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You know, I smh at the level of vitriol that is shown on here. VR's WW betrayed him. She gave in to weakness, stupidity, and lust. That doesn't make her a sociopath. It makes her human.

Does she deserve to be divorced for her actions? Obviously. VR has acted with great strength in dealing with her so far. We are all in admiration for the strength he has shown.

But, there is a point at which, we in the peanut gallery need to back off with the "burn the biotch" advice. VR seems fully capable of judging what she is capable of.

Three weeks ago they were acting as a normal married couple. She had seemed to learn a hard lesson from the negatives of her affair. She was hoping to take it to the grave. Now her worst fears have come to fruition.

All I am saying is.... if she is pregnant, that doesn't necessarily mean she has become some sort of monster. VR is going to have a tough time dealing with all of this as it is without a bunch of worst case scenarios being thrown his way.

This post has drawn so much interest, not because his wife's affair was so unusual, (actually, it is pretty ho-hum) but the strength and speed with which he has reacted is something that is unusual. That is why we all are really attracted to this post. Most victims of infidelity are so stunned they are in limbo for a long time. We admire him because of his strength.
 

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You know, I smh at the level of vitriol that is shown on here. VR's WW betrayed him. She gave in to weakness, stupidity, and lust. That doesn't make her a sociopath. It makes her human.

Does she deserve to be divorced for her actions? Obviously. VR has acted with great strength in dealing with her so far. We are all in admiration for the strength he has shown.

But, there is a point at which, we in the peanut gallery need to back off with the "burn the biotch" advice. VR seems fully capable of judging what she is capable of.

Three weeks ago they were acting as a normal married couple. She had seemed to learn a hard lesson from the negatives of her affair. She was hoping to take it to the grave. Now her worst fears have come to fruition.

All I am saying is.... if she is pregnant, that doesn't necessarily mean she has become some sort of monster. VR is going to have a tough time dealing with all of this as it is without a bunch of worst case scenarios being thrown his way.

This post has drawn so much interest, not because his wife's affair was so unusual, (actually, it is pretty ho-hum) but the strength and speed with which he has reacted is something that is unusual. That is why we all are really attracted to this post. Most victims of infidelity are so stunned they are in limbo for a long time. We admire him because of his strength.
I don't understand this post. Are you admonishing posters for their advice on this thread? Don't you think if something was out of line a mod would have taken control?

And just saying... she's (the wife) only human, really??? Hard no. There are millions of*humans* who would never cheat. Not even in a really bad marriage, which this one wasn't.
 

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Discussion Starter · #844 ·
Hi VR,

If you nicely ask her to take a drug store pregnancy test with you, do you think she will? With these current tests, you can get a positive even before your period is due and they are very accurate. It's better than waiting until her appointment.
I talked to her a while ago regarding plans for her to come by tomorrow to pick up some things. Based on that conversation I'm sure she would if I asked. .. the scheduled pickup has changed from tomorrow evening to Saturday morning. Its possible I'll ask her then. Not sure at this point.
 

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Discussion Starter · #845 ·
You know, I smh at the level of vitriol that is shown on here. VR's WW betrayed him. She gave in to weakness, stupidity, and lust. That doesn't make her a sociopath. It makes her human.

Does she deserve to be divorced for her actions? Obviously. VR has acted with great strength in dealing with her so far. We are all in admiration for the strength he has shown.

But, there is a point at which, we in the peanut gallery need to back off with the "burn the biotch" advice. VR seems fully capable of judging what she is capable of.

Three weeks ago they were acting as a normal married couple. She had seemed to learn a hard lesson from the negatives of her affair. She was hoping to take it to the grave. Now her worst fears have come to fruition.

All I am saying is.... if she is pregnant, that doesn't necessarily mean she has become some sort of monster. VR is going to have a tough time dealing with all of this as it is without a bunch of worst case scenarios being thrown his way.

This post has drawn so much interest, not because his wife's affair was so unusual, (actually, it is pretty ho-hum) but the strength and speed with which he has reacted is something that is unusual. That is why we all are really attracted to this post. Most victims of infidelity are so stunned they are in limbo for a long time. We admire him because of his strength.
Don't give me too much credit. First, it was more of a reflex on how I reacted. Second, I had the benefit of know 100% what happened. Third, I'm still processing and it's a huge struggle.
 

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Discussion Starter · #846 ·
I don't understand this post. Are you admonishing posters for their advice on this thread? Don't you think if something was out of line a mod would have taken control?

And just saying... she's (the wife) only human, really??? Hard no. There are millions of*humans* who would never cheat. Not even in a really bad marriage, which this one wasn't.
I think @skerzoid is looking out for me on different level than some posters. I mean all of you have had my best interest at heart and appreciate it. I think he though is probably more in tune with the feelings I still have for STBX. I mean it does bother me when she is called cheater and other names. And she is maligned. I get it. I know she brought that on herself but I'm still her husband and yes I still have string feeling for her.

I hope I explained that right. Not trying to run anyone off or question anyone's intentions. It's a lot to process and the feelings just don't go away.
 

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Last time you had sex with her was the day before you found out. About 3 weeks ago, you were away on business.....she's a cheater.

Hopefully she's not pregnant, then it's a clean break.
I don't see a reason to poly. One affair or a hundred does not matter.
I think in your case where you have so much irrefutable evidence and you are ending the marriage anyway, it's not needed.
 

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I think @skerzoid is looking out for me on different level than some posters. I mean all of you have had my best interest at heart and appreciate it. I think he though is probably more in tune with the feelings I still have for STBX. I mean it does bother me when she is called cheater and other names. And she is maligned. I get it. I know she brought that on herself but I'm still her husband and yes I still have string feeling for her.

I hope I explained that right. Not trying to run anyone off or question anyone's intentions. It's a lot to process and the feelings just don't go away.
Don't let the voices of a few be so loud that they drown out the voices of the whole. There are a few bullies here who are ready to attack anyone who has a different opinion. But in their defense, many if not most of them have personal experiences that hurt them tremendously, and they strike out at others who are causing similar pain for others. To an extent, it's easy to understand why they do so. Life is complicated. Just don't take anything you read on an anonymous forum too seriously. You never know if the sex-starved beauty queen is really an overweight computer programmer in his mother's basement.
 

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I think in your case where you have so much irrefutable evidence and you are ending the marriage anyway, it's not needed.
Herein lies the distinction between contributing posters and original posters. The best contributing posts are ones that distinguishes the difference and consciously responds with an understanding of this dynamic.
 

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I talked to her a while ago regarding plans for her to come by tomorrow to pick up some things. Based on that conversation I'm sure she would if I asked. .. the scheduled pickup has changed from tomorrow evening to Saturday morning. Its possible I'll ask her then. Not sure at this point.
It it were me the sooner I knew for sure the better so I could get things straight in my mind and plan ahead and not be filling my mind with 'what if's,' but if you aren't in a hurry then it's not so important and you can wait a couple more weeks.
I would guess that a test now would be pretty near 100% accurate so I myself would go for it. I am betting she may well have done another one by now anyway, especially as she had one negative test.
 

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I think @skerzoid is looking out for me on different level than some posters. I mean all of you have had my best interest at heart and appreciate it. I think he though is probably more in tune with the feelings I still have for STBX. I mean it does bother me when she is called cheater and other names. And she is maligned. I get it. I know she brought that on herself but I'm still her husband and yes I still have string feeling for her.

I hope I explained that right. Not trying to run anyone off or question anyone's intentions. It's a lot to process and the feelings just don't go away.
I'm curious, why does it bother you if someone refers to her as a cheater? Do you not truly believe she did in fact cheat?
 

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I’ve not been keeping up with this thread in real time. I read the first several posts when the thread was first started and have tried to catch up here and there when I have a few moments. I won’t comment here beyond this post because given my own situation I don’t think I am an appropriate person to offer any advice to OP and will probably be more triggering than anything else. Nobody wants a psychopath posting in there thread anyway, right? But I do want to wish you the best @VintageRetro and hope you can make the best decisions for yourself, which you seem to be doing so far. I hope your wife’s pregnancy test is negative, since that is what you are hoping for. You seem like a great guy. I do sincerely hope that everything works out for you. I will be following along silently and keeping your situation in my thoughts.
 

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I'm curious, why does it bother you if someone refers to her as a cheater? Do you not truly believe she did in fact cheat?
After a long relationship part of our identity is wrapped up with our partner. Their failings can feel like our failings. At least that is where I believe the reaction to calling a shovel and shovel comes from.
 

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I'm curious, why does it bother you if someone refers to her as a cheater? Do you not truly believe she did in fact cheat?
I'll take a stab at this and say that it's because they're married. They got married with the dreams and desires to build a future together, filled their lives with love for one another, and became each other's best friend. You can't just let that go with the snap of a finger. They will both still care for one another for years to come, probably, but that doesn't mean that they necessarily want to stay married.
 

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Discussion Starter · #856 ·
I'm curious, why does it bother you if someone refers to her as a cheater? Do you not truly believe she did in fact cheat?
We'll be because I'm my mind we are apart but my heart is having a harder time listening.

Probably the best way I can explain it is if it was easy for me to move on then I would be as bad as she was.. she was able to compartmentalize our marriage to cheat. I can't do that with my feelings.
 

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Discussion Starter · #857 ·
I’ve not been keeping up with this thread in real time. I read the first several posts when the thread was first started and have tried to catch up here and there when I have a few moments. I won’t comment here beyond this post because given my own situation I don’t think I am an appropriate person to offer any advice to OP and will probably be more triggering than anything else. Nobody wants a psychopath posting in there thread anyway, right? But I do want to wish you the best @VintageRetro and hope you can make the best decisions for yourself, which you seem to be doing so far. I hope your wife’s pregnancy test is negative, since that is what you are hoping for. You seem like a great guy. I do sincerely hope that everything works out for you. I will be following along silently and keeping your situation in my thoughts.
Thank you. I guess I missed something about the psychopath reference.. anyway. I wish you the best too.

You're welcome to post. I just want to be honest with you and say it's hard for me to gather too much sympathy for your situation. This is not normal for me and it once again reminds me of how this experience is changing me. I do not like a lot of things in my life right now and one of them is me. I don't like the person I am right this minute. From the inability to hold my wife, to the anger I feel toward her. It's a twisted mindset I do not like. I was raised to be supportive and compassionate..right now I'm angry and bitter and whine a lot. I don't like that.

As for her pregnancy, we spent all year last year in lockdown planning and talking about this. It was something I very much wanted. But I, like many betrayed, didn't get that choice to make an informed decision because we were lied to and told how much we are loved. Then we learn that the love is easily put in a box and closed up tight for an hour while the supposed love of our lives has sex with someone else. Then picks that box up. Opens it and puts on the "love" and wears it like nothing happened... It's hard to see the smile on your wife's face when she's walking out of a hotel room after having sex with someone else. You don't forget that.

Good luck.
 

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We'll be because I'm my mind we are apart but my heart is having a harder time listening.

Probably the best way I can explain it is if it was easy for me to move on then I would be as bad as she was.. she was able to compartmentalize our marriage to cheat. I can't do that with my feelings.
Goodness of course you can't just move on just like that. She is your wife who you love. It's a grief, you need to grieve your marriage and her. Even though your marriage has been short, you still had hopes and dreams of the future with her and now that has gone.
It will take time.
 

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Thank you. I guess I missed something about the psychopath reference.. anyway. I wish you the best too.

You're welcome to post. I just want to be honest with you and say it's hard for me to gather too much sympathy for your situation. This is not normal for me and it once again reminds me of how this experience is changing me. I do not like a lot of things in my life right now and one of them is me. I don't like the person I am right this minute. From the inability to hold my wife, to the anger I feel toward her. It's a twisted mindset I do not like. I was raised to be supportive and compassionate..right now I'm angry and bitter and whine a lot. I don't like that.

As for her pregnancy, we spent all year last year in lockdown planning and talking about this. It was something I very much wanted. But I, like many betrayed, didn't get that choice to make an informed decision because we were lied to and told how much we are loved. Then we learn that the love is easily put in a box and closed up tight for an hour while the supposed love of our lives has sex with someone else. Then picks that box up. Opens it and puts on the "love" and wears it like nothing happened... It's hard to see the smile on your wife's face when she's walking out of a hotel room after having sex with someone else. You don't forget that.

Good luck.
Bravo!! Simply Bravo!
 

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I'll take a stab at this and say that it's because they're married. They got married with the dreams and desires to build a future together, filled their lives with love for one another, and became each other's best friend. You can't just let that go with the snap of a finger. They will both still care for one another for years to come, probably, but that doesn't mean that they necessarily want to stay married.
Ursula, my question was why he didn't like the word cheater to describe his wife. It wasn't about staying married or not staying married or caring or not. You can still love someone, even stay with them after infidelity, but still use the word cheater to describe what they did.
 
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