Paragraphs are your friend. Add some line breaks so that your post will be more readable
Even if, this is a soul in torment.
It doesn't matter, Remains. Your advice still stands and will be appreciated by the OP or someone else who, in terrible pain, stumbles on your answer and finds solace in it.Ohhh, I do hope I haven't fallen for JB! I thought I was pretty good at spotting the trolls!
pain, are you a troll?
And all those husbands, too...Wow,
What is it, the harvest moon sending all these wives out to screw their marriages up?
Er no.I don't get it! This guy has just poured his heart out, looking for advice, and you two give him advice on his grammar and writing structure! And only that! Shocking!
She is not beutiful anymore. She is doing something that is very, very ugly. You need to stop seeing her as your friend and lover of 20 years.I've been with my wife for 20 years, married 9. where to start, o.k. simple, she cheated, and I had my suspicions that she was up to no good. I tried cutting her off by hinting to her about her suspicious activity.
Didn't work this time.
See, one of our biggest problems is She's beautifull and very naive.
It was good that you set YOUR boundaries.I caught her lying to me about smaller stuff, it's led to mistrust. she now wants me to believe that this [cheating] was because i never let her just go out and party without me.
Translation.She said she doesn't BLAME me but she has said "i just felt so trapped" "theres a whole world out there I dont get to see" "I just wanted some freedom".
She better start looking for a job I think.--- wow, cut to the chase, I take care of her. She doesn't work, she told me she dreamed of being home for the children.
I treat our 2 children like gold, and according to her and all of her friends i talk to, she has an amazing sex life.
Had sex before that.She tells me 3 days ago she kissed a man and theres marks,... huh WTF! from kissing?
They almost always try and reduce the affair. This is away worse than you think at the moment. I suspect it has been going on for some time.I saw the hickie's and told her to lay it out there, the truth. then she told me while i was working she took my 3 year old daughter to his house, put her on the ground with playdough and went in the next room to have sex with him.
She has fallen in love. NOTHING she says to you is going to be the truth. If she looks you straight in the eye when she tells you something. It is a lie. Don't tell her you know this!I think you call it D-Day here.I tried giving her easy outs like "tell me this was a fling and i dont know how but we'll work past it" she says i think i love him. I asked where my daughter was while she destroying my life. *** I blew UP!!! she left (his House).
Sounds like you exposed it. That is the best way to kill an affair! Well done!Ive had all of her family and all our neighbors over here helping. everybody is floored.
You were telling her your wishes and she decided they were worth nothing. She is seeing you as a constant and has relegated you to "friend" statusYesterday afternoon she texts a neighbor (her Friend) tells her all shes doing is thinking of me and that this was a mistake, she wants to come back. I texted my wife and said "if you really dont love him and your sure, come home now." she responds she will be home tommorow.
I WAS PISSED! I'm thinking if that is a mistake you grab your shoes, grab your keys and never look back. ]She tells me she's to drunk and distraught over what shes done. she wants to wallow. I did not want her to stay there,
I offered to have her friend come get her(she said it felt like we were tryiing to control her)
I told her if your ashamed to come home use the card, get a hotel for the night. response was just I'll be home Tomorrow. She's home now, been here 14 hours. very quite, has said she's sorry but no breakdown no total collapse for forgiveness, she smiles.
It isi not a defensive mechanism. It her wanting to bang her new love before coming "home" for as long as possible.A friend told me its a defensive mech for her. so i'm trying to look past it.
You can not rebuild at this stage. You need to look after yourself and your kid. That is your job right now.I told her I want to rebuild but this is a huge battle and i cant fight it alone. she says she's here 100% but seams hesitant when make any threat towards her freedom.
She is doing what she needs to do to keep you on the high alert. She knows exactly how to manipulate you after being together 20 years. DO NOT BELIEVE THIS RUBBISHWhen she got home i asked her to shower (didn't want his stench to trigger my anger) she did. then WE used her phone to send him the "its over, it was a mistake" letter.
He kept texting back and she agreed it would be best to block his number.
And she will be back to him the first chance she gets.She was tore up however that she was hurting him.
and the rest. This is trickle truth.I told her you started this train wreck and this is how you fix it. We also banned him from her FACEBOOK (its the devil billy, haha sorry). FACEBOOK WAS HER LIFE but i think shes agreeing that it has to go. I have made appointment with marriage counsler for us. but it wont be for another 2 days. figuring we cant not talk .... were doing some carefull dialog. sady, i found out she didnt sleep with him just once.
After the D- moment. she went there cried and then slept with him 2 more times.
They never use a condom. Ever.Then i find out that even the next day when she was telling me she wants to come home she slept with him 2 more times that night ( she says alot of this was the whole new meat thing, i get that... for the 1st time. then she says the last 2 were more of a "i allready ****ed up i might as well get it out" WTF again? and here's the kicker, NO CONDOM. while she does get irratated down there by condoms i'm now screwed with a wife that could queit possibly be pregnant. and yes she lives.. kidding
You need to start detaching, this is going to get a whole lot worse before it gets better.i love her to much and thats the problem. She's on the next couch over (wrap around, sectional) because she's exhausted (to much sex???). when she said will you come up to bed i told her no, she asked where i was sleeping (couch) and then asked if she could be in the same room (other couch). obviously i said sure.
She already has left. You let her back to have a rest.I've read some posts that say STAY STRONG and im trying. she tried to kiss me goodnight and i turned my head, she said sorry and i said not your fault (YES IT IS!!!). But i keep sugar coating things out of fear that she'll leave.
Seh WILL do it again. She is "in love" She will find it almost impossible to give this guy up this easily.I'm torn between my mind screaming get out she will just do it again next time things get stale and my heart screaming i love her and your kids need there mother.
That is awful. I suggest you don't do that...~sitting here, watching her sleep, staring at his lust marks on her neck..