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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My wife and I have been at odds for many years. FIghting about literally every topic one can think of. I am by no mean an angel, but I show my wife respect, do virtually everything she asks me to do, and I do try to be a great husband and dad. I sure I fall short on many things but she does too. I at least acknowledge my issues. However over last month things have been the worst they have ever been. Beginning of the month we started having major life arguments. One was over her being someplace that I thought she was to be but wasnt. Turns out I was wrong, I felt so bad I brought her an expensive "im sorry ring" which she didnt accept and got mad when I returned it (to be fair I left it in front of her for a week and it never moved). We kind of got past that, until my intuition told me something was off-she was staying at work late, dressing differently etc. My wrst fear confirmed when I found out she had been having an emotional affair with another married man. When I confronted her (as calm as possible) she told me to "leave her alone". Just earlier today we had a heart to heart and I asked her if she wanted to save this and if she felt remorse. She seemed to reluctantly say she was willing if things changed (duh) but with the remorse part she said she felt justified. When we were dating 10 years ago, we were very much off and on and basically had separate lives (even though we lived together). During on of our off moments I took a trip with a childhood friend and we wound up hooking up. Before this trip even took place, I had put her out of my apartment and even told her lets break up. so we werent even together when she alleges me cheating. We eventually reconciled and had two beautiful kids together. Now this happened and she feels justified. My question is why the **** did you get married and have two kids with me? She seems to have no remorse and that is what hurts the most.
 

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See a marriage counsellor. Whether you were together or not she's held that against you all this time, obviously the dynamics of your marriage are pretty bad, but the most important thing is you both want to fix it...but

She probably banged him, so unless you get the full truth you can't move forward. Working late and dressing differently are red flags.

If they banged what's your end game?
 

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You got no chance to save this if the affair is still going on (which it is) and she isn't remorseful.

Attorney time. Sorry.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
if they banged im out because about two weeks ago we had the most passionate week of sex since my daughter was conceived and knowing she banged another guy and then banged me would ****in kill me-to be honest, only reason im even considering this is my children and I genuinely love her. Im starting separate my emotions from it and considering what i would tell a friend if this happened to them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
easy to say-very hard to stop loving someone but i agree Im looking weak and feel like a ***** for this but I love my kids man-its imporatnt to me how they grow up
 

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Sounds as if she is having an exit affair. She isn't remorseful, and she blame-shifts. Before handing her the divorce, I would want to make the statement that she is ultimately responsible for this affair. It will not be forgiven or forgotten. She can now live with the consequences.
 
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
he lives 300 miles away, she met him on a vacation with her sister and my heart of hearts said they did it, but she says she did not-but like i should ****ing trust her. I asked if she was gonna cut him off and she said yes-but now im gonna be in hyper detective mode the next few weeks to see if she is sincere
 

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TK

How were they communicating? You need to get a hold of the text messages.

There is software out there that will recover deleted text messages.

Look at your phone bill and see how much they are texting.

You cannot trust her. She's lying.
 

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From your story, it's hard to see how the marriage works even if there never was an affair. I'm sure you love each other and there are good things between you, but there are some major issues which will make it difficult for this relationship to last decades.

The affair is a huge problem at the moment, but it's not the final problem you have to solve. Killing the affair is (relatively) straightforward, but then what? How do you rebuild the marriage so both of you are glad to be in it and it lasts for decades? The troubles you were having pretty much guaranteed that something bad would happen, such as divorce, affair, depression, etc. That doesn't mean the affair is justified in any way, but it's not unexpected. So after you kill the affair, you have to rebuild your marriage or else another bad thing will happen.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
TK

How were they communicating? You need to get a hold of the text messages.

There is software out there that will recover deleted text messages.

Look at your phone bill and see how much they are texting.

You cannot trust her. She's lying.
she was using whatsapp to message him and i found messages on her phone. FOr like 2 weeks Im seeing signs thinking im going crazy and being jealous-glad i trusted my instinct
 

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If they are still in communication, game over. I can't believe the audacity, that you should trust her. Nope nope nope. She tells you to leave her alone. I certainly would, locked out of my house, in the middle of the street, with all of her belongings strewn about. Attitude from a WW? Groveling and begging forgiveness maybe, but this b1tch? Have her served, and move on.
 
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first of all she is not remorseful....so not sure how you could even move ahead if she is not willing to accept her responsibilities and transgression. second she has not told you the truth but lied along the way...so how can you even be sure of anything that comes out of her mouth...if you go into reconciliation with out going through the discovery steps then all she will do is blame you, rug sweep this under you the doormat. are you positive the baby she has belongs to you?
 

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OP it is in your best interest to trust the information and suggestions(directions)that is to you by the good people of TAM. First off you do not trust anything she says cheaters or liars. You need to get a VAR (Voice activated recorder) place it in her car underneath the passenger seat it's usually you stick Velcro on the back of it under the seat. Get Dr. Phone 📱 software to recover all deleted text from her cell.
 

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he lives 300 miles away, she met him on a vacation with her sister and my heart of hearts said they did it, but she says she did not-but like i should ****ing trust her. I asked if she was gonna cut him off and she said yes-but now im gonna be in hyper detective mode the next few weeks to see if she is sincere
Cheaters lie a lot. Most want to believe the lies but unfortunalty you already know the truth.

It's just a question of accepting reality.

Sorry man but the truth is what you need
 

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if they banged im out because about two weeks ago we had the most passionate week of sex since my daughter was conceived and knowing she banged another guy and then banged me would ****in kill me-to be honest, only reason im even considering this is my children and I genuinely love her. Im starting separate my emotions from it and considering what i would tell a friend if this happened to them.
For some affairs can be exciting and thrilling, it's not uncommon that the wayward spouse either through guilt or just the thrill gets very sexual. It's good to see you're becoming more methodical in your approach to things and separating the emotions from it all. Get to the truth then proceed from there, it's all well and good being considerate to your kids, but at what cost? Living with a cheating wife who's not sorry?
 

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You'd be well advised to inform the other mans wife. Do it without warning and let them deal with the consequences.

Get rid of your weakness and take control of yourself. This is the most important first step.

Your first move should be exposure. Expose to your parents, her parents, close friends. If you know who POSOM is expose to his wife. You must knock her out of the affair fog.
Secondly, it is unclear from your posts, but was her sister a facilitator of the affair? Did she know and not tell you? Big problem if she knew.

Next is as other posters have told you get her phone and Dr Phone. You cannot trust anything she says. Do not appear weak.
Women respect strength not weakness. Do not give her any wiggle room. You must be bold in your actions towards her and do not rug sweep this ****.
 
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