If i were you I'd pack her bags for her. See you at the cleaners sweetie.

 

It is understandable to want to R (reconcile) after one D-day but to do so after two or more D-days? Your choice but please realize that if you want to avoid a false R you'd be wise to have her implement the principles in How to Rebuild Your Spouse's Trust After an Affair. Doing so will show you how serious she is about making atonement for her betrayal.

 

So sorry yur wife has done this. In my opinion, you picked a bad one to marry. Not your fault brother... I picked a bad one too, except I stayed with mine another eighteen years after her first affair.

Your wife is a serial cheater and has no respect for you or the marriage. I know you love her, but you need to love yourself more. She will repeat this behavior again, and again, and again because this is who she is.

See a lawyer and get the D process going. Don't tell her, just have her served. Then move towards separating finances. Protect yourself emotionally, legally and financially.
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A kiss is cheater code for we had sex. Believe me, in most cases a kiss is much more then a kiss.

Don't show your hand if you have not already. My wife still thinks I know a lot more then I know and I will not tell her that. I say things like isn't technology wonderful, it has a way of recording everything we write and it is stored somewhere. I say, people talk and it is amazing what guilt does to people to make them want to tell you stuff. My wife thinks I talked to the OM. I never did.

Start with VARS and GPS. Sucks I know. Sorry you are here, man.

 

So she's not cheating now. What are you doing to improve the marriage?

 

Unless I'm mistaken, she's been cheating since your initial d-day throughout your entire marriage?, or was that a different person?

 

If you kick her out, she wont find a reason to cheat anymore. That's how the mind of cheater works.

 

She cheated early in your marriage. Probably no significant consequences suffered by her.

So, she cheats again. How do you want to deal with this? What should her serious consequences be? What does she need to do to learn an important lesson of marriage (ie, dont cheat)?

And, would you want to spend the rest of your life hanging on to a repeat cheater?

 

You seem pretty certain she`s not fooling around now.

If the OM does have a new pregnant girlfriend and this happened a year ago I could be inclined to agree with you.

You say you have eyes on her communications and whereabouts but if one of these methods doesn`t include a VAR in her car just to see who she's talking to I`d advise putting one there for a few weeks.

My opinion..

Your wife had sex with this guy multiple times and will most probably go to her grave never 'fessing up.

If you can verify NC since last year when you busted it it`s very likely she`s not screwing around at the moment(at least with him) as it would seem she doesn`t want to lose your relationship.

You can either let her have her secret or get into some marriage counseling in the hopes of getting it out of her.

Have you thought about how you would react to complete honesty from her about it?
Would you divorce or want R?

If R is the answer convincing her she won`t lose you may over time get it out of her.

Just some ideas.

 

I feel that she wants to sweep it under the rug as fast as she can and forget about it, she doesnt want to confront the truth. she becomes a smart ass and get really agitated when I bring it up again. she says Im rediculous. I want to know the truth no matter how bad it is for my own peice of mind. so I can decide what I want to do.

 

macmanus,

Her actions (telling you you`re ridiculous after what is verified she did?) and the circumstances let you know the truth..

What you want is her to admit it.

She doesn`t understand she`s actually doing more harm by keeping it from you than if she just told you straight out.

Would you divorce if she told you she was physical with the OM?

If the answer to that is yes then you should just go ahead and divorce because you know she was.

If the answer is no you`d rather R then somehow you`ve got to get her to realize she`s pushing into doing what she doesn`t want in her attempt to keep you from doing it.

Gaaahh....this stuff is nuts.

 

Im afraid that I am going to stay just for the kids...

You need to do more research on the subject of divorce and how it affects children.

Here's the quick summary.

Staying in a bad relationship "for the kids" is worse than a relatively amicable divorce that keeps the kids as uninvolved in the failure of the parent's relationship as is humanely possible.

My wording is a bit messed up there, what I'm saying is to stay together for the kids will do them more harm than good, the stats prove it. Get a civil divorce and keep the kids out of the conflict and they'll be ok.. or at least better off than seeing a loveless deceptive relationshp perpetuate between their parents whose behaviors they will someday model.

Then again I see lots of betrayed spouses say "I'd leave that cheater in a second but I don't want to hurt my kids" and it's obvious they are staying because they're scared, and the kids are just a martyrish excuse.

 

one thing Im worried about is making the biggest mistake of my life.
she has told me a few times , if I cant handle being around her just move out and leave her. I almost feel like why the hell should she get what she wants?! I dont know.

 

You are trying to say that she wants you to leave, so you won't leave because you don't want to give her what she wants?

Wow that's quite the twisted logic you got there.

I'd stick with "I'm staying for the kids".

 

Man you're problem lies in the fact that you're still in limbo, wake up.
With all due respect your wife( tramp) simply doesn't care about you anymore or she probably never did in the first place.

Save yourself the heartbreak and get out of the relationship now.

And you should ask her to leave and file for divorce

 

She is playing you. If you really were such an inconvenience she would have left herself.

Take her up on her words, get her served. Assume control. After that she'd either have to bust her ass to get you back, or pack up and leave. Either outcome is preferable to your limbo now.

 

Thats what Im going to do. Ill let you what happens.

 

The bottom line is this: You're acting like a total doormat, and women DESPISE doormats. Probably one of the main reasons she went looking for a 'real' man who would shake her boots.

Have you read No More Mr Nice Guy? Time to get started.

 

no I havent but I will check it out. thanks to all of you.

 

It does not happen all the time. I can think of at least 5 guys on these forums who ended up with sole custody. I'm sorry YOU got a raw deal, but it doesn't happen to everyone.

 

This would end the marriage for me. I have told my wife in no uncertain terms that I will try and forgive her for what she has done. I will work on making our marriage something that will make her happy and try to build the life together that we always wanted. I also told her that any further cheating of any kind, any contact with another man or woman that is anything but completely innocent and she would do with me sitting next to her is not acceptable. I told her I will not discuss it, I will not negotiate the lawyer will be the only person she speaks to.