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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Not sure why I'm posting this. Maybe just venting. Most of you know my story. Just biding my time until after the holidays and hope I have the courage to file. Really scares me.

One night a couple of weeks ago I just asked my wife "In your mind, what would it take for me to not want a divorce? To stay and save our marriage?" The reason I asked is because I just can't figure out what's going on in her mind as we sit on the brink of divorce and she's treating me worse than before. Yet she says repeatedly to me and everyone else she absolutely does not want to divorce.

I really didn't expect a reply but a few days later she said she wanted to answer me. She pretty much said the same things. Me being nicer to her; going out on a date, etc. Not one world about what "she" needed to work on. I told her I was sorry but I just didn't believe her. She's said these things for years and never does any of it. She might go out and buy me a card and then say "she's tried" to save our marriage. I don't get it. Guess I never will.

I finally told her the bottom line is no physical contact, then no more marriage. And that if that 500 pound gorilla can't be fixed, then there's zero need in discussing anything else that might be wrong. She said she didn't know how to approach me and was afraid I would get mad. I told her if she had surprised me one morning by sneaking in the shower with me or something, I could promise her unequivocally that I would not have gotten mad. She just has some hangup about sex. It's like it almost embarrases her or something. And she's in her 40's. I suggested a sex therapist once and she said flat out no.

All thoughts welcomed. Thanks.
 

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I tried to skim through a few of your threads. I didn't look too hard, but the majority of what I saw was you asking about the financial impact of divorce more than anything.

What is your story, is it a lack of sex, infidelity or something else? Sorry to ask you to rehash, but maybe you can point out where and which thread your story is posted for reference. Otherwise, I have no comment either way until I learn more about your story.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I tried to skim through a few of your threads. I didn't look too hard, but the majority of what I saw was you asking about the financial impact of divorce more than anything.

What is your story, is it a lack of sex, infidelity or something else? Sorry to ask you to rehash, but maybe you can point out where and which thread your story is posted for reference. Otherwise, I have no comment either way until I learn more about your story.
I suppose I don't really have a single post that tells me entire story. In a nutshell, I've tried everything I know how (counselor agrees) and I'm through with the marriage. Separated twice. Went back the first time to give it one more try. Went back the second time because she wouldn't do uncontested and I couldn't afford to support two households. Been saving money since and plan to pay the lawyer in January or February and get things moving. She goes through life like a teenager. Wants to be taken care of with no responsibility of her own. Has no life-skills. And we haven't been intimate in years (her choice). We have two kids at home, 10 and 13.
 

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Not sure why I'm posting this. Maybe just venting. Most of you know my story. Just biding my time until after the holidays and hope I have the courage to file. Really scares me.

One night a couple of weeks ago I just asked my wife "In your mind, what would it take for me to not want a divorce? To stay and save our marriage?" The reason I asked is because I just can't figure out what's going on in her mind as we sit on the brink of divorce and she's treating me worse than before. Yet she says repeatedly to me and everyone else she absolutely does not want to divorce.

I really didn't expect a reply but a few days later she said she wanted to answer me. She pretty much said the same things. Me being nicer to her; going out on a date, etc. Not one world about what "she" needed to work on. I told her I was sorry but I just didn't believe her. She's said these things for years and never does any of it. She might go out and buy me a card and then say "she's tried" to save our marriage. I don't get it. Guess I never will.

I finally told her the bottom line is no physical contact, then no more marriage. And that if that 500 pound gorilla can't be fixed, then there's zero need in discussing anything else that might be wrong. She said she didn't know how to approach me and was afraid I would get mad. I told her if she had surprised me one morning by sneaking in the shower with me or something, I could promise her unequivocally that I would not have gotten mad. She just has some hangup about sex. It's like it almost embarrases her or something. And she's in her 40's. I suggested a sex therapist once and she said flat out no.

All thoughts welcomed. Thanks.
If it wasn't for her age, I'd swear you are writing about my wife!
 
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