My wife and I have struggled with her aversion / indifference to sex. I think any men having a problem with indifferent and almost impersonal sex should take a look at this.
Background
When my wife and I started dating as teenagers and eventually became sexual with each other, everything was amazing and great. She was initiating, she was very interested in it, and we both felt a deep connection with each other. We were terrified of getting pregnant, though, so she eventually started taking the birth control pill. Not too long after she took the birth control pill, we moved in together. After several years of living together and graduating from college, we got married.
For a while I do not think the pill was lowering her libido, but it eventually made her rather uninterested in sex. Sex slowly started tapering off, and that was a big problem for me. To fix the problem I started trying to seduce her more often. I would try giving her back scratches and massages that would turn her on, I would specifically get movies that had sex scenes in them, and I would try to make it known when I wanted to have sex with her.
This worked at first, but after a while she felt that I was pestering her. I felt very disheartened that I couldn't get a rise out of her, so I would try even harder. This would just make her feel more pressured into having sex with me, and my actions hurt more than they help. We eventually came to an agreement on this topic - she would make sure that she would have sex with me at least once a week. She would also try to be as receptive as possible for sex when I wanted it more than once a week.
The Problem
The main problem is that, after years of her feeling obligated to have sex with me and having negative emotions associated with sex, she is much more detached and colder in bed. This is a problem that has been eating away at me for a while now, and only recently have we discussed it and agreed to do something about it. Our first course of action was to get her off of the birth control pill, which we both strongly believe was causing a severe drop in her sex drive.
It has ~1 month from when she stopped taking the pill, and although there was one time we had passionate sex again (a fluke imo) she still has the same mindset about it. Both of our best guesses is that she is uninterested in sex because I have conditioned her to do so.
The (Possible) Solution
I've been looking around crazily in trying to find out how to fix this. Now that she is off of the birth control pill, I am really concerned that the problem won't fix itself. I came across an article yesterday that described us very well, and offers up a potential solution.
How to overcome a sexual aversion
I can't help but get extremely excited in finding something like this. This situation describes us almost down to the bone. The largest difference is that she doesn't have strong negative emotions associated with sex, she just has a lack of positive emotions associated with it.
For those who don't want to read it, it essentially tells the wife to start some meditation techniques. She is supposed to take 15 minutes each day, completely relax herself, and visualize and think about sex. I believe that the purpose behind this is to associate the feeling of relaxation with sex. I also think it is to help her feel sexually aroused again.
Questions
Has anyone tried anything like this before? Was it successful? Has anyone else had a problem similar to ours? Did you eventually fix it? How did you do so? Any thoughts would be appreciated
Keep in mind
I know someone is going to want to give me the "man up" advice. I'm in the process of doing just that, even though my wife doesn't think I'm weak or unmanly in any sense. I have been working out intensely, hanging out with my bros more often, and making sure that I'm not walked over by my wife.
Also, my wife is not having an affair of any sort.
Background
When my wife and I started dating as teenagers and eventually became sexual with each other, everything was amazing and great. She was initiating, she was very interested in it, and we both felt a deep connection with each other. We were terrified of getting pregnant, though, so she eventually started taking the birth control pill. Not too long after she took the birth control pill, we moved in together. After several years of living together and graduating from college, we got married.
For a while I do not think the pill was lowering her libido, but it eventually made her rather uninterested in sex. Sex slowly started tapering off, and that was a big problem for me. To fix the problem I started trying to seduce her more often. I would try giving her back scratches and massages that would turn her on, I would specifically get movies that had sex scenes in them, and I would try to make it known when I wanted to have sex with her.
This worked at first, but after a while she felt that I was pestering her. I felt very disheartened that I couldn't get a rise out of her, so I would try even harder. This would just make her feel more pressured into having sex with me, and my actions hurt more than they help. We eventually came to an agreement on this topic - she would make sure that she would have sex with me at least once a week. She would also try to be as receptive as possible for sex when I wanted it more than once a week.
The Problem
The main problem is that, after years of her feeling obligated to have sex with me and having negative emotions associated with sex, she is much more detached and colder in bed. This is a problem that has been eating away at me for a while now, and only recently have we discussed it and agreed to do something about it. Our first course of action was to get her off of the birth control pill, which we both strongly believe was causing a severe drop in her sex drive.
It has ~1 month from when she stopped taking the pill, and although there was one time we had passionate sex again (a fluke imo) she still has the same mindset about it. Both of our best guesses is that she is uninterested in sex because I have conditioned her to do so.
The (Possible) Solution
I've been looking around crazily in trying to find out how to fix this. Now that she is off of the birth control pill, I am really concerned that the problem won't fix itself. I came across an article yesterday that described us very well, and offers up a potential solution.
How to overcome a sexual aversion
I can't help but get extremely excited in finding something like this. This situation describes us almost down to the bone. The largest difference is that she doesn't have strong negative emotions associated with sex, she just has a lack of positive emotions associated with it.
For those who don't want to read it, it essentially tells the wife to start some meditation techniques. She is supposed to take 15 minutes each day, completely relax herself, and visualize and think about sex. I believe that the purpose behind this is to associate the feeling of relaxation with sex. I also think it is to help her feel sexually aroused again.
Questions
Has anyone tried anything like this before? Was it successful? Has anyone else had a problem similar to ours? Did you eventually fix it? How did you do so? Any thoughts would be appreciated
Keep in mind
I know someone is going to want to give me the "man up" advice. I'm in the process of doing just that, even though my wife doesn't think I'm weak or unmanly in any sense. I have been working out intensely, hanging out with my bros more often, and making sure that I'm not walked over by my wife.
Also, my wife is not having an affair of any sort.