[Muis]

Don't want to get into a long spiel about why my marriage isn't working only to say that we got married under difficult circumstances (not really my choice at the time) and my heart has never really been 100% open to my wife. I don't really feel it's fair on either of us for me to continue in this relationship any more if my heart really isn't in it.

So I told her I wanted to end it and she kept begging me to stay, refusing to accept that we should both move on.

What should I do? I don't want to keep stringing her along pretending that everything is fine when it isn't. I don't want to end up at this point again (where I have to break her heart all over again) after trying again and finding that it's not working.

She suggested that we have a separation after which she expects me to come back to her. Again, I don't think this is really fair on her as I don't want to be giving her false hope if after this "separation", I decide to be gone for good.

 

[Hope1964]

Do not stay just because she is begging you to. It is far kinder to make sure she knows where she really stands, right now.

I just replied to a thread from a wife who is in the process of begging her husband to stay with her, and told her she needs to let him go. Hopefully your wife has someone in her life who can tell her the same thing.

 

[Pravius]

You have to be honest with her, she and you will be better in the long run. Constantly reassure her that the pain will eventually go away and that there is a man out there for her who will treat her well.

Change the perspective and ask her how she would feel if she didn't love you but stayed out of fear of hurting the other person.

 

[stopandmakecoffee]

Don't want to get into a long spiel about why my marriage isn't working only to say that we got married under difficult circumstances (not really my choice at the time) and my heart has never really been 100% open to my wife. I don't really feel it's fair on either of us for me to continue in this relationship any more if my heart really isn't in it.

and why did you marry her anyway?
you were to know that marriage wasn't all about flowers and stuff, and you haven't been honest 100% with her yet you expect your marriage to work? pft.
your wife sensed your 'not 100% honest' and she waved the yellow card, and there, just like that, you shrugged it off, saying,'Oh well, you make the call'.
that IMO, equals to irresponsible, immature.

So I told her I wanted to end it and she kept begging me to stay, refusing to accept that we should both move on.

move on or running away? have you two tried to sit and talk, open your hearts and work the problem out? If you haven't then you simply just want to run away.

What should I do? I don't want to keep stringing her along pretending that everything is fine when it isn't. I don't want to end up at this point again (where I have to break her heart all over again) after trying again and finding that it's not working.

everything is not fine, hence, be an adult, man up and face the problem, fix it, manage it.
or do you have an affair, something that makes you feel nothing toward your wife? this doesn't sound right to me, need more data.

She suggested that we have a separation after which she expects me to come back to her. Again, I don't think this is really fair on her as I don't want to be giving her false hope if after this "separation", I decide to be gone for good.

she still loves you, because she still expects things to work out with you and your 'secrecy'.she wants to give you some space. i think she actually acts like an adult.

 

[Treading]

Are you happy with who you are as a person?
Not as a husband, but as who YOU are?

Life is not always fantastic.
We are given things that we may not always like, but have to deal with.
It is what we do with those things that make us who we are.

If you are happy and secure with who you are as a person, and are simply not happy in your marriage, then move on.
If there is something lacking within yourself, then give it time, talk to your wife and work on yourself so you can deal with what it is inside of you that is making you unhappy.

You did not give too many details on why you want to go, but if the problem is an emptiness inside of you, it will not matter if you are with your wife or with someone else, you will not ever be happy.
No person can fill that void.

 

[behappy123]

How was it not your choice to get married? The circumstances may have been difficult but it takes TWO people to get married and you contributed to it as much as she did. If you didn't want to marry her in the first place, you shouldn't have.

Your wife is begging you because A. she probably doesn't understand where this is coming from. B. Still loves you and wants to make it works or C. Has self esteem issues.

Have you tried to make it work with her? I can't tell you what to do in your marriage but I would hope that you would at least try to make it work if you haven’t done so already. Is there something in the marriage that is making you unhappy?

If you are dead set on leaving, you need to pull the band aid off as fast as possible so your wife can start moving on without you.

 

[willibeok]

Have you guys ever sit down and talk? Why do not more open to her?

Marriage is all about two people working hard to solute the problem and make compromise. Don't give up any marriage easily.