So here it is in a nutshell. My wife and I have been together 9 years married for 5 now. Last summer my best friend who moved abroad came to visit. In the past he's flirted with her and she's flirted back always insisted its just jokes. When we first got together she was living a party girl lifestyle which always made me nervous but she's always insisted I saved her from "that life" of one nightstands emotionless sex. Fast forward to last year, we all drank heavily that night and come 1am I was tired and insisted she come to bed with me. She refused and I even said "please don't keep drinking with my best friend" she insisted she just wanted to have fun. I went upstairs and didn't turn on the AC so I could hear their conversation. I over her say that I didn't turn on the AC and that I was probably listening so they should move to the garage. This was alarming to say the least so I went outside and watched them through the window. They sat next to each other on a love seat. I watched them flirt back and forth for sometime he would put his hand on her leg and she would smile and gently take it off all flirty like. I couldn't hear but body language showed them getting more and more flirty. I saw them lock eyes and almost kiss but she turned away and did the father son and holy ghost thing as if she was praying then she turned back to him and they started full fledged making out. That's when I lost mind confronted them yelled kicked him out and then left. The next day she swears to not remember a thing and blames it on 12hrs of drinking.... she also comes back to it was just a kiss but I know in my heart if I hadn't broke it up she would have slept with him and we definitely wouldn't be together today. She was very remorseful at first. Then about 2 months later she says she can't keep hating herself for 1 mistake and now hates when I bring it up. But I'm still hurting I think about it almost daily. Part of me wishes I had not interrupted so I can say for sure she would have gone all the way. Because despite being blackout drunk she swears theres no way she would have slept with him. He's out of our lives entirely but we were friends for 20 years so he gets brought up by family or other friends once in awhile. But they have no idea what happened. So I have to internalize my pain. I didn't want to tell anyone to protect her I don't want my family to hate her.... it feels like every time she angers me or is a little cold my mind goes right to her infidelity. We have two kids a house and a great life otherwise but I fear ill never be able to fully put it behind me.... I don't know what to do. A little advice would be appreciated.