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What keeps going over and over in my head is that you knew something could happen and so you chose to watch it start to play out, clearly you had this inkling you could not trust her otherwise you would have stayed in bed but instead you played the scenario out in real time to I can only think to test both of them and both failed you, one you banished from your life the other you have basically rugsweeped....what that tells me is you are truly playing with a weak hand.....she clearly has more control on this relationship than you do....oh sure you spy on her but that tells me you think you are in control but in truth you have not punished her by exposing her and forcing her to accept her actions there you are scared to do....because the potential outcome is scary to you. Her loss in your life is greater than the respect for and yourself. I suspect you know this to be true but you just can’t admit it.
 

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The intent was there 100% It would have went further had you not stepped in. Now she is complaining about you

bringing it up. A remorseful WS would welcome a dialogue about how you feel from the actions of the WS.

She is not sorry she did this, she is just sorry she was caught.

I don't know anything about Canadian law but you can 1-Divorce her, 2-Rugsweep it and hope it never happens again (it

will, promise), 3-Seek out MC to find out why this occurred, or 4-Divorce her but remain in same home.
 

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Well not everyone can as strong as a man as you are random forum reader..... but its not that easy. But I guess thats a typical answer from "guys like me" I don't want to spend the rest of my life paying alimony to a woman I love while she finds a life with another man... she's been there for me during a job loss where we could have lost everything we've had a sick child we went through together we've had so much life and again I love her and she been a good wife to me other then that night. I've talked about previous flirting but I did too. Its all jokes till it isn't anymore. She's not this horrible cheating monster maybe I should have elaborated more. She obviously did a horrible monstrous thing but does 1 night define who we are.... I don't know, maybe... but I'd like to think maybe not
yiu may not want it, but YOU have set yourself up to receive it.

stay at home mom. Clearly no boundaries, bored, and likes sex a lot.
Perfect setup for cheating, and you’ll be paying her for many years to bang other men in the future.

Instead of telling her to stop drinking and get her ass in the bedroom, and sending your friend packing his disloyal ass to his own house, you passively went and hid in your room while another man attempted to have sexually with your wife.

you need to accept the fact that you are passive and to scared to move on from a cheater. I get it. Change is hard. You love her. It’s really hard to pull the trigger and boot her. But it really would be for the best. The longer you’re with her, the more you will be screwed financially.

she does not love you like you love her. Is that enough for you?
 

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She has low self esteem, no boundaries and maybe a people pleaser as well. She should have come right to bed with you. I had a similar thing happen where I went to bed and a friend stayed up late with my wife drinking. She said he was trying the old sob story trick to try and get close to her. That was the last time I would leave her alone with another guy. I broke off our friendship and kicked him out of my wedding party.

Until she gets help in regards with why she feels the need for attention from another man, you need to keep her on a short leash. If she refuses, she is not marriage material. And yes I believe she would have had sex of some type with that friend of yours if you had not stopped it. After all, that is the end game for many.
 

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I know that it has only been a day since he last posted, but I doubt very much that he will come back to the forum. We see it all the time; some men when told the true about how they are perceived/what they're doing wrong, cannot handle it/accept what's being said, or just get to embarrassed. Then, they just disappear either in shame or rejecting everything being said.
Let's just hope that he'll at least will read anonymously and get some of the input to use on himself if he decides not to participate anymore.
 

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I know that it has only been a day since he last posted, but I doubt very much that he will come back to the forum. We see it all the time; some men when told the true about how they are perceived/what they're doing wrong, cannot handle it/accept what's being said, or just get to embarrassed. Then, they just disappear either in shame or rejecting everything being said.
Let's just hope that he'll at least will read anonymously and get some of the input to use on himself if he decides not to participate anymore.
A lot of people don’t want advice on what to do and certainly don’t want to feel as if they have anything they need to do.

A lot want to be patted on the back and told, “there there. She’s so wrong and you are so good. You didn’t deserve that, she should be glad to have you and should treat you better.”

They basically want to be told they are great and that the other person is wrong. They don’t want any actual accountability for themselves.
 

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A lot want to be patted on the back and told, “there there. She’s so wrong and you are so good. You didn’t deserve that, she should be glad to have you and should treat you better.”
I agree but I also think it goes even deeper than that. Many come here looking for a magic solution. They want "5 Easy Tricks to Make Her Get It" and then are shocked when we don't have any simple answers. He's looking for us to tell him what to do and say to make her go back to the wife he thought he had and we all know that is IMPOSSIBLE. If he can't get that, he at least wants us to tell him how the unring the bell so that he can believe she's the wife he thought he had. He, like many, is not ready to accept that she isn't that wife and never was so he doesn't have anything to lose by putting the marriage on the line as a way to possibly incentivize her to do better. And if she doesn't, he's not losing out on as much as he thinks he is.

Plus, he is absolutely NOT ready to hear that statistically speaking it's not likely that he happened to catch them in the act the one and only time it happened after years of overlap between the friendship and the marriage. He may know where she is most of the time but I don't find it coincidence that he was immediately suspicious of them drinking together. There's been other parties and other opportunities for them to be at it right under his nose before. This is not the actions of a man who completely trusted them together alone and found it unthinkable before he saw it happening. I'm betting he'll be back when the TT starts dripping out.
 

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Example #1


Example #2

Example #3
Dude: Read what you wrote. The above shows how weak you've been to your wife as to boundaries. No wonder she looks like she has little respect for you. For her to do it while you're there tells a lot of her respect for you and to what she might be doing when you're not around.



why, I mean why knowingly you would leave them alone? nonetheless, you know have proof of what your guts were telling you. Dude, she's not marriage material, unless you want to be in constant turmoil as to what she might be doing.



That's because she was never remorful. All she was doing was damage control, because in her mind she knows that in the end you will not do anything other than getting pissy about it and that you would eventually just rugsweep it, and by now she's getting annoyed with your constant reminders, because she's more secure that all you're doing is blah, blah, blah, no consequences other than the constant annoyances of having to hear it.



This. This is typical of guys like you. Men that don't have the courage to do what needs to be done. And you are wondering why you're alone in your pain? really. What you have done is basically cowardice, because you prefer to suffer it all alone rather than to rock the boat. You are afraid.



I just can't understand men that go for the "party girl" type of women. Don't you realize what the ultimate result is with this type of women? where you so low on yourself that you thought that she was the best that you could do?
Now tell me this: who is going to save YOU from her? what are you really going to do about it? if nothing, then don't cry about it, suck it up and carry on with the below:
This is the closest to what I was thinking but put in much kinder words so I will just leave it at that so I don't catch a ban.
 

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Maybe youre still checking in. there is help for you. What are you doing about your situation now that you've had some time to think about it? Come back and let us know.

the comments may have seemed harsh and not what you wanted to hear, but they were an attempt to wake you up. It wont get better as time goes on. she will repress her desires. Its how shes wired. What you dont want is where she sees you more like a father figure rather than her husband. yes this happens a lot. If you get to that point, youre in big trouble. Based on your posts its clear that you dont understand why you are in the situation you are in.

You thought a wedding ring was going to change everything. Turn her into the sweat virtuous woman that you invision in your head. Hey that's how it ends in the romantic comedies. Also you didnt rescue her from anything. She chose her prior lifestyle because she liked it. She loved the attention. Its called validation. there are probably a few men from her past that she would have gladly married. Those guys werent going for it. That's where you come into the picture. What you did is give her a fix -- you provided respectability. You stepped in as what's known as 'the white knight'. She probably doesnt even consciously realize this. Its your job to fix it. Her indescretion wasnt the worst. You want to stay married. Fine. Time to change you. Get a perspective on whats going on. I can only sketch it out.

First - no more Fing crying and complaining! Girls dont respect that shyt.

I think you are Mr. Nice Guy. Put her on a pedestal, do whatever she asks. Never confrontational. Always getting her input when making decisions (showing indecisiveness). She's the greatest thing in the world and how lucky you are to have her. She's the prize - right. the problem with this sort of behavior is it weakens you. Makes you submissive in the relationship and believe me your wife doesnt want that. She wants a leader. A guy that has his **** together, is decisive, assertive, and is someone she wants to follow. leadership in the bedroom as well is huge. You are the prize buddy. Start thinking of yourself in those terms.

Read this book: The married sex primer by athol kay. it should provide a road map for you.

He talks about the alpha/beta dynamic. It looks like you have to up your alpha side and maintain it. Don't slip back into the beta side which seems to be your undoing. Also go Red Pill - rich cooper videos and rollo tomassi on youtube to start. Start dressing better. Hit the gym. Build up your body. this is what these chicks go for. Being the loving family man dad isnt enough.

Do not say anything to your wife. Do this on your own. She will notice the change in you over time. It may take awhile.
This is how you get her to desire you. You've taken on a difficult challenge. Its up to you to pull it off. Or in the very least give it a serious try if that's what you want. Your nice-guy plan isnt going to work.

I hope you read this and hope it helps.
 

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Maybe youre still checking in. there is help for you. What are you doing about your situation now that you've had some time to think about it? Come back and let us know.

the comments may have seemed harsh and not what you wanted to hear, but they were an attempt to wake you up. It wont get better as time goes on. she will repress her desires. Its how shes wired. What you dont want is where she sees you more like a father figure rather than her husband. yes this happens a lot. If you get to that point, youre in big trouble. Based on your posts its clear that you dont understand why you are in the situation you are in.

You thought a wedding ring was going to change everything. Turn her into the sweat virtuous woman that you invision in your head. Hey that's how it ends in the romantic comedies. Also you didnt rescue her from anything. She chose her prior lifestyle because she liked it. She loved the attention. Its called validation. there are probably a few men from her past that she would have gladly married. Those guys werent going for it. That's where you come into the picture. What you did is give her a fix -- you provided respectability. You stepped in as what's known as 'the white knight'. She probably doesnt even consciously realize this. Its your job to fix it. Her indescretion wasnt the worst. You want to stay married. Fine. Time to change you. Get a perspective on whats going on. I can only sketch it out.

First - no more Fing crying and complaining! Girls dont respect that shyt.

I think you are Mr. Nice Guy. Put her on a pedestal, do whatever she asks. Never confrontational. Always getting her input when making decisions (showing indecisiveness). She's the greatest thing in the world and how lucky you are to have her. She's the prize - right. the problem with this sort of behavior is it weakens you. Makes you submissive in the relationship and believe me your wife doesnt want that. She wants a leader. A guy that has his **** together, is decisive, assertive, and is someone she wants to follow. leadership in the bedroom as well is huge. You are the prize buddy. Start thinking of yourself in those terms.

Read this book: The married sex primer by athol kay. it should provide a road map for you.

He talks about the alpha/beta dynamic. It looks like you have to up your alpha side and maintain it. Don't slip back into the beta side which seems to be your undoing. Also go Red Pill - rich cooper videos and rollo tomassi on youtube to start. Start dressing better. Hit the gym. Build up your body. this is what these chicks go for. Being the loving family man dad isnt enough.

Do not say anything to your wife. Do this on your own. She will notice the change in you over time. It may take awhile.
This is how you get her to desire you. You've taken on a difficult challenge. Its up to you to pull it off. Or in the very least give it a serious try if that's what you want. Your nice-guy plan isnt going to work.

I hope you read this and hope it helps.
Damn straight. Read MMSLP and NMMNG. Worked for me. Quit whining about sparse sex and her always being *****y. I dropped 60lbs in 5 weeks and buffed up. Wife bout **** a brick. She said she thought i was already gone. Now we have sex 5-6 days a week.
 

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A client took the opposite attitude. He had caught her with a coworker, and she swore him to secrecy. She said she could never live down the humiliation. She thought that he would hold his tongue. They were at her parents' when there was a comment made, and he responded by saying that his WW was now under his thumb as he had her on infidelity with (name of coworker). Her parents essentially froze and stared at her. Her first reaction was to ask her husband why he broke his promise. His response was that on our wedding day you promised to be faithful. Seems you could not keep that promise. He was not about to keep that secret, and the humiliation was just what was needed. Her Dad took her out of the room, they could hear muffled yelling. She came out of the room with red eyes and a puffy face. She did not say a word, just took her car and went home. Her father said that she will never even think of betraying you in future. She now knows that we will disown her and we will treat her as if she died. He came home to a dark house. She was sitting with her phone in her lap. She said that she had just called her office and left multiple messages for the next day. I have exposed my AP, and I have offered my resignation. A bit of a crap storm followed. AP was a higher up at her company and it did not go well for him. She offered her testimony, and caused a shakeup in management at her company. The result was that she had a five year hole in her resume which kept her out of upper level positions for a few years. That too was placed squarely on her shoulders as fallout. They could no longer afford their home and had to move down. During the selling process, legal process and moving process all she could do was apologize and hope that this would be good for them. Upshot was that her affair affected so many parts of her life that were good before and damaged them. Their life for the first five years were not as affluent as they had been before and it was all on her. She, to her credit stepped up, took on a second job. She admits that 16 hour days purged any want to ever step out again.
 

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When we first got together she was living a party girl lifestyle which always made me nervous but she's always insisted I saved her from "that life" of one nightstands emotionless sex.
This advice is the for the next time: It seems like you liked the idea of saving her. A guy who admits to a lot of indiscriminate sex would not be of interest to me. We've all had our wilder days but they should be over on your accord before getting married.
 
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