You have to read the whole thread. You can't skim it or jump in the middle and understand all of the mental gymnastics that she (and you) are going through. The thread is very helpful to some people in similar situations. You may find it helpful in understanding what your STBXW is thinking. You will also see that people who have been destroyed by infidelity can become ruthless bullies. That's not you, but you will recognize it when you see it.I read that thread some early on but had to stop. Too early for me to be objective.