don't think I could do it without punching him. When we finally did talk about it, she just cried and told me she was sorry and that she loved me. I told her that I forgave her, but I truly never have been able to. I can't watch a movie or a TV show where someone is unfaithful without thinking about it. I still haven't gotten over the hurt from it. I never yelled, never lost my temper when she told me. I just buried it. I know that isn't healthy, especially since it has just festered all this time. I don't know what to do. I'm still angry about it, I'm still hurt. I don't want to know the details, but at the same time, I need to know exactly how far this went. (or I think I do, I don't know if that would make it worse or better)
Advice? Insight? As I said, after we finally discussed it and I told her that it could never happen again, we have never discussed it. I know she was relieved to have it out in the open and me not leave, but I'm bothered by it almost daily. I know I love her, and we have 2 fantastic daughters that I love more than life, but I'm still hurting.