Forgive the long post...
My wife and I have been separated for a little over 3 months. During the initial couple weeks, it was a lot of shock and confusion on my part. Sure, I knew we weren't doing great, but I never thought that we'd hit that point. Since that time, things have over time, settled down.
We never really fought during our marriage. We never really fought much during the separation either. We've come to agreements on things like custody/visitation, division of assets, etc. Almost immediately after the separation, we agreed to begin working with a divorce mediator. I reluctantly did so, because I didn't like the idea of us trying to reconcile and head for divorce at the same time. Her argument was that we might get ugly later and she wanted to make sure we agreed to things before it turned that way. (That made me suspicious)
I found out a little later that she had cheated on me. I was devastated for a while. Then, after a lot of reflection on the subject and the circumstances that led her to that place, I confronted her. She was shocked/embarrassed/guilt-stricken and she told me that we could never reconcile. I told her that had forgiven her and we continued to talk.
I didn't understand it at the time, but I was pressuring her a bunch to come back home. And, my impatience led me to confront her and end our reconciliation talks so that I could clear my head and accept that we were done. I could never get anything out of her that led me to believe that we might reconcile.
I ended up dating somebody for a few weeks after that, and once she found out about it, she finally started to show signs that she still cared. I have since broken off all ties with the other lady in favor of trying with my wife.
Since then, we started meeting for lunch multiple times a week and having good conversation, some of these talking about what she was doing in therapy, etc. We even went out a couple times for some fun daytime dates (bowling/shooting pool/lunch). It showed that we are still capable of having a good time together.
Anyway, fast forward to Thanksgiving. We spent the holiday itself apart, but we took our kids and took a trip to Branson together as a family, each of us sleeping in a bed with one of the kids). It was nice to be under the same roof again. I actually got some great sleep that night. It was a fun trip overall.
We started talking about spending Christmas together. (She has our kids on Christmas morning) This past week, we attended my company Christmas party as a family, her Company Christmas party, her family's Christmas celebration on Saturday, and another Christmas gettogether. Basically, we more or less spent every day last week together in one form or another.
We aren't 'dating' at this point, but we have agreed to take the divorce off the table until we know for sure if one or both of us wants to go that way. I am going to start seeing her therapist in early January and we are supposed to see her together shortly after that.
What I want to ask is... do you think she's only having us be together for the holidays as nostalgia? Or do you think she is reconsidering the idea of us getting back together at some point? We have an open-ended separation right now. Trying to let both of us grow and heal and see if ultimately we can be together again. I just can't help but wonder if when the holidays end, we will be back on the road to divorce.
I am a changed man. I know where my half of things went wrong and I never want to be there again. I don't know if she can get past the past though and look forward to a future with the man that she married only better.
My wife and I have been separated for a little over 3 months. During the initial couple weeks, it was a lot of shock and confusion on my part. Sure, I knew we weren't doing great, but I never thought that we'd hit that point. Since that time, things have over time, settled down.
We never really fought during our marriage. We never really fought much during the separation either. We've come to agreements on things like custody/visitation, division of assets, etc. Almost immediately after the separation, we agreed to begin working with a divorce mediator. I reluctantly did so, because I didn't like the idea of us trying to reconcile and head for divorce at the same time. Her argument was that we might get ugly later and she wanted to make sure we agreed to things before it turned that way. (That made me suspicious)
I found out a little later that she had cheated on me. I was devastated for a while. Then, after a lot of reflection on the subject and the circumstances that led her to that place, I confronted her. She was shocked/embarrassed/guilt-stricken and she told me that we could never reconcile. I told her that had forgiven her and we continued to talk.
I didn't understand it at the time, but I was pressuring her a bunch to come back home. And, my impatience led me to confront her and end our reconciliation talks so that I could clear my head and accept that we were done. I could never get anything out of her that led me to believe that we might reconcile.
I ended up dating somebody for a few weeks after that, and once she found out about it, she finally started to show signs that she still cared. I have since broken off all ties with the other lady in favor of trying with my wife.
Since then, we started meeting for lunch multiple times a week and having good conversation, some of these talking about what she was doing in therapy, etc. We even went out a couple times for some fun daytime dates (bowling/shooting pool/lunch). It showed that we are still capable of having a good time together.
Anyway, fast forward to Thanksgiving. We spent the holiday itself apart, but we took our kids and took a trip to Branson together as a family, each of us sleeping in a bed with one of the kids). It was nice to be under the same roof again. I actually got some great sleep that night. It was a fun trip overall.
We started talking about spending Christmas together. (She has our kids on Christmas morning) This past week, we attended my company Christmas party as a family, her Company Christmas party, her family's Christmas celebration on Saturday, and another Christmas gettogether. Basically, we more or less spent every day last week together in one form or another.
We aren't 'dating' at this point, but we have agreed to take the divorce off the table until we know for sure if one or both of us wants to go that way. I am going to start seeing her therapist in early January and we are supposed to see her together shortly after that.
What I want to ask is... do you think she's only having us be together for the holidays as nostalgia? Or do you think she is reconsidering the idea of us getting back together at some point? We have an open-ended separation right now. Trying to let both of us grow and heal and see if ultimately we can be together again. I just can't help but wonder if when the holidays end, we will be back on the road to divorce.
I am a changed man. I know where my half of things went wrong and I never want to be there again. I don't know if she can get past the past though and look forward to a future with the man that she married only better.
