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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi Guys and gals.

I'll try and keep this short and to the point but sometimes a bit of context is needed.

One of my wife's male colleagues caused issues in our relationship a few years ago as she would not stop talking about him and how great he was. He even offered to take me out for a drink to tell me how great she was. He was and is married by the way. These things on their own weren't too concerning but what was concerning at the time was this.

She went to a Xmas party a few years ago which was in a different county. It was a 3 hour drive. She told me she was driving up herself as she wanted to leave early the next morning and didn’t want to be waiting on her colleagues following a night of drink. No problem, suit yourself. So she came home the next day and after I came home from work, she said she wanted to get intimate later that night. Pre planning never happens from her side as she never really iniatiates. Anyway, through conversation it came out that after their night at the bar/club they all went back to one of her other male colleague’s hotel bedroom to have more drink, as the bar was closed. Apparently all her colleagues were there, who are all married. Mostly guys but one or two females too. She then tells me that she didn't actually drive up alone but had collected her work colleague, the same guy who caused issues in our relationship, and they drove up to the city where the xmas night out was being held. She also dropped him home the next day. For me, I became suspicious straight away. We spoke and she became angry that I would even insinuate that something was going on between them. I insinuated nothing, I was just bothered as to why she omitted the fact. We eventually forgot about it and moved on and I didn't hear any more about him again, until now!

My wife was at a retirement function for another colleague 3 weeks ago. This was in the same town she works in. She assumed I didn't want to go as I don't really like her work dos, which is a fair point. She also didn't exactly invite me but fair is fair.

Anyhow, she said she would book a room in the hotel where the function was on. A taxi home would have cost 60 euro, whereas the hotel cost 50 euro. I also offered to collect her (25 minute drive) but she said it would be too late in the morning.

My gut told me to check her phone the other day. I've only done this once and that was after she told me about the Xmas party 5 years ago. Low and behold, she had an outgoing call at 12am to one of her male colleagues at the retirement function. The same colleague she drove to the Xmas party with all those years ago and who caused me to distrust her. I have never heard him been mentioned in the last 5 years. She also had 6 missed calls from him just before she made that outgoing call.

My gut is screaming at me, telling me that something is not right.

I'd appreciate anybodys input or thoughts
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
She’s cheating on you and she’s done it before. How much more proof do you need?
That's the point. That is not proof. She could make any old excuse up regarding those calls.

She told me the reason she didn't tell me about driving with him to the party beforehand was that I would get paranoid. No ****!!
 

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She went to a Xmas party a few years ago which was in a different county. It was a 3 hour drive. She told me she was driving up herself as she wanted to leave early the next morning and didn’t want to be waiting on her colleagues following a night of drink. No problem, suit yourself. So she came home the next day and after I came home from work, she said she wanted to get intimate later that night. Pre planning never happens from her side as she never really iniatiates. Anyway, through conversation it came out that after their night at the bar/club they all went back to one of her other male colleague’s hotel bedroom to have more drink, as the bar was closed. Apparently all her colleagues were there, who are all married. Mostly guys but one or two females too. She then tells me that she didn't actually drive up alone but had collected her work colleague,
It was pre planned. She left early to spend more time with him.


the same guy who caused issues in our relationship, and they drove up to the city where the xmas night out was being held. She also dropped him home the next day. For me, I became suspicious straight away. We spoke and she became angry that I would even insinuate that something was going on between them. I insinuated nothing, I was just bothered as to why she omitted the fact. We eventually forgot about it and moved on and I didn't hear any more about him again, until now!
She learned to hide it.

She went to a Xmas party a few years ago which was in a different county. It was a 3 hour drive. She told me she was driving up herself as she wanted to leave early the next morning and didn’t want to be waiting on her colleagues following a night of drink. No problem, suit yourself. So she came home the next day and after I came home from work, she said she wanted to get intimate later that night. Pre planning never happens from her side as she never really iniatiates. Anyway, through conversation it came out that after their night at the bar/club they all went back to one of her other male colleague’s hotel bedroom to have more drink, as the bar was closed. Apparently all her colleagues were there, who are all married. Mostly guys but one or two females too. She then tells me that she didn't actually drive up alone but had collected her work colleague, the same guy who caused issues in our relationship, and they drove up to the city where the xmas night out was being held. She also dropped him home the next day. For me, I became suspicious straight away. We spoke and she became angry that I would even insinuate that something was going on between them. I insinuated nothing, I was just bothered as to why she omitted the fact. We eventually forgot about it and moved on and I didn't hear any more about him again, until now!


My wife was at a retirement function for another colleague 3 weeks ago. This was in the same town she works in. She assumed I didn't want to go as I don't really like her work dos, which is a fair point. She also didn't exactly invite me but fair is fair.
She didn’t want you there

Anyhow, she said she would book a room in the hotel where the function was on. A taxi home would have cost 60 euro, whereas the hotel cost 50 euro. I also offered to collect her (25 minute drive) but she said it would be too late in the morning.
She had plans

My gut told me to check her phone the other day. I've only done this once and that was after she told me about the Xmas party 5 years ago. Low and behold, she had an outgoing call at 12am to one of her male colleagues at the retirement function. The same colleague she drove to the Xmas party with all those years ago and who caused me to distrust her. I have never heard him been mentioned in the last 5 years. She also had 6 missed calls from him just before she made that outgoing call.

My gut is screaming at me, telling me that something is not right.

I'd appreciate anybodys input or thoughts
Go online and check your phone bill. I’d bet you’ll see more texts/calls. Go back over the past year. You can usually download and sort the data.
I doubt this is a one time thing.
 

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It might be a wise move to put a voice activated recorder in her car Velcro’d under the seat. Read up on how to use one. Since you have to be convinced on what her actions already tell you.
Ask yourself this. If you corroborate what it looks like what will your actions be?
Are you going to divorce her? If not then why bother. Talking about it won’t get you a thing.
Keep your eyes and ears open and mouth shut. All you’re doing is tipping her off.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I don't have access to her phone records, only her actual phone.

The last call between them, according to her phone, was 3 weeks ago at that work do.

I've been paranoid of late if I'm honest. She went to a bachelorette party over a month ago. It was overnight at a hotel. When she came home, she hugged me and asked if we could go to bed early that night. The last time she done something like that was 5 years ago after she went to Xmas do with this work colleague.
 

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I don't have access to her phone records, only her actual phone.

The last call between them, according to her phone, was 3 weeks ago at that work do.

I've been paranoid of late if I'm honest. She went to a bachelorette party over a month ago. It was overnight at a hotel. When she came home, she hugged me and asked if we could go to bed early that night. The last time she done something like that was 5 years ago after she went to Xmas do with this work colleague.
She is horny when she comes home and wants you to get her AP's sloppy seconds. She must get off on it.
 

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Either enjoying cuckolding you, or feeling guilty for what she’s done.

what I can’t wrap my head around is you tolerating overnight stays at bachelorette parties, taking men home at all hours, and after screwing them, etc.

YOUR boundaries are non existent. We’ve seen passive behavior from men a lot lately.
Why are you so scared to lose a cheater? What is true of her that you feel can’t be replaced? You say you love her. Do you feel she’s the only woman you could ever love? I assure you you’re wrong if so.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I'd say the latter.

Over nights at bachelorette parties? That is totally the norm where I am from.

We have kids and a mortgage. I need solid proof that she is cheating. But if someone else wrote what I wrote, I would say its cheating all day long.

I do love her, but I'm not in love with her.
 

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I'd say the latter.

Over nights at bachelorette parties? That is totally the norm where I am from.

We have kids and a mortgage. I need solid proof that she is cheating. But if someone else wrote what I wrote, I would say its cheating all day long.

I do love her, but I'm not in love with her.
Your actions are limited. VAR is cheap. Private detectives are expensive.
The big question is what are you prepared to do if you find out the obvious?
Being a marriage warden is worthless. Staying and being a martyr is a thankless task.
What are you prepared to do?
 

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I am going to tell you what have
Told several others who come on this site like yourself. You know somethings wrong or you would not be on here asking for advice trust your gut she’s cheating on you!
 

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I don't have access to her phone records, only her actual phone.

The last call between them, according to her phone, was 3 weeks ago at that work do.

I've been paranoid of late if I'm honest. She went to a bachelorette party over a month ago. It was overnight at a hotel. When she came home, she hugged me and asked if we could go to bed early that night. The last time she done something like that was 5 years ago after she went to Xmas do with this work colleague.
Does she have a separate plan? Her phone will only have what she doesn’t delete.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Does she have a separate plan? Her phone will only have what she doesn’t delete.
We have always had separate plans.

Back 5 years ago when she went to the Xmas party with him, I discovered after checking her phone that there was only one text message on her phone from him. She admitted she deleted them as he goes on and on and his messages could be misinterpreted. Apparently he wears his heart on his sleeve. I'm sure he does!!
 

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We have always had separate plans.

Back 5 years ago when she went to the Xmas party with him, I discovered after checking her phone that there was only one text message on her phone from him. She admitted she deleted them as he goes on and on and his messages could be misinterpreted. Apparently he wears his heart on his sleeve. I'm sure he does!!
If she is cheating they lie a lot. All you’ve done is tip her off every time. Stop. It’s getting you nowhere.
Again what are you prepared to do? So far you’ve done nothing except tip her off.
 

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We have always had separate plans.

Back 5 years ago when she went to the Xmas party with him, I discovered after checking her phone that there was only one text message on her phone from him. She admitted she deleted them as he goes on and on and his messages could be misinterpreted. Apparently he wears his heart on his sleeve. I'm sure he does!!
Why do you believe such incredibly poorly devised lies?
 
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