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My wife of two years has a guy friend that she considers to be one of her best friends. They have known each other for seven years (They met in College, after we started dating but before we got married). There is hardly anything they do not know about each other, as they talk three/four times a week via Instant Messenger. I have to admit that I am slightly jealous of their friendship as my wife is always slightly happier when he is around and sad when he leaves, they share a lot of the same interests and hobbies (Which I don't), and they have the ability to have entire nonverbal conversations.

What worries me is that my wife has said that she is planning on visiting him and spending the night at his house, as he lives in another state. The reason for the visit is that he is hosting a charity dinner, for the umpteenth time, and apparently the dinner is a big deal. I would ask to go with but I have a business trip that day and I can't cancel it. I have expressed my concern to my wife but she gets insulted at the thought that I would think she would cheat, and says her guy friend is always a perfect gentleman and nothing will happen. Am I reading to much into this or should I be worried? And if I should be worried any suggestions?
 

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Yes you should be worried.

Try this. Tell your wife that your business trip is cancelled and that you will go with her to support her friend. Watch her reaction.

Do you have the password to her IM and do you see all that she says to him? Have you ever considered using a keystrock monitor to see what might really be going on?
 

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I don't think you are reading too much into it. Being good friends with a member of the opposite sex can (when one is married) can often be the beginnings of the foundation of an affair. I am not against having friends of the opposite sex when married. It is just important to have appropriate and firm boundaries when interacting with them (i.e. spending the night at the other person's house by themselves is a BAD IDEA and should be violating of appropriate boundaries).
 

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Is the friend married or in a relationship? Is she friendly with the wife/gf? Will she be there when your wife stays?

Otherwise, I wouldn't be happy her staying with him like that. Seems like she and he don't have the kind of boundaries that are necessary to enhance your marriage.

Friendship between heterosexuals of the opposite sex is perfectly possible, but as others have said, there need to be boundaries that are respected. You are her priority in life, not her friend. It doesn't sound like she's understood this.
 

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Let her now you are uncomfortable with this and you prefer she did'nt go on this trip,if she loves you she will agree,if she becomes combative there is a very good chance she has feelings for him.It already sounds like a E A to me.Watch it!
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you're right to be worried.

there have been a lot of "things" just happen when staying over night at friends houses.


You really should cancel the business trip - it very well might mean your marriage.
 

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You have a couple of issues. You knew how close they were before they got married. It doesn't appear that you let her know that you have issues with her being this close to a male friend previously. Now when you try to stop her from spending the night (Which is a ridiculous request by your wife) you look like the jealous controlling husband instead of a man trying to establish boundaries in his relationship. Basically you let this thing slide down that slippery slope and now they're close to the bottom.


1. Cancel your business trip and go with her. Your marriage is worth more that whatever business you have. Reschedule the meeting.
2. Begin talking to your wife about the boundaries you want to establish within your relationship.
3. Get some material on communication in a relationship. You need to beable to communicate your feelings early on and not just let stuff slide.
 

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You should be terrified.

She shouldn`t be allowed on this trip and she most definitely shouldn`t be staying the night at his place.

It`s beyond inappropriate.
 

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No way. She gets a hotel or she doesn't go. If you can, go with her. Tell her if she defies your request, her bags will be packed and waiting out in front of the house and the doorlocks will be changed when she gets back.
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I have expressed my concern to my wife but she gets insulted at the thought that I would think she would cheat
Tell her that you are insulted that she has so little concern for your legitimate feelings. What she is proposing to do is very inappropriate. Also tell her that you are uncomfortable with her relationship with the OM and that this is the last straw. Tell her that although she is assuring you that the relationship is not physical, it is beginning to look like an emotional affair (EA).
 

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tell her your concerns,and that you don't want her to go. if she goes, she finds bags on the porch when she gets back.
 

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buy her some condoms to take with her to sleep over her best friends house.

are you kidding me how would she feel if the shoe was on the other foot!

total lack of respect for her husband.
 
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One thing you don't mention is whether the friend is single or married. It may be somewhat more acceptable if his wife will be there in the house with them the whole time.

C
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